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Terror slices the Big Apple on New Years Eve, as death walks the streets with the Devil at his side!
Even the Devil Tells the Truth... Sometimes by Daniel Wilder
Music by Ray Mattis
http://raymattispresents.bandcamp.com
Produced by Daniel Wilder
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Transcript:
The first couple of years I just went for hookers\\u2026 I figured no one would go looking for those broads anytime soon. It was simple, while everyone was staring at the big stupid ball like a bunch of deer in headlights I\\u2018d find my gal, taking down an alley and do them up proper. A happy New Year\\u2019s for me\\u2026 in theory anyway.\\xa0
The problem is, those bitches looked like they were relieved\\u2026 and why wouldn\\u2019t they be, the knife was just another long, hard object painfully crammed inside of them, but this one brought an end to their filthy existence. Christ, it was so hard to get excited over that work\\u2026 but I did my best.
Damn, I\\u2019ve gotten ahead of myself again.\\xa0
I suppose you want to know what makes me tick, huh? Well, go fuck yourself! Just messing with you\\u2026 what do you want to know? My parents were real pieces of work; my dad drank his life away in every piss-hole bar down by the docks, and my mom sold ass in the same. I was unplanned, unwanted, and never made to forget it.
Except none of that hard-luck garbage is true. I grew up in a nice suburb; mom was a teacher and homemaker, dad was an accountant. The biggest threat to my childhood was the fact that I was spoiled rotten, or as spoiled as a middle class brat can be.\\xa0
So what made me turn bad? I have no idea\\u2026
See, back around \\u201876 or so, beating the shit out of strangers for no reason was how I got my kicks, but little did I know this was going to be the mozzarella stick platter before the eggplant parm that is my career these days let me tell ya.
Anyway, I\\u2019d pulped this cat down Chinatown way, dig? Looking for any ill-gotten gains I could grab I found some sort of amulet in his left pocket\\u2026 older than my Aunt Petunia, and expensive too\\u2026 at least I hoped it would be when I went to pawn it. That would have to wait though, because beating the shit out of a man is hungry work, and my stomach was growling something fierce.
Thirty minutes later I was kicked back in my easy chair in my rat trap of an apartment, hamburger grease mixed with thin blood from that rare patty dripping down my arm. That\\u2019s when I remembered my spoils. I reached into my pants pocket and brought out that glittering trinket, now covered with slop from my chow. \\xa0
That\\u2019s when that bauble went shiny and hit me with some sort of mumbo-jumbo magic that sent me sprawling across the floor\\u2026 things went black for a hot second, but when I came to he was just sitting there on top of the giant Zenith.
Well I say \\u201che\\u201d, but in truth it may have been a she\\u2026 or a human shaped lump of clam dip, because no matter how hard I stared at this\\u2026 thing, I could never get a clear look at it, but I could tell it was dressed to the nines, and always smiling.
\\u2018What\\u2019s so funny pal?\\u2019 I asked\\u2026 that\\u2019s when that fucker talked directly to my brain, and while I can tell you what it said wasn\\u2019t in any language I\\u2019d ever heard, I understood every damn word\\u2026 the bit about immortality, the murder biz that would seal the bargain\\u2026 one ex-woman, every midnight on New Year\\u2019s Eve\\u2026 hell, the son-of-a-bitch even had a big contract for me to sign; like something out of a god-damned comic book\\u2026 and naturally that pen was filled with blood\\u2026 too much! \\xa0
So yadda yadda, Lucifer, hookers and blood\\u2026 and here we are; New Years\\u2019 Eve 1979\\u2026 and it\\u2019s time for a change\\u2026 but since not a lot of you clowns are familiar with my work, let me take ya through my nine to five, if ya can pick up what I\\u2019m layin\\u2019 down.
I wake-up around noonish\\u2026 see I set my own hours, so I can sleep in\\u2026 a real job perk if ya ask me. So yeah\\u2026 shit, shower, shave\\u2026 fry up an egg or two for breakfast, orange juice and vodka\\u2026 then on with the day\\u2019s business.
I cruise the streets, and it is cold as a witch\\u2019s tit out here\\u2026 but this involves my work the 364 days it isn\\u2019t December 31st. I just kinda walk around with a hard-on and get as much attention from the leather-boys and hustlers as I can; marking in my mind who is where and when. See the devil is in the details.
Then I take in a porno flick or two, grab a dog or a slice, then make my way back through the spank bank of earlier. I go for the toughest, strongest looking laddie I can find, then I punch and kick the ever-lovin\\u2019 shit out of them, rob them, maybe do the same to any tourist unfortunate enough to cross my path\\u2026 and it\\u2019s off for a cup of Joe. What? The hooker thing only applies to the killing; and I only do that to the ladies once a year to honor that bargain\\u2026 the rest of the year they just ain\\u2019t my bag.
Here\\u2019s the rub, I don\\u2019t really give a rat\\u2019s puckered pink asshole about the living forever thing, who needs that static? No, I was just thankful that someone put the notion of killing a woman into my thick skull\\u2026 most of the time I don\\u2019t think about dames at all unless they are up on the stained silver screen. Plus it inspired me to up my game in the whole \\u201cinflicting pain on my fellow man game\\u201d I was so fond of\\u2026 practice makes perfect and all that. Besides, who knows if that shit would still apply anyway\\u2026 I hocked that amulet the next day for two hundred bucks and a sixer of Bud.
Where the fuck was I? Oh yeah, my day\\u2026 all day, everyday. So I head home, take a shower\\u2026 maybe throw in a TV dinner, catch some tube. You know what really tickles my asshole with a feather? Grabbing a paper and seeing if anyone reports on the shit I do\\u2026 what can I say; I\\u2019m a gutter narcissus. Hey I went to school just like everyone else\\u2026 any way, those rags never say a peep about me or the meat I tenderize\\u2026 probably never will either, fuck \\u2018em!
Nighttime? More of the same really\\u2026 I work two shifts a day, seven days a week, and that\\u2019s dedication no one can match\\u2026 and I don\\u2019t even have a union or nothin\\u2019!
Now that\\u2019s January first to December 30th\\u2026 but that next day? That\\u2019s where shit gets serious! I take a little personal time for most of the day\\u2026 do a bump, maybe rub a few out\\u2026 grab a nice steak from Sizzler for lunch. Real self care type of shit, ya dig?
Now most years I would just hang out on the fringes of Times Square looking for my mark, but as I said, this year was gonna be a big one. So after Sizzler I go for a haircut\\u2026 I just gotta look good for this. I yank a magazine off the newsstand and tear out a sample of cologne\\u2026 I wasn\\u2019t kidding around folks, believe-you-me!
Anyway, I get to Times Square early, and the one thing you out-of-towners watching from your big, comfy couches probably don\\u2019t realize; mother fuckers line-up for this thing hours and hours before anything is even going on\\u2026 just standing in the cold, hard street milling around like fuckin\\u2019 zombies or something.\\xa0
I kick around for a bit, taking a drag on a Marb here and there. As I look around, I have to admit there are some spectacular candidates out there\\u2026 much better than the ridden hard and put away wet flotsam and jetsam of the last few years\\u2026 a strawberry blonde with gigantic tits and braces that catch the now setting sun when she flashes big smiles at her friend; an equally attractive Spanish chick with the blackest hair I have ever seen. You can bet those two are on my shit list for sure\\u2026 but they just ain\\u2019t the one.\\xa0
I continue my search\\u2026 I see a cute Chinese girl here, a sexy socialite there\\u2026 all big ticket scores for sure, but again, I gotta feel this one in my balls. Then it hit me; \\u201cFuck it\\u2019s cold out here\\u2026 I need a coffee\\u201d\\u2026 and as fate, if you believe in such bullshit, would have it, there was a donut shop directly across from me!
I went in, ordered a cup, and took a load off for a tick. Now I don\\u2019t believe in fate, but then again before a few years ago I never thought His Infernal Majesty would be sitting atop my boob tube pulling the ol\\u2019 Faust gag\\u2026 so here we are. Anyway, out of the ladies\\u2019 room she came, looking for all the world like an angel in the flesh\\u2026 well little angel, tonight\\u2019s the night you get your wings clipped!
I watched her go up to the counter and order. The way she moved I could tell she was athletic, but there was more\\u2026 was she a ballerina? A gymnast? Damned if I know, but she definitely took care of herself, that\\u2019s for sure. Her hair was like spun gold.. I liked that, it would show the blood better once I did the devil\\u2019s business\\u2026 literally.
Anyway she paid, walked out, and I followed her close, but not close enough to look obvious, dig? She snaked back through the crowds, the steam from her coffee trailing behind her leaving a nice trail for me to follow like that dude going through the Minotaur\\u2019s maze.
Damn, she was with someone\\u2026 that would complicate things, but nothing I can\\u2019t handle. Just have to think about how to get her away from that bozo she\\u2019s with.\\xa0
That\\u2019s when fortune smiled upon me for the second time that night! There was that fool with his clipboard, and you just know he was on a power trip like no other\\u2026 wandering the crowd, finding the most photogenic folks he could find and moving them right in line with the unblinking camera eye that would beam this bullshit into homes nationwide. He\\u2019d be easy, I dealt with dudes his size every din-dong freakin\\u2019 day!
\\u201cHey buddy\\u2026 you know that big shot producer running this thing?\\u201d I noticed the lanyard around hot shot\\u2019s neck. \\u201cDammit, now where did my lanyard go?\\u201d I really played up looking for it; Oscar material here for sure.
\\u201cYou mean Jim?\\u201d
\\u201cYeah, Jim\\u2026 he wants to talk to your ass pronto\\u201d
\\u201cShit\\u2026 probably wants me to get him coffee\\u2026 can\\u2019t he see I\\u2019m trying to make this show special? I mean look at the prime trim I\\u2019ve picked out\\u2026 what was your name aga'