The Back Whack Attack
Gotta get my back back in whack...according to Dr. D the Chiropractor. He says I have not been straight with you sitting here in my big, manly, comfortable, black leather poppa chair in my living room. In fact he claims I have been tilting to the right for some time...not politically...personally. He also says I am heavier on the right side than on the left. By a lot. And one leg is longer than the other. That's weird. \n\tTo understand what happened next it would help if you try to remember that old song about..." the ankle bone is connected to the hip bone"...and all the way up your body to your head bone. And also try to remember the skiing video about "The thrill of victory and the agony of defeat," because those two ideas explain what happened when my feet hit the floor getting out of bed this morning. My feet bounced up around my neck, and the mouth part of my head bone popped wide open and made a very loud noise which expressed quite clearly in words of four letters the agony of de-feat. It was clearly Dr. D the Chiropractor time. \n\tWhen I got to his office he said, "We need some x-rays." His nurse flattened my back against the wall, which hurt so much if made the toes on de-feet curl up around my knees, and she aimed the machine at some part of my chest that has a long Latin name...and as Dr. D was unwinding a very long electric cord with a big red button at the end, he said " Now take a deep breath and hold it," then he and his nurse ran down the hall together to a handily positioned lead lined closet. I don't know what they were doing in there, but one of them must have bumped against the red button, because the x-ray machine went "click" the neon lights flicked, a mosquito that was buzzing across the room crashed, and something that sounded strangely like ka-ching came from the billing office. \n\tLong story short, the doctor said the x-rays proved that I have to get my back back in whack.