Negotiation Questions That Win And How To Use Them, with Dan Oblinger, Ep #101

Published: Sept. 16, 2019, 9 a.m.

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There are few people I know who are as competent and smart about how the negotiation questions we use impact the way the conversation goes than Dan Oblinger. Dan\\u2019s experience as a hostage negotiator coupled with his drive to understand the impact of deep listening is at the root of this superpower. He\\u2019s a fount of nuanced knowledge and he shares it so generously during this conversation.

We talk about what he calls \\u201cGarbage questions\\u201d and why they are so bad, why we need to ask questions that deserve to be answered, and how we can KNOW we are utilizing the best questions possible. There is so much information in this episode you should listen to it twice \\u2014 and take notes both times! Enjoy!

Outline of This Episode

  • [2:05] Dan Oblinger\\u2019s insights into the role of negotiators and the power of negotiation
  • [4:22] Most of the questions you ask are based on your preferred approach (and it\\u2019s horrible)
  • [5:59] How can we ask questions that deserve to be answered?
  • [13:01] Why questions are super risky but the simplest path to deep emotional responses
  • [15:07] Are there ways to over-empathize as you ask questions
  • [20:13] How to keep emotions in check when conversations begin to escalate
  • [26:55] Why you need to treat the other person\\u2019s story with respect
  • [31:06] Curiosity is at the heart of good questions \\u2014 and it requires humility

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