EP188 What are your secret rules for how everyone else should behave?

Published: Feb. 23, 2020, 5 p.m.

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Sometimes a relatively minor issue \\u2014 like students not remembering to put their names on their papers \\u2014 can create an outsized reaction in us. That\\u2019s certainly been true for me \\u2014 as a new teacher, I couldn\\u2019t believe I was having to remind the kids AGAIN to write the proper heading (yes, friends, on EVERY assignment).

The real source of my frustration wasn\\u2019t no-name papers, though. It was my belief that students should have internalized all classroom procedures early in the school year, and would therefore not need any more reminders after that.

Turns out, this expectation is neither factual nor realistic. It was my own secret rule \\u2014 an expectation that only existed in my mind, but wasn\\u2019t true for everyone else around me.

Secret rules are the reason why the exact same behavior can elicit annoyance in one person, and not in another.

When you are aware that everyone has their own set of secret rules, it becomes far less frustrating when people don\\u2019t follow yours. You realize they are not necessarily being inconsiderate, rude, or disrespectful.

In this episode, you\\u2019ll learn how to identify your own secret rules and how those conflict with the secret rules of the people around you. And, you\\u2019ll learn how to get curious rather than judgmental. Explore your secret rules, and consider what secret rules might be driving other people\\u2019s decision-making. This process will give you distance from the little stuff that\\u2019s bothering you so that you can be more at peace within yourself and with others.

Click here to read the transcript and participate in the discussion or, join our new podcast Facebook group here to connect with other teachers and discuss the Truth for Teachers\' podcast episodes.

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