- Comedy
- RELATED
Not My President And Skynet Can Do Whatever It Wants
In this episode of The Babylon Bee Podcast, Kyle and Ethan talk about the week\u2019s biggest stories like Skynet being a private company so their Terminator robots can do whatever they want to you, Democratic states are suddenly following the science on lockdowns, and how the right is learning from the left\u2019s past four years on how to cope when they feel like the president is not their president. There\u2019s weird news, glorious hate mail, and Kyle can\u2019t say the word \u201cdang.\u201d
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Introduction
Kyle can\u2019t say \u2018dang.\u2019
Stuff That\u2019s Good\xa0
Kyle likes C.S. Lewis\u2019 Abolition of Man\xa0
Ethan likes Run, Hide, Fight from The Daily Wire
Run Hide Fight Trailer
Dallas Sonnier Interview with Ben Shapiro\xa0
Weird News\xa0
New wristband the 'Moodbeam'\xa0 tells your boss if you are unhappy
Joe Exotic had a limo parked outside his prison, along with hair, makeup, and wardrobe people on standby, in case Trump pardoned him which never happened.
A California man was arrested Saturday and accused of hiding in a restricted area of Chicago's O'Hare International Airport for three months.\xa0
Stefan Thomas, of San Francisco, says he has made peace with forgetting his Bitcoin password that would turn him into a multimillionaire.\xa0
Thomas, who recently was featured in The New York Times, has about $220 million worth of Bitcoin locked away on a hard drive that will erase its data after 10 password attempts.
A New Guinness World Record!
Musician plays box drum for over 25 hours for new Guinness record
Amazon removes \u2018distasteful\u2019 coronavirus masks from sale.\xa0
Stories of the Week\xa0
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Summary: Local man Karl Langler argued that Skynet is a private company and can do what they want as a Terminator T-800 curb-stomped him and then vaporized him with a plasma rifle. \u201cListen, I hear people actually complaining that this is somehow a human rights violation. But only the government can violate your first amendment rights. Skynet is the creation of Cyberdyne systems and is a private company. They have the freedom to do whatever they want with their own platform.\u201d
Story 2: Democrat States Follow The Science By Doing What Florida Did Back In May
Summary: Democrat-run states are now calling on the nation to follow the science by doing what Florida did back in May: don\u2019t do lockdowns.
Story 3: Republican Starting To Think Trump Might Not Pull Off A Last-Minute 4D Chess Move
Summary: Local Republican man Edward Chasney admitted Wednesday that he\u2019s starting to worry Trump might not actually pull off a last-minute 4D chess move to win the election.
Topic of the Week: How to cope with life under a president you find hard to accept
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Put on a neon vest and shriek at the sky
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Accuse him of colluding with a foreign adversary with no evidence while sleeping with a Chinese spy
Impeach him at least 3 times, even on the final week of his presidency - why not go for four
Riot in every major city, set fires, and loot for weeks on end for like 6 months\xa0 - but whatever you do DO NOT riot at the capitol
Make every Late Night joke some variation of\xa0 \u2018your president bad\u2019\xa0
Have all comedians stop doing comedy and instead spend every waking minute tweeting at the president with some sort of expletive-laden Braveheart speech
Immediately assume half the country is secretly Nazis
When dining out, scream at all the other diners that we now live under a dictator between bites
Take 12 months worth of hormonal birth control at once and scream into your camera
Get a permanent face mask with stay 6 feet away printed on it
Keep all of your friends and family that agree with you close enough to hear the echo in the room
Make sure to do a deep dive into every actor and musician\u2019s Twitter history to make sure they align perfectly with your views. If not, cancel them.
Don\u2019t forget to embrace diversity as long as everyone still sees things exactly as you do
Keep the news on 24 hours a day and never leave the house. Always be on Twitter and your phone. Make sure you know everything the president is doing at all times.\xa0
\xa0Weep uncontrollably until 2024
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Hate Mail
Judith seems to think we are racist and don\u2019t understand the Calvinism/Arminianism debate, and doesn\u2019t appreciate the Biden color chart for covid relief calculations.
Subscriber Portion
Behind the Scenes Update
Bonus Hate Mail
Updates to the podcast
Headline Forum Highlights
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