K Sera’s afterthoughts:
- In defense of my “cold” view on relationships: the emotional bank account.
- I’ll admit. I’m a cynic. I don’t believe in altruism or the existence of love without boundaries. That’s storybook nonsense. Human behaviors are all motivated by self interest. “Oh, but you’re wrong,” you say. “There are people in the world who will sacrifice everything they have for their loved ones or a cause they believe in.”
Listen, I’m not saying love doesn’t exist and I’m not saying that people aren’t capable of great sacrifice. It does and they are. But the ultimate reasoning for engaging in relationships with others and making those sacrifices, by my reckoning, can be distilled down to self interest. Even if it isn’t immediately obvious. Give it a little more thought.
“Ah, but what about a person who pushes someone out of the way of a bus or something where there’s no real time to think about your actions? That’s altruistic," you say.
Alright, this is a good example of an iffy maybe, but I’d still say probably not. Sure, a gut level reaction to protect another doesn’t give a person much time to really consider the consequences, but ultimately this split-second decision must feel ‘right’ to them - they react according to what they want to do. They want to save that person. No thought beyond that. This isn’t selflessness, it’s single mindedness. People make choices without really thinking through all the possible outcomes all the time.
- Wow, my scales are just itchy today.
Anyway. You keep friends by being friendly or making “emotional deposits” into your shared “relationship account”. You lose them by being an asshole and making too many “emotional withdrawals”. You can’t expect people to simply like you for no reason. There’s always a reason.
- Was there something else I wanted to say about job interviews? Hm.
Phill afterthoughts:
- Ugh, I hate listening to myself make so many terrible arguments. Also, I completely ignored K Sera’s question (sorry K Sera) for not answering the question on how "if going on constantly going through interviews can get you a better job, what is the dating equivalent to?" I wanted to answer with "being good at interviewing is a learned practice. Being good at dating is also a learned practice. If you are fortunate enough to find someone who is a really lovely match, don't blow the date by talking about how The Last Jedi the entire time." You wait for the third date for something like that
- Editor agrees with K Sera 100%
- Thank God K Sera is actually understand the concept of a podcast and will ask the “two dudes” questions. Meanwhile, Micah and I just talk over each other.
- I get confused between Values (what we try to live our lives on) and being valuable (things we can do for others).
- I envy the calculating logic of lizards.