BROADCASTS.com

Three of Caradvice\u2019s biggest cocks just got up and walked out. And they\u2019re not coming back.

The cocks in question, who made like Moses after the 10 plagues - even though that - guaranteed - never happened - were the so-called \u201cfounding team\u201d at Caradvice: Alborz Fallah, Tony Crawford and (quote-unquote) \u201cmedia personality\u201d Paul Maric.

So this is kind of interesting. Caradvice\u2019s three biggest cocks become contemporaneously erect, and fly the coop in formation, yesterday. As symbolic \u2018fuck yous\u2019 go - it doesn\u2019t get much more emphatic.

I should point out that calling someone a cock is actually a mark of deep respect. The cock is a proud animal. If you\u2019re top cock in the henhouse, all the roosters want to be you, and all the chicks want to do you. It\u2019s an enviable position in which to be.

These chaps are therefore fully-qualified, A-grade cocks.

Recent history: Caradvice started out as nothing more than a bulge in Alborz\u2019s underpants. He\u2019d always wanted a hot pink Ferrari and to drive fast cars in exotic locations with lifetime platinum frequent flier status, while inflicting himself on innocent car enthusiasts, all on the car industry\u2019s dime.

He originally wanted to be a garage door installer - but that didn\u2019t work out, so he fell back on almost-journalism.

This secondary media entrepreneurial wet dream grew into an advertising delivery powerhouse. And despite the fact that I worked there as editor in chief for a brief period (not a good fit) - they finally sold it for millions to Nine Digital

...which is like Channel Nine, only more mentally retarded, and with no audience. Same sociopathic tendencies as regular broadcast TV, however, so that\u2019s nice.

Anyway, Nine also buys Fairfax, which owns Drive. They take Drive to the prison shower with the big digital cocks, and Drive emerges limping,  a shadow of its former self. (It\u2019s just Caradvice with a different logo now.) And Nine\u2019s digital cocks pat each other on the arse over a fine job well done.

The long-term chief executive of Caradvice - he\u2019s enjoying all of this so much that he just gets up and walks out of the building a couple of months ago. And they fill the void left by his departure with \u2026 some faceless Nine Digital beancounter.

The unsinkable automotive ship - the RMS Advertising Delivery - is at this point bearing right down an iceberg you can see from space. Moments before impact, the big, founding cocks all sprout wings. 

Caradvice can exist without the big founding cocks - certainly - but not as we know it. See, in the modern digital marketplace, where video is king, the brand is the key people. The audience has a relationship with the big cocks - but this is something a Nine Digital wonk is unlikely to appreciate.

Like, you\u2019re sitting here listening to me now. I\u2019m talking to you. You\u2019re \u2026 I dunno \u2026 on the crapper, cracking one off (one of life\u2019s significant pleasures) \u2026 and here we are, spending this special time together. It\u2019s kind of intimate, isn\u2019t it? Only, not in a fag way. (Not that there\u2019s anything wrong with that.)

Video equals personal connection. So, Caradvice just lost that. It\u2019s intangible, but hugely significant. Which just points to an epic level of management mental retardation at Nine Digital. Well done there. You chumps.