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b'Episode Notes
We\'ve all heard the stories of the maniac on the loose who has a razor sharp hook for a hand, but for the first time ever we are presenting his side of the gory story!
The Hook by Rob Fields
Music by Ray Mattis
http://raymattispresents.bandcamp.com
Produced by Daniel Wilder
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Transcription:
How many times have I been asked this question? How many times have I been asked, \\u201cWhy, Farley? Why\\u2019d ya do it?\\u201d\\xa0
Police, reporters, headshrinkers, an even the guards here at Grafton Prison. They all ask me the same question. An every time, I give \\u2019em the same answer. \\u201cBecause I could.\\u201d
Have ya figured it out yet? I\\u2019m a murderer. That\\u2019s right, a murderer. I been killin\\u2019 people since I got outta high school. It all started twenty years ago with my high school sweetheart. We were supposed to get married. Problem was she liked to keep naggin\\u2019 an naggin\\u2019 on. One day, she got drunk off her ass, came to my back door, an started pickin\\u2019 at me. I coulda just closed the door on her, but I decided I really didn\\u2019t hafta just take her shit. I was a man an she was just a panty-dropper. So I came outside an picked up the ax. Her head sure sailed quite a ways before it came to land at the back door. Ya know what? It felt mighty good!\\xa0
So I been targetin\\u2019 bitches for many years after that. One right after another . . . I had such a good time choppin\\u2019 an hackin\\u2019 \\u2019em up. Bitches ain\\u2019t nothin\\u2019 but leeches. All they do is take an take an take from ya. Way I saw it, I was doin\\u2019 their fellas a tremendous favor.\\xa0
Of course, I wasn\\u2019t gonna get away with it forever. Ya probably knew that already, right? One day, I was killin\\u2019 this panty-dropper in her nice home. Next thing I know, her fella comes in. Turned out to be a pig. Instead of tryin\\u2019 to arrest me, he lost his head an came at me. The two of us had a big fight. Guess the pig fella really loved his bitch, because he eventually got hold of the ax I used to chop her up with . . . an he cut off my freakin\\u2019 hand as I was pushin\\u2019 myself off a dresser.\\xa0
That was the last thing I remembered before I woke up in jail, a few days after the incident. I now had a neatly-bandaged stump where my hand used to be, probably from when I was rushed to the hospital. A few weeks later, I\\u2019m in Grafton Prison. Yeah, there was no question of my guilt. Especially when I told the bitch judge I\\u2019d come for her once I get outta here.\\xa0
There are even a few bitches here as guards. Two of \\u2019em work on my block. They can never help but just look at me. An every now an then, they still ask me, \\u201cWhy, Farley, why did ya do it?\\u201d
\\u201cBecause I could!\\u201d I tell \\u2019em again an again.\\xa0
So every day I just sit here in my cell. They don\\u2019t put nobody in here with me. Let\\u2019s just say I ended up killin\\u2019 my last two cellmates. Even with one hand, I can still get the job done. Teeth can work just as well as a hand when yer tearin\\u2019 their throats out. Especially when they get stupid an fall asleep.\\xa0
I just sit in my cell an workin\\u2019 out my escape plan. Then, after all these years, I get some rather interestin\\u2019 news. Turns out I\\u2019m gettin\\u2019 a hook to replace my lost hand. I end up bein\\u2019 taken to the infirmary where the people there will put it on my stump. Wouldn\\u2019t ya know it? There\\u2019s a doctor bitch here that\\u2019s gonna put the hook on.\\xa0
I\\u2019m secured tight an put to sleep as the bitch puts the hook on. When it\\u2019s all done, I get wheeled back to my cell. Problem here is that I now have a deadly weapon attached to my body an the sleep stuff wears off too soon. The guards don\\u2019t even expect me to just turn on \\u2019em after they remove the straps to put me back in my cell. With my new hook, I can easily rip out their throats. I even go back to kill the doctor bitch who put the hook on. Had to give her my thanks an appreciation, right?
Long story short, I end up escapin\\u2019 Grafton Prison an decide to make my way back to Strickfield to even the score with that bitch judge. I know, I know . . . Why, Farley, why do ya do it?\\xa0
Because I can! Because I will again!
I end up takin\\u2019 an old pickup truck from the prison to Strickfield. It\\u2019s nice to actually have some air conditionin\\u2019 for once. It doesn\\u2019t last long, though. The pickup truck breaks down just a few miles from Strickfield. I hafta leave it an walk the rest of the way. At least now it\\u2019s dark outside.\\xa0
Pretty soon, I end up comin\\u2019 up to a car parked off to the side of the road, underneath a streetlight that\\u2019s there. I can hear some music playin\\u2019. I turn an look down the hill an see Strickfield. Yeah, I remember this place now. This is Strickfield Overlook. Fellas bring their bitches here to try an score some nookie. I killed many bitches up here.
From a safe enough distance, I can hear the two of \\u2019em talkin\\u2019. Definitely a boy an a girl. Sounds like they\\u2019re from that college on the other side of Strickfield.\\xa0
\\u201cI really can\\u2019t believe you let me take you out tonight, Raige,\\u201d the fella tells her. Yeah, definitely a wimpy mama\\u2019s boy type.\\xa0
\\u201cIt\\u2019s quite all right,\\u201d the bitch tells him. \\u201cIt\\u2019s good to get out sometimes. So thank you for getting me off campus for a little while.\\u201d An what kind of a name is Raige? Sounds like she\\u2019s always pissed off or somethin\\u2019. I\\u2019m guessin\\u2019 she\\u2019s a Plain Jane.\\xa0
\\u201cListen, I hope you don\\u2019t mind that I brought you up here,\\u201d the fella says. \\u201cI\\u2019ve always admired the view from Strickfield from up here. I\\u2019m from here, you know.\\u201d
\\u201cNothing wrong with that, Franklin,\\u201d Raige tells him. \\u201cI\\u2019m from North Ridgeway, which is on the other side of the state.\\u201d
The two of \\u2019em talk about why they came to college an all that stupid shit. I can feel the anticipation mountin\\u2019 up. Ya just know I want that panty-dropper all to myself. But it\\u2019s been so long, I think I\\u2019ll kill the milksop too.\\xa0
Then Raige gets outta the car an looks up at the night sky. The milksop gets out, too. Yeah, he\\u2019s definitely a milksop. He\\u2019s one of \\u2019em nerdy types: skinny, polo shirt, trousers, loafers, an glasses. Only he don\\u2019t have the tape around the middle of his glasses like some wimps I used to know around these parts.\\xa0
An who does this wimp think he is? That bitch looks way too good for someone like him. She looks like one of those girls ya see in the nudie mags that the inmates back at Grafton would pass around. Such an angelic face an a nice chassis. She\\u2019s even got some nice big milk jugs to go with that chassis. She should be with a real fella, not this milksop of a mama\\u2019s boy. Oh well . . . it\\u2019ll all be the same to me when I kill \\u2019em both.\\xa0
This Franklin comes over to Raige, an the two of \\u2019em start talkin\\u2019 again.\\xa0
\\u201cYou okay, Raige?\\u201d he asks. Yeah, even he ain\\u2019t sure this girl would wanna drop her panties for him. Probably wonderin\\u2019 if he\\u2019s even gonna get any.\\xa0
She turns to face him. \\u201cI\\u2019m fine, Franklin. It was a little stuffy in the car. It\\u2019s much cooler out here. There\\u2019s even a breeze.\\u201d
\\u201cYeah, you\\u2019re right. We can roll up the windows an I can run the air conditioning,\\u201d he tells her.\\xa0
She makes herself smile. \\u201cBut then we couldn\\u2019t see this nice view that you wanted me to see. And besides, it\\u2019s not like we can\\u2019t . . .\\u201d An then she actually steps up to the milksop and starts kissin\\u2019 him!
Next thing ya know, the two of \\u2019em are both swappin\\u2019 spit an wrappin\\u2019 their arms around one another. I\\u2019ll kill \\u2019em, but first I wanna see if the milksop can get Milk Jugs nice an naked.\\xa0
Eventually, the two of \\u2019em go to the front of the car. He lifts her up so that her perfect behind is on the hood. Then their kissin\\u2019 becomes more hot an heavy. I just don\\u2019t get it. Why would a nice-lookin\\u2019 bitch like that go for for a milksop like him?\\xa0
An then the romantic music is interrupted by a news bulletin. The two of \\u2019em stop their kissin\\u2019 to listen to it.\\xa0
\\u201cThis is a breaking news bulletin from the Strickfield University newsroom here at WSTR Radio. Convicted murder, Farley McFaine, has escaped from Grafton Prison. If you see him, do not approach him \\u2013 under any circumstances. He is easy to identify by the hook he wears as his right hand, which was amputated in a skirmish with a police officer twenty years ago. If you see him, you should immediately inform your local authorities.\\u201d\\xa0
From there, the radio guy keeps rattlin\\u2019 on about how dangerous I am. That much he\\u2019s got right.\\xa0
Raige tells her milksop that perhaps they\\u2019d best head back into town. \\u201cYou just never know, Franklin.\\u201d
Franklin the Milksop isn\\u2019t so convinced. \\u201cBut, Raige, why would McFaine climb all the way up here? That would be pointless.\\u201d
Raige doesn\\u2019t hesitate an sounds deadly serious now. \\u201cYou\\u2019d be surprised at what serial killers like McFaine are capable of, Franklin.\\u201d She takes his hand now. \\u201cPlease. We can still continue our date. I\\u2019d rather we just head back into town.\\u201d
\\u201cOkay, Raige, you win.\\u201d He helps her down off the hood.\\xa0
The two of \\u2019em get back into his car. Now\\u2019s the time to strike! I move from the bushes to get to the car. As I reach it, I\\u2019m about to use my hook to pull open the passenger door an grab the bitch.\\xa0
\\u201cOh shit!\\u201d I hear the milksop cry out. No doubt he heard me at his bitch\\u2019s door.\\xa0
Before I realize it, the milksop quickly stomps on the gas an the car speeds away. Suddenly, I\\u2019m in a lot of pain as the hook has been ripped clean away from me. Stupid! The milksop had the motor runnin\\u2019 all that time! My mind was too much on the bitch that I ain\\u2019t thinkin\\u2019 straight. I hafta get my shirt off \\u2013 fast! It\\u2019s a little hard to do with only one hand, but I manage to get the shirt tied up enough to stop the bleedin\\u2019.\\xa0
Just then, another car stops close enough. A fella gets out an asks me if I\\u2019m okay. Then he recognizes me. \\u201cOh, my god! You\\u2019re Farley McFaine! You\\u2019re the guy who escaped from \\u2013 gaak!\\u201d
His mistake was yappin\\u2019 when he shoulda been runnin\\u2019. He falls on the ground after I use my teeth to'