Why Most Guys Hit the Wall
In this series of short podcast episodes I\u2019m going to share some of the big ideas I teach as part of The New Man 360 audio course.\n\nThat said, let\u2019s dive in and discuss why so many guys hit the\xa0wall even if it appears \u2014 from the outside \u2014 that their personal lives, their relationships, and their career all seem to be doing just fine.\nPlaying a Role\nAs men we often define our lives by our job or what we do \u2014 I\u2019m a coach, a lawyer, an entrepreneur, a cafeteria worker. We may have trained ourselves from an early age to be a \u201cgood boy\u201d or a \u201cgood student\u201d.\n\nThe problem is that this mindset is simply focused on playing a role. It\u2019s about performance. It\u2019s about meeting some imagined external expectation about who we should be or who we\u2019re supposed to be. In this mindset we\u2019ve allowed ourselves to succumb to an external authority.\n\nThe theory goes \u2014 \u201cIf I do what I should do, if I do what a good guy or good student or good husband or good father or successful professional is supposed to do then I will be lit up. I\u2019ll feel peaceful. I\u2019ll be loved. I\u2019ll feel free. If I follow the rules then I\u2019ll be fulfilled.\u201d\n\nIt sounds good, right?\nThis Idea is Bullshit\nThe heavy cost of this mindset is that most of us end up on autopilot lumbering through our lives playing a role instead of actively creating the experiences we most deeply want. We end up wasting our lives.\n\nMany guys drive themselves to exhaustion and depression and dysfunction because they\u2019re ignoring their own inner authority. They\u2019re following the external rules instead of listening to their inner wisdom. They\u2019re ignoring their own unique sense of what will have them feel freedom, love, passion, and peace.\n\nTo avoid this wall and the sense of a wasted life we need to develop and follow our own inner authority. This means we need to be willing to ditch the roles and orient our lives around what actually strengthens us. And this is about the time the voices of doubt and resistance show up.\nHere Comes the Doubt and\xa0Fear\n\u201cBut if I only do what I want isn\u2019t that selfish? Isn\u2019t that narcissistic? Won\u2019t I be a lousy person or professional or husband or father if I\u2019m taking time away from that stuff to focus on what feeds me?\u201d\n\nGood point. The fear is that if we do what truly feeds us then that means we\u2019re going to damage the other things we really care about. But it doesn\u2019t have to be this way.\nWho Do You Want in Bed with Your Wife?\nConsider this idea \u2014 What if it\u2019s not a choice between either what strengthens you or protecting what you love? What if taking the time and energy to do what invigorates you has you be a better husband and father? What if doing the things that have you feel more peaceful and free also have you be more creative and productive at work?\n\nThe bullshit belief is that we have to deprive ourselves in order to do or be our best. We\u2019ve bought into this weak idea that caring for ourselves is selfish or bad or wrong.\n\nBut let me ask you this\u2026 Which version of yourself would you prefer to be in your office or in bed with your wife or playing with your kids? The one who is drained, checked out, resentful, or toxic? Or the one who is invigorated, present, open-hearted, and playful?\nThe Bottom Line?\nDon\u2019t use your job or your family to justify self-deprivation. Don\u2019t blame them.\n\nChallenge the idea that says you\u2019ll be fulfilled if you simply do what you imagine others expect of you.\n\nInstead, begin experimenting with action. Start small. Very small. You don\u2019t need a plan. You simply need to start experimenting and gathering data around what actually has you feel more alive or more free or more loving or more peaceful.\n\nThis is how you develop your sense of inner authority. This is how you slowly let go of role playing and step fully into a life that you truly love.\nThis is Just the Tip\nNow there are many, many more big ideas and practical lessons in The New Man 360 audio course. The New Man 360 covers what really matters and what rea...