Level 26: Dark Origins

Published: Sept. 19, 2016, 4 a.m.

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What lurks beneath the bottom of the barrel? Well, we checked. Turns out that beneath the barrel\'s bottom slithers Anthony Zuiker\'s Level 26: Dark Origins. This episode, we\'re sneaking into the villain\'s dungeon, conveniently located in 2009, when it, apparently, seemed like a good idea to let the guy who made up CSI get together with his buddies and make this exceptionally book-like object, supplemented with zero-budget video clips, high-school-notebook-level drawings, and an attitude towards sex and violence best described as HOLY CRAP THIS IS AWFUL WHAT IS WRONG WITH THESE PEOPLE.

Episode highlights include: A PATENTED DIGRESSION! Clsn failing repeatedly to learn how to pronounce "Zuiker"! A book that includes the description "sick son of a bitch"! Book highlights include: when civilization collapses (next Tuesday), you can probably cook a pigeon over it, if you can catch a pigeon. And start a fire. You know what? Nevermind. Eat a potato instead; much easier to catch than a pigeon.

NOTE: this book is truly bad, and contains a lot of material about violence, including sexual violence. If you are sensitive to material like this, you may want to avoid this episode. (We certainly wish we\'d avoided this book.)

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Recommendations:

Music:

  • "New Level" by A$AP Ferg
  • "Cut Self Not" by Faraquet
  • "Cheesecake Truck" by King Missile
  • Theme from "Law & Order"
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