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Can you get excited about conflict? 

There\u2019s an old movie from 1950 that caught my attention. It predates me, but still enchanted me. The play-turned-movie is Harvey. The main character, Elmer P. Dowd, finds people in an uproar talking about what he believes in. Elmer\u2019s response, \u201cOh an element of conflict in any discussion is a very good thing. It shows everybody is taking part and nobody is left out. I like that.\u201d 

Hesha Abrams is an attorney-turned-mediator, something she\u2019s done for the past three decades. Her wisdom is epic and has lessons we can all learn from.

Conflict resolution has shortcuts. Mediation is about talking to work out deals. The idea of \u201cwin-win\u201d doesn\u2019t work because there\u2019s all too often someone\u2019s ego involved. There\u2019s either fear or a desire to dominate. That never makes for an equitable win-win. Logic, reason, and rationale do not solve problems. 

Key points from this episode with Hesha Abrams: 

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• Problems are solved at an emotional level. 
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• Even economic decisions are managed emotionally
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• People might not be playing to win, but they ARE playing not to lose. (Note: think about that for your own life)
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• Some people want to be right; most people do not want to be wrong. (The embarrassment might imply being outcast and ultimately alone.)
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• Look for/listen for the power dynamic in any interaction
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• Language matters - 
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• Request permission
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• Ask if the other person would \u201clike\u201d what you\u2019re offering
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• \u201cMay I share a story with you? Would you like it if I shared\u2026.\u201d
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• Look for where it becomes okay to make a deal
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• Interrupt strategically: \u201cDo you know what I like/respect/admire about you?\u201d
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• Name the emotion
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• Validate
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• Turn on the give-a-darn meter
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Empower by taking responsibility. Apologize. Request a \u201cdo-over.\u201d This gives the other person the power to say yes and allows you to model a culture that you value. 

Hesha and her resources may be found at:

website:  www.HoldingTheCalm.com And her book: HOLDING THE CALM

website: www.heshaabramsmediation.com

LinkedIn: hesha-abrams-esq   https://www.linkedin.com/in/hesha-abrams-esq/

Facebook: HeshaAbramsHoldingTheCalm     https://www.facebook.com/HeshaAbramsHoldingTheCalm

You Tube Channel: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCPcPngGiIF-GlC8w1l3sH8A