Four Tendencies by Gretchen Rubin: From Obliging to Questioning
\xa0
\nAbout the Author
\nGretchen\xa0Rubin is one of today\u2019s most influential and thought-provoking observers of happiness and human nature. She\u2019s known for her ability to distill and convey complex ideas with humor and clarity, in a way that\u2019s accessible to a wide audience.\xa0
\nShe\u2019s the author of many books, including the blockbuster\xa0New York Times\xa0bestsellers\xa0Outer Order, Inner Calm,\xa0The Four Tendencies,\xa0Better Than Before, and\xa0The Happiness Project.\xa0She has an enormous readership, both in print and online, and her books have sold over 3.5 million copies worldwide, in more than thirty languages. (The Happiness Project\xa0spent two years on the bestseller list.)
\nOn her top-ranking, award-winning podcast\xa0\u201cHappier with Gretchen Rubin,\u201d she discusses happiness and good habits with her sister Elizabeth Craft.
\nIn her work, she draws from cutting-edge science, the wisdom of the ages, lessons from popular culture, and her own experiences to explore how we can make our lives happier, healthier, more productive, and more creative.
\nGretchen\xa0Rubin started her career in law and was clerking for Supreme Court Justice Sandra Day O\u2019Connor when she realized she wanted to be a writer.\xa0Raised in Kansas City, she lives in New York City with her husband and two daughters.
\nSource:\xa0https://gretchenrubin.com/about/biography/
\nClick here to buy on The Book Depository
\nhttps://www.bookdepository.com/The-Four-Tendencies/9781524762421/?a_aid=stephsbookshelf
\nAbout the Book
\nDuring her multibook investigation into human nature, Gretchen realized that by asking the suspiciously simple question \u201cHow do I respond to expectations?\u201d we gain explosive self-knowledge.
\nI discovered that people fit into Four Tendencies: Upholders, Questioners, Obligers, and Rebels. Our Tendency shapes every aspect of our behavior, so understanding this framework lets us make better decisions, meet deadlines, suffer less stress and burnout, and engage more effectively. The Four Tendencies explain\xa0why we act\xa0and\xa0why we don\u2019t act.
\nOne of the big daily challenges of life is: \u201cHow do I get people\u2014including myself\u2014to do what I want?\u201d Knowing the Four Tendencies make this task much, much easier.
\nSource:\xa0https://gretchenrubin.com/books/the-four-tendencies/about-the-book/
\nLinks
\nTake the quiz and find out your tendency here:\xa0https://quiz.gretchenrubin.com/
\nFind out more about the four tendencies here:
\nhttps://gretchenrubin.com/2013/10/what-kind-of-person-are-you-the-four-rubin-tendencies/
\nListen to Gretchen\u2019s podcast here:\xa0https://gretchenrubin.com/podcasts/
\nBIG IDEA 1 (5:07) \u2013 There are two types of expectations.
\nThis is the fundamental principle of the book. The two types of expectations are your internal expectation \u2013 which is placed on us by ourselves, and your external expectation \u2013 which is placed onto us by others.\xa0
\nIn Gretchen\u2019s research she found out that how people react to those expectations determines your type. It also determines what challenges, habits etc. you find easier or harder to maintain.
\nBIG IDEA 2 (5:56) \u2013 There are four tendencies.
\nThis is the application of big idea number one. How you react to the two expectations creates the four tendencies. The four tendencies are upholders \u2013 they uphold inner and outer expectations with motto \u201cdo what\u2019s right even if others say I\u2019m uptight\u201d.\xa0
\nSecond tendency is the obliger \u2013 those who are very willing to meet external expectations, doing things for others but struggle with internal expectations. Obligers motto is \u201cyou can count on me\u201d. These are the people that might struggle to meet and uphold their New Year\u2019s resolution.
\nThird type is the questioner, these people question all the expectation until they feel it was justified. They internalize & meet expectations once they agree that the expectation makes sense. Their motto is \u201cI\u2019ll comply if you convince me why\u201d. (I am a questioner!).
\nType number four is the rebel, and they resist all expectations. Their motto is \u201cyou can\u2019t make me, and neither can I\u201d. They struggle to stick to schedules or go with the plan and abide by the rules which they think aren\u2019t necessary.\xa0
\nBIG IDEA 3 (8:32) \u2013 Success through self-awareness.
\nKnowing your tendency helps you create the environment and habits you need to succeed both for yourself and for others. Having self awareness can help you work better with them and achieve more for yourself.\xa0
\nUpholders need to loosen up themselves a bit when plans change or rules don\u2019t make any sense or hold them back from achieving things. Obligers take commitment very seriously and are great to have in the team. But they can burn out because of always putting others first. If they become too burnt out they can become rebels. If you are an obliger and are struggling to meet inner expectations, try to find a way to pivot those so they become outer expectations (eg accountability buddies).
\nQuestioners really challenge the expectations and making sure things are being done for good reasons. This can also go too far, trusting nothing and noone because you could not make a decision due to not enough information to decide if it\u2019s worth doing or not. They value data and fact so working with them in your team can be an advantage.\xa0
\nRebels do things that they want to and when they want. They also find expectations almost offensive so you need to align their habits to their identity. That is the way to overcome the rebel nature. They\u2019re great to have around because they will take you places that you think you haven\u2019t gone to before. If this is you, find a purpose or identity to connect with to make what you need to do part of your identity.
\nAlso listen to\xa0Atomic Habits by James Clear
\nMusic By:\xa0 Retro Active Song by John Isaac
\nClick here to buy on The Book Depository
\n\xa0
Support my book habit: https://www.buymeacoffee.com/stephsbookshelf
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.