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On a late night snack run a snarky paperboy is confronted with dozens of razor teethed monsters and he\'s on the menu.
"They Don\'t Drive Cars" by Scott S. Phillips
https://www.amazon.com/-/e/B002BMN3IQ
Music by Ray Mattis
http://raymattispresents.bandcamp.com
Produced by Daniel Wilder
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Transcript:
Aaron had been hoping to sit through the entire\\xa0Leave it to Beaver\\xa0marathon on TV Land without interruption \\u2013 at least until he had to leave for work \\u2013 but by 2 AM his belly was asserting that food was better than the Beaver. He\'d already exhausted his supply of snacks, not thinking that the bag of Salsa Verde Doritos should\'ve been held in reserve for just such an emergency.
His stomach gurgled aggressively. One of those microwave breakfast sandwiches from Freddy\'s All-Nite would go down real smooth, Beaver or no. It was tough to bail on the show when the Beav\'s pals were about to dick him by wearing their normal, mom-approved clothes to school instead of the cool monster shirts the fellas had picked up the day before, but Aaron could deny his hunger no longer. He slipped on his shoes, grabbed the car keys and lit out, leaving the TV on so as not to miss a second when he came back. Canned laughter echoed as he shut the door behind him.
Aaron knew he was lucky to have a place like Freddy\'s All-Nite, considering the entire population of Charlton, New Mexico was about the size of the cast of\\xa0Leave it to Beaver. He\'d been the local paperboy for almost ten years now, which meant working during the wee hours and sleeping while the sun was up, and Freddy\'s had kept him in late-night Cokes and junk food. During that time, Aaron had never seen another human being in the place \\u2013 besides Freddy, anyway \\u2013 after 11 PM. He lived in constant fear that the old man would get fed up with it and start closing at midnight.
A peculiar wail emanated from Aaron\'s stomach. "Jesus," he said, patting his burgeoning gut and steering with one finger. Getting chubby at 25. Didn\'t change his feelings about that chicken sandwich, though.
The roads were still wet from the most recent rainstorm, which meant another night of wrestling the newspapers into their little plastic sleeves. Aaron hated the things, and was grateful that rain didn\'t come to Charlton very often.
Aaron pulled into the parking lot at Freddy\'s. As usual, the place was a tomb. Swarms of bugs battered themselves against the lights out front, filling the quiet night with a soft, steady thunking sound.
As he stepped out of the car, Aaron noticed the rack of STP near the front door had been knocked over, bottles of fuel additive strewn across the walk. He paused to clean the mess up. There was a small trail of thick, dark liquid spattered across the pavement, but Aaron couldn\'t track down which bottle had sprung the leak and just stuck them all back on the rack.
The new electric eye Freddy had bought set off a chime as Aaron entered the store. The old man was nowhere to be seen. "Hey Freddy, how\'s tricks?" Aaron said, a little louder than he meant to.
After a few seconds, Aaron lifted his foot and thrust it back and forth through the beam of the electric eye, setting off the chime a few more times.
"You in the shitter?"
He poked his head around a couple of the aisles, then glanced toward the counter. Both restroom keys still hung from their nails. Heading to the back of the store, Aaron tapped on the storeroom door. "Freddy?"
He put his ear to the door, listening for some sound of the old man. Remembering the upturned STP rack, Aaron quickly walked the length of the store, the electric eye chiming again as he went outside.
Rounding the corner of the building, Aaron felt his stomach do the hokey-pokey.
There was a shitload of blood slung from hell to breakfast back by the restroom doors.
Aaron took a couple steps back, stopped, turned his head to stare at the spilled STP. Only it wasn\'t STP.
"Aw, Freddy..." He shuffled towards the mess. Crouching, Aaron rested hands on knees, his eyes fixed on a fat June bug wallowing in a particularly large splatter.
Then the guy came out of nowhere, slamming into Aaron and sending them both tumbling ass-over-teakettle through the smeared blood and into the alley behind the store.
Rolling to a stop in a puddle of grease-slicked rainwater, the two men came up in a gory tangle. Terrified, Aaron flailed wildly with both fists, trying to fend off his attacker. The guy yelped as a blow connected with his nose.
"Asshole!" he shrieked, blood gushing from his nostril. "Lemme go!"
Aaron continued to sling fists with abandon as the guy struggled to disentangle himself. Wrestling a leg free, he awkwardly kicked Aaron in the chest and scrambled away.
"They\'re gonna get us!" Blood was coursing from the man\'s nose, dribbling onto his already-stained shirt.
Aaron sat up in the puddle, finally recognizing the man. "Lucas? What the hell \\u2013 wait!"
Lucas had made his feet and was sprinting blindly down the alley. "Screw you!" he yelled back.
Further down the alley, a rectangle of pale light spilled out through a gap between two buildings, silhouetting Lucas as he fled. Aaron jumped to his feet, wincing at a sharp pain in his knee, and took off after him. Lucas Douthat was the only customer on Aaron\'s route who always gave him a Christmas bonus, and he figured he\'d better smooth over that bloody nose.
As Lucas ran into the strip of light, the creatures took him down. Aaron skidded to a halt, panting, eyes wide with shock.
The things \\u2013 dozens of them, each one no more than eight inches tall \\u2013
moved as a unit, like a school of fish, flooding out from between the two buildings and swarming over Lucas\'s thrashing body. He shrieked as he disappeared beneath the frenzied horde.
Aaron stared, useless, as the things darted in and out of the throng, tearing at the man. The creatures moved so fast he couldn\'t get a clear look at them. Even the two standing at the edge of the swarm, heads swiveling like prairie dogs standing guard, seemed almost to vibrate with barely- contained energy.
As suddenly as they had appeared, the creatures began scurrying away, headed back between the buildings. As the swarm dissipated, Aaron could see Lucas\'s shredded remains, one claw-like hand uplifted, flesh torn from the fingers. The last creature \\u2013 one of the guards \\u2013 darted in and snapped up a treat in its tiny jaws. The thing ran off, a length of intestine trailing behind it.
Aaron stood in silence for a long moment. When he released the breath he\'d been holding, the sound made him jump.
"Holy shit," he muttered.
He took a step forward, then froze.
One of the things had flitted back into the alley and was staring at him, its tiny head cocking at a dozen different angles, like a dog on Dexedrine.
Aaron held his breath again, felt in his pocket for his car keys.
Another creature darted in to stand next to the first, their heads moving in unison.
Aaron turned tail and ran like hell.
Instantly, the two creatures took off after him, the entire swarm spilling around the corner behind them as if caught in their jet stream.
Feet pounding the damp pavement, Aaron tugged his car keys from his pocket. Fumbled them. The keyring clattered to the ground at his feet, caught the toe of his shoe and went skidding across the asphalt to wind up in a puddle of blood.
Without slowing down, Aaron scooped up the keys and hauled ass to his car. He flung the door open and jumped in just as the swarm began pouring out of the alley, skittering towards him.
He jammed the key into the ignition and slammed the car into reverse as the engine caught. The car laid rubber, obscuring the creatures in a cloud of smoke.
Aaron wiped a bloody hand on his pants and gripped the steering wheel as the car bounced over the curb and into the street. Dropping it into drive, Aaron peeled out again. He watched in the rear view mirror as the goddamn things poured into the street, ran through a confused circle, then scurried off to disappear amongst the buildings again.
So now what? Aaron\'s gaze flicked from the road ahead to the bloodstains on his shirt. He was practically wheezing, sucking air like an old man climbing stairs. There wasn\'t even a police station in Charlton \\u2013 nearest cop was sixty miles down the highway, in Estancia. And what cop would believe Aaron\'s story, anyway? A bunch of quivering little monsters with lots of teeth ate a guy while he watched? He suddenly felt like Steve McQueen in\\xa0The Blob.
He needed somebody to back him up.
Aaron spun the wheel, whipping his car into a left turn. He was impressed that the old beater had performed so well under pressure; the car had a tendency to choke and die when asked to accelerate away from a fast- food drive-through window.
Another left took him onto Howard road, where his friend Noel lived. There were no curbs out here; Aaron rolled the car to a stop in Noel\'s muddy front yard and jumped out. Tromping to the door, Aaron banged with one hand and rang the bell with the other. After a short barrage of this noise, a
light came on in the bedroom and Noel\'s angry, narrow face appeared through the parted curtains. Aaron very faintly heard the words\\xa0What the fuck?\\xa0and the curtains closed once again.
A few seconds later Noel opened the door, still in the act of zipping his pants. "Man, you\'d better not be wakin\' me up to help with your fuckin\' paper route," he grumbled, voice thick with sleep.
Aaron pushed past his friend, leaving muddy footprints as he entered the house. "I need to use your phone \\u2013 and you\'ve gotta help me."
"You wake me up at two-thirty to teach you how to use a phone?" Noel\'s crusty eyes followed the trail of mud as it extended down the hall and into the kitchen. "Look at that'