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There\u2019s only one surprisingly proportioned beef sandwich capable of stitching up the wide wounds carved across human civilization; and we\u2019re the ones to invent it. (Not cook it, mind you. Good lord, we cannot fathom how to go about cooking Longburger. God, the logistics are dizzying.) Suggested talking points: Mars 2113, Moon Germany, Oops All Croutons!, Great Sturg\u2019 Spots, Haunted House Acting, Morgue Benefits, The Longburger