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b'Episode Notes
In a trailer park in the middle of nowhere a supernatural fling brings about a new born baby that may be the beginning of the end...
I Had Mothman\'s Baby by Daniel Wilder
Music by Ray Mattis
http://raymattispresents.bandcamp.com
Produced by Daniel Wilder
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Transcript:
Earl entered the mobile home located in Lot 151 of the Comf-E trailer park at roughly 9:45 a.m., but the inside of that residence was as black as a moonless midnight\\u2026 save for a few beams of light that weakly pierced the room from some random cigarette burn holes on the makeshift blackout curtains that hung from rods starting to bow from the weight.
The air was sweet with the heady elixir of dollar store wine gone sour, weed, and what could possibly be a week old filet-o-fish sandwich from the local Big M\\u2026 and of course, that ol\\u2019 hoary chestnut, piss.\\xa0
Not content with the redneck aroma therapy he was getting at no charge, Earl turned on the flashlight on his smart phone to discover he wasn\\u2019t in a mere trailer\\u2026 oh no, this was surely the den of some dragon that had confused absolute shit for treasure. Everywhere he shined the light there were piles of pizza boxes, beer cans, and tabloids.
\\u201cH-hello?\\u201d he cried with a trembling voice.
Only silence\\u2026 well silence and a cat hissing somewhere from under a nearby mountain of debris answered his call. \\xa0
Suddenly from his left he saw what at first appeared to be a scarecrow with large black eyes leap from behind a Lazy-Boy festooned with porno mags and half empty jars of Vaseline. As the creature charged him and smashed him to the ground he saw it was, in truth, a scrawny woman wearing large sunglasses.
\\u201cJesus Verlene, you scared the unholy hell out of me!\\u201d
\\u201cShut your cocksucker and turn that damn light off!\\u201d Verlene hissed.
Earl complied and Verlene grabbed his hand with a grip like iron and lead him through the filth to the kitchen\\u2026 though how she saw where they were going in the inky darkness, with those glasses on no less, he couldn\\u2019t say.
Soon Earl found himself sitting at Verlene\\u2019s table in her completely dark kitchen\\u2026 which amazingly didn\\u2019t smell as bad as the previous room\\u2026 mainly just some unidentified wet paper smell filled the air.
\\u201cYou look well\\u201d Earl managed.
\\u201cBullshit!\\u201d Verlene spat\\u2026 literally\\u2026 the flecks of phlegm she dislodged hit Earl in thick, hot globs. \\u201cI look like a plop of cat barf left to dry on a hot August sidewalk!\\u201d
\\u201cDid you call me here just to discuss your looks?\\u201d
\\u201cNo, I called you here because you are the only one I\\u2019ve fucked in Stumpville Holler with any kind of media clout!\\u201d\\xa0
\\u201cStatistically that seems extremely improbable\\u201d Earl said, itching his crotch by reflex.
\\u201cLook, I know your callin\\u2019 me a whore with your fancy learnin\\u2019 words\\u2026 and you ain\\u2019t wrong neither\\u2026 but damn it, I have the story of the century here!\\u201d
\\u201cHere\\u2026 in the Comf-E?\\u201d
\\u201cNo you idiot\\u2026 in all of Stumpville Holler\\u2026 hell, maybe in the entire world!\\u201d
\\u201cYou know the Leader Gazette doesn\\u2019t pay for stories\\u2026 \\u201c
\\u201cI\\u2019m not in it for any cash\\u2026 I want to warn other girls so they don\\u2019t make the same mistakes I have!\\u201d
\\u201cI think over half the girls have made the mistakes you have\\u2026 with the same men\\u201d\\xa0
\\u201cFair, but the mistake I made last was with no man that ever walked this Earth!\\u201d
\\u201cChrist, I\\u2019ll bite\\u2026 lay it on me.\\u201d
\\u201cIt was round about last Thur\\u2026 \\u201c
Earl pressed record on his phone\\u2019s video option, though why he chose that, in a pitch black room, is a mystery for another day.
\\u201cOkay you can start now.\\u201d
\\u201cDammit, I already did!\\u201d
\\u201cWell, take two then.\\u201d
\\u201cFine, it was round about last Thur\\u2026 \\u201c
\\u201cOh turds\\u2026 my battery died.\\u201d
\\u201cFeel to your left, there\\u2019s a charger cord right there.\\u201d
\\u201cFor a 10?\\u201d
\\u201cI don\\u2019t know\\u2026 it\\u2019s for the one with the small hole.\\u201d
\\u201cShould work\\u2026 let me see.\\u201d
\\u201cFor crap\\u2019s sake Earl, this story is going to rip reality to bits and here we are monkey fuckin\\u2019 around with your phone\\u2026 can\\u2019t you just write shit down?\\u201d
\\u201cI could, but my wrist cramps when I write by hand too much\\u2026 plus it\\u2019s completely dark in here\\u2026 \\u201c
The sound of Earl\\u2019s phone connecting to a viable charging source rang out.
\\u201cSee? All good\\u2026 okay, go!\\u201d
\\u201cIt was round about last Thursday, and I went down to Sly\\u2019s for a drink\\u2026 I had a few and started to zone out watching the Million Dollar Movie\\u2026 that\\u2019s when the door flew open and he walked in. He was dressed in a large, fur coat and he wore a hat and scarf that covered his head. I couldn\\u2019t see any detail about him at all, but goddamn did he get me horny.\\u201d
\\u201cLocal whore wants to screw\\u2026 how\\u2019s that for a headline?\\u201d
\\u201cLaugh it up Brainiac\\u2026 you won\\u2019t be laughing soon.\\u201d
\\u201cIs that a threat?\\u201d
\\u201cConsider it a promise.\\u201d
\\u201cOh, I always liked it when you played rough!\\u201d
\\u201cWell buckle up sweetheart, \\u2018cuz ol\\u2019 Verlene is going to take you to some tough turf pronto! Anyway, over he saunters and he sits right down at the bar next to me, and I was mesmerized\\u2026 only at that time I didn\\u2019t realize it was that wing powder of his that was making me swoon so hard.\\u201d
\\u201cWing\\u2026 powder?\\u201d
\\u201cYeah, you see this fellow was more moth than man\\u2026 \\u201c
\\u201cMoth? Man? Like that Mothman from over in Point Pleasant?\\u201d
They both spat after the mention of their ages old rival town.
\\u201cThe very same!\\u201d
\\u201cWell, what was he doing in Stumpville Holler?\\u201d
\\u201cFrom my experience\\u2026 looking to get laid.\\u201d
\\u201cHe certainly picked the right gal.\\u201d
\\u201cI should take offence\\u2026 but when you\\u2019re right, you\\u2019re right. Anyway, I\\u2019m gettin\\u2019 ahead of myself. So, he parks it next to me and we begin with the small talk\\u2026 he tells me he\\u2019s a vacuum cleaner salesman working for Indrid Cold LLC selling the suckers door to door, and he just picked up the Stumpville Holler territory. Funny thing though\\u2026 he doesn\\u2019t so much tell me this, but rather puts the information straight into my mind.\\u201d
\\u201cNothing much there to get in the way of his message\\u2026 \\u201c
\\u201cI don\\u2019t have to take this shit from you\\u2026 \\u201c
\\u201cYou totally do though.\\u201d
\\u201cYes.\\u201d she said knowingly.
\\u201cContinue.\\u201d
\\u201cAnyway, he tells me his whole life story\\u2026 how he grew up as an outcast, how his first kiss was with his cousin\\u2026 \\u201c
\\u201cGross.\\u201d
\\u201cShould I remind you that we are cousins\\u2026 \\u201c
\\u201cGood point.\\u201d
\\u201cLong story short, I invited him back here, and he took off that coat\\u2026 but I instantly realized he was just unfurling a pair of big ol\\u2019 moth wings that he used to mimic a coat.\\u201d
\\u201cWhat about the hat and the scarf?\\u201d
\\u201cThose were real.\\u201d
\\u201cAmazing.\\u201d
\\u201cRight?!! But I assure you, what was underneath was anything but human.\\u201d
\\u201cBut you did it with him anyways?\\u201d
\\u201cRemember that powder I mentioned earlier? That crap flew everywhere when he spread those damned wings, and I was powerless as that devil dust covered me. I had flashes of Patrick Swayze and baseball, and when I woke up in the morning my lover from beyond the stars had vanished\\u2026 but my belly was swollen and I had a case of the pukes something fierce.\\u201d\\xa0
\\u201cYou were pregnant?\\u201d
\\u201cYeah\\u2026 and extremely allergic to sunlight\\u2026 hence the curtains, still am too.\\u201d
\\u201cSo this pregnancy?\\u201d\\xa0
\\u201cIt went quick, yeah\\u2026 a day or two of craving pickles and sub sauce\\u2026 a few days of crying, but it was legit\\u2026 I peed on a stick or two, and it all checked out.\\u201d
\\u201cDid you consult a doctor?\\u201d
\\u201cNo\\u2026 hell no! What would I tell them, hey doc, I think I have some alien larva in my womb, care to take a look or spray some Raid up in that bitch?\\u201d\\xa0
\\u201c I see your point.\\u201d
\\u201cSo I holed up here, and I got the urge to make a nest right quick. So I hoarded anything that brought me any sense of being at ease\\u2026 junk food, porn\\u2026 and there was one craving I couldn\\u2019t resist\\u2026 Vaseline\\u2026 I ate that shit like a high quality french onion dip\\u2026 spread across crackers, chips\\u2026 anything that could get it in my mouth faster and faster\\u2026 not to mention the lip balm\\u2026 \\u201c
\\u201cStrange\\u2026 and nauseating.\\u201d
\\u201cDon\\u2019t judge a woman what is with child.\\u201d
\\u201cNever would I dream of it my fair lady.\\u201d
\\u201cYou know the fact that you speak like Shakespeare and live in a festering armpit like Stumpville Holler makes you look like a bigger award losing dumbass then all of us in town combined, right?\\u201d
\\u201cYou resemble that remark more than most.\\u201d
\\u201cThank you, that\\u2019s mighty sweet of you. Now where was I?\\u201d
\\u201cEating Chapstick, as one so often does?\\u201d
\\u201cHuh? Oh right, the Vaseline\\u2026 so I ate and ate that stuff for days\\u2026 at least two of \\u2018em\\u2026 and then finally I fell asleep.\\u201d
\\u201cYou were awake for forty eight hours, eating petroleum jelly the entire time?\\u201d
\\u201cSure was.\\u201d
\\u201cIt never occurred to you that was strange?\\u201d
\\u201cIt occurred, I just didn\\u2019t care\\u2026 it was that damn powder I tell you!\\u201d
\\u201cI\\u2019m sensing you\\u2019ve had plenty of powder lately.\\u201d
\\u201cDamn you Earl, I am not high!\\u201d
\\u201cUh-huh. Then what happened?\\u201d
\\u201cWell, sometime during my nap I sat up in bed and puked that jelly up all over my cooch.\\u201d
\\u201cI think I\\u2019ll change that to \\u2018groin\\u2019 in the piece if that\\u2019s okay with you?\\u201d
\\u201cDo what you must Earl, just make sure people heed my words!\\u201d
\\u201cI\\u2019ll do my level-headed best Verlene.\\u201d\\xa0
\\u201cSo anyway, I woke up with my pubes itching something fierce\\u2026 then they came out in clumps\\u2026 but I saved them in a jar, just in case you think eggheads may need to give them the once over after they read your piece.\\u201d
\\u201cAfter this goes live I may need to weave them into a coat to stay warm on the streets I\\u2019ll doubtless be living on.\\u201d
\\u201cYou always was a kinky one Earl\\u2026 you get that from our grandmother!\\u201d
Both crossed themselves at the mere mention of the woman.
\\u201cThat\\u2019s when I noticed my entire private area was swollen, and growing longer\\u2026 that barf jelly had made my skin stretchy and helped keep things well lubricated!\\u201d
\\u201cWhat does it say that that is the second most gross thing I associate with you?\\u201d
\\u201cWhat\\u2019s number one\\u2026 the sperm burp incident?\\u201d
Earl shivered. \\u201cYes, may it ne\\u2019er be spoken of again.\\u201d
\\u201cMay it never be spoken of again.\\u201d Verlene repeated in agreement, shivering as well. \\u201cShall we continue?\\u201d
\\u201cAgainst all common sense I\\u2019m going to have'