Nine Steps to Forgiveness
How do you forgive someone while still holding them accountable? What if that person is yourself? This week, our guest tries a practice in forgiving herself and someone else.
\n\nLink to episode transcript: https://tinyurl.com/3mbkrn9u
\n\nEpisode summary:
\n\nAnoosha Syed appreciates her name now, but as a kid, she struggled with feeling different from everyone else. She had friends call her \u201cAnnie\u201d and even dyed her hair blonde in an effort to look less Pakistani. Anoosha joins us after trying a practice in forgiveness. Anoosha explores the complexities of forgiving someone who\u2019s in a position of power and privilege and should know better, like the teacher who always mispronounced her name. Then, Anoosha took the practice a step further and directed it inward. She shares what it was like to forgive her younger self for not being as proud of her culture as she is today.\xa0 Later, we hear from psychologist Dr. Lydia Woodyatt about the power of self-compassion and affirming our important values to release us from destructive self-blame while still holding ourselves accountable when we need to.
\n\nPractice:
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Make sure you know how you feel about what is going on and be able to articulate it. Then, tell someone you can trust about your experience.
\nTell yourself you will feel better because of this forgiveness. Forgiveness is for you, not for others.
\nRemember, forgiveness does not necessarily mean reconciling with the person who upsets you or condoning the behavior.
\nRecognize that your primary pain comes from hurt feelings, thoughts, and physical discomfort you are experiencing now, not from the thing that offended or hurt in the past.
\nPractice stress management to soothe yourself when you're feeling overwhelmed. Try things like mindful breathing or going for a walk.
\nRemind yourself that you cannot expect others to act in the way you think they should, but it\u2019s ok to hope that they do.
\nFind another way to achieve the positive outcome you had hoped for in the first place.
\nInstead of focusing on your hurt feelings, look for the bright side of things. Focus on what\u2019s going well for you.
\nChange the way you look at your past so you remind yourself of your heroic choice to forgive..
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Find the Nine Steps to Forgiveness Practice at our Greater Good in Action website: https://ggia.berkeley.edu/practice/nine_steps_to_forgiveness
\n\nToday\u2019s guests:
\n\nAnoosha Syed is a Pakistani-Canadian freelance illustrator and author of the children's book, That is Not My Name.
\n\nLearn more about Anoosha and her works: http://www.anooshasyed.com/
\n\nFollow Anoosha on
\n\nTwitter: https://twitter.com/foxville_art
\n\nInstagram: https://tinyurl.com/3pahbn7x
\n\nYouTube: https://www.youtube.com/anooshasyed
\n\nDr. Lydia Woodyatt is an associate professor in Psychology at Flinders University in Australia. She studies wellbeing, justice, emotions, and motivation.
\n\nLearn more about Lydia and her works: https://tinyurl.com/mrs974by
\n\nFollow Lydia on Twitter: https://twitter.com/LydiaWoodyatt
\n\nResources for forgiveness from The Greater Good Science Center:
\n\nListen to an episode of Happiness Break on Self-forgiveness: https://tinyurl.com/3d7sevfs
\n\nEight Keys to Forgiveness: https://tinyurl.com/5n82yjkf
\n\nMore resources on forgiveness:
\n\nTED - How (and why) to forgive: https://tinyurl.com/mu2zep4f
\n\nHarvard Health - The Power of Forgiveness: https://tinyurl.com/2p9fden3
\n\n10% Happier - Writing a Forgiveness letter: https://tinyurl.com/mr5y624x
\n\nTell us about your experiences letting go of a grudge by emailing us at happinesspod@berkeley.edu or using the hashtag #happinesspod.
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