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A Tesla Model S has gone 100 per cent \u2018bad valet\u2019 in Queensland.

I\u2019m John Cadogan from AutoExpert.com.au, and I get new cars cheap for buyers here in \u2018Straya. https://autoexpert.com.au/contact

Some would say Tesla is (at least in part) a religion. Therefore, this report is tantamount to \u2018heresy\u2019. 

I do apologise (almost) for what I am about to say, and beg forgiveness from Pope Elon the First and (of course) Electric Jesus. (And isn\u2019t it funny how they\u2019ve never been seen in the same room together. Just saying.)

Recently, 80-year-old senior Shitsvillian finance wizard Noel Whittaker, AM, author of 22 books on money, apparently went out (quietly) and joined the cult of Electric Jesus, and procured for himself a $175,000 Tesla Model S. I don\u2019t know why, when he could have had a perfectly fine BMW. Anyway...

So the finance dude\u2019s Tesla has Auto Park. And, he\u2019s at the shopping mall reversing into a parking spot, as you do.

Electric Jesus reaches out, using The Force, and says \u2018Would you like to use Auto Park?\u2019 On the message centre. The Whitt-meister goes \u2018OK\u2019. Hits the button. Like: \u2018approved\u2019. Mission control: We are \u2018go\u2019 for autonomous parking. Release the friggin\u2019 robot.

The mighty Model S obediently engages Auto Park \u2026 and immediately crashes itself into the brick wall behind. (According to Mr Whittaker.)

Which I think you\u2019d agree is the ideal outcome \u2026 endlessly entertaining for you and me, and of course perfect for journalism generally. The swan-eater emerges from the wreckage, thankfully unhurt, promptly calls Tesla, and they go (I\u2019m paraphrasing): It\u2019s entirely your fault mate - there\u2019s no way we\u2019re paying the $8000 repair bill. That\u2019s down to you.

There\u2019s a certain sympathetic dimension - a degree of anticipated commiseration and empathy - which, I would argue, is entirely absent from that exchange.

The Cult\u2019s position on this is - apparently - that \u2018Auto Park\u2019 is just a name, and you still have to be in charge when you let EJ\u2019s mad parking robot off the chain. Which kinda forces me to ponder if perhaps the meaning of the word \u2018automatic\u2019 is in some way ambiguous.