BROADCASTS.com

Published: Dec. 8, 2022, 2:44 p.m.

Ben and Mia, young zombies in love, search for the perfect xmas present in a world of the walking dead.\xa0

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Cast List

Mia - Brenda Dau
Ben - Derek M. Koch
\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 \xa0of Mail Order Zombie
Geek - Glen Hallstrom
Tick - Frankenvox
Chuck - Bob Noble
Andy - Reynaud LeBoeuf
Doris - Julie Hoverson
Sheri - Crystal Thomson
Ted - J. Spyder Isaacson
Voicebox - Beverly Poole
Fred & Bob - Big Anklevich
\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 & Rish Outfield
\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 of Dunesteef Audio Magazine
Ben's Double - Danar Hoverson
Mia's Double - Julie Hoverson

Other zombies:\xa0 Al Aseoche, Jacquie Duckworth, Reynaud LeBoeuf, Jack Hosley, Sidney Williams, Glen Hallstrom, Bob Noble, Brian Weingartner, Ferguson and family, Robyn Keyes, Kim Poole, Michael Hudson.

Music by Jason Shaw (Audionautix.com)
Show theme:\xa0 Kevin MacLeod (Incompetech.com)
Editing and Sound: \xa0 Julie Hoverson
Cover Design:\xa0 Brett Coulstock

"What kind of a place is it?
Why it's an apartment on the wrong side of town, can't you tell?"

********************************************************************************************

GIFT OF THE ZOMBI

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Cast:

[Opening credits - Olivia]

Mia, zombie (20s) dating Ben

Ben, zombie (20s) dating Mia

Ted, zombie (30s), Mia's horny neighbor

Andy, henpecked zombie (40s)

Doris, Andy's wife (40s)

Geek, a broker (30s)

Sheri, a lovelorn friend (20s)

Tick, an unscrupulous intact (human, 30s)

Fred, a zombie (any)

Bob, another zombie (any)

Chuck, overseer zombie (any)

Voicebox - mechanical translator

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ALL ZOMBIES (unless noted as exceptions, below) have dual vocal tracks - the "zombie-voice" track, which is unintelligible, but vaguely mirrors the normal voice and events, and the "mind voice" (sounds like a voiceover), which is how they sound to each other.\xa0

/n = normal"mind voice"

/z = "zombie voice"

There are places where we only hear the zoombie voice.

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Exceptions:\xa0

DORIS has no "mind voice", just incoherent shrieks

GEEK only has a zombie voice, but he is clearly understandable, if still zombie-like

TICK is human, and has no zombie-voice.

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NOTE: \xa0The zombie apocalypse has come and been dealt with more or less.\xa0 Zombies might still attack humans, if they see them, but humans tend to live in the walled cities and have become somewhat mythological to the zombies outside.\xa0

Zombies still are self-aware, but they think and speak so very slowly that they are difficult for humans to understand.\xa0 Conversely, to a zombie, humans seem to speak incredibly fast - almost incomprehensibly so.\xa0 That's why humans developed the voicebox to take what they say and slow it down enough for a zombie to understand.

OLIVIA \xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0Did you have any trouble finding it?\xa0 What do you mean, what kind of a place is it?\xa0 Why, it's a crumbling apartment building, can't you tell?\xa0

MUSIC

SCENE 1.\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 MIA'S APARTMENT

SOUND \xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0WIND-UP ALARM GOES OFF

SOUND\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 FLIES IN THE B/G THROUGHOUT

MIA/Z\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 [distant moan of awakening, which continues, sporadically,\xa0 punctuating the narrative]

MIA/n\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 I hate Mondays.\xa0

SOUND\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 ALARM SLAPPED OFF TABLE, STOPS RINGING

SOUND\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 STUMBLING FOOTSTEPS

MUSIC\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 VAGUE WARPED CHRISTMAS CAROL PLAYS SOMEWHERE

MIA/n\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 It doesn\u2019t help that it's two days til Christmas and I haven\u2019t got Ben his present.

MIA/z\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 [roar of anger]

SOUND \xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0SOMETHING CRASHES TO FLOOR, GLASS BREAKS.

MIA/N\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 The holidays just bring out the worst in me.

SOUND\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 DOOR OPENS, FOOTSTEPS CONTINUE

MIA/N\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 [sigh] Checking my stitches in the mirror - nice to see nothing weird happened in the night.\xa0 I love the hot pink against my pale skin.\xa0 [beat] I know I'm swimming against the tide, but I still like to look nice, even when no one else gives a hang.\xa0 They're welcome to run around unwashed, in raggedy-ass clothes, just leaves more Prada for me.

SOUND\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 SPRAY CAN PSSHT, FLIES STOP, TINY DROPPING NOISES

MIA/n\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 A little spray - no water, that's just asking for mold - and I'm ready to face the day.

SOUND\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 [under the next] SHAMBLING FOOTSTEPS OUT OF BATHROOM AGAIN, STRUGGLES FEET INTO SHOES, NOW SHAMBLING FEET ARE IN HEELS.\xa0

MIA/n\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 Ben's gift is the big problem.\xa0 I know what I want to get him, but it won't come cheap.\xa0 There just aren't that many floating around out there.

MUSIC

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\xa0

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SCENE 2.\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 OUTSIDE

SOUND\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 NO TRAFFIC. JUST BIRDS, SHAMBLING FOOTSTEPS, OR OCCASIONAL BREAKING THINGS.

SOUND\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 STRUGGLE WITH OBJECTS, THINGS FALL AWAY

BEN/z\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 [moans, fighting his way to his feet]

BEN/n\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 [hungover sounding] Wow, what did I do last night?\xa0

BEN/z\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 [shake head noise]

BEN/n\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 Oh, crap - Mia'll be expecting me--

SOUND\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 SHAMBLING FEET SPEED UP

BEN/n\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 For all her persnickityness, Mia is totally the greatest babe around, and I am sooo lucky that I'm the one she's into.\xa0 I figured for the longest time that she was just slumming with a grot like me - right up until we really did it.\xa0 Went whole hog and did the handfast.\xa0 It's like always having a piece of her with me.\xa0

[note:\xa0 in this case, the handfast was actually trading hands.\xa0 zombies can buy and sell body parts and trade them with one another]

ANDY/z\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 [morning]

BEN/z\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 [yo!\xa0 How's it going?]

ANDY/z\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 [falling moan, ending in a squeal]

BEN/n\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 Don't I know it!\xa0 Man, if ever a guy was whipped, Andy is the poster boy.\xa0 He's gonna catch hell for not getting home to Doris last night.\xa0 Almost tempting to stay and see the fray, but meeting Mia is the only thing on my maggoty little mind right now.

MUSIC

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SCENE 3.\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 MIA'S STAIRCASE

SOUND\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 BODY FALLS DOWN STAIRS, FOLLOWED BY THE CLATTER OF A SHOE.

MIA/z\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 [distraught moan]

MIA/n\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 Darn stair carpet.\xa0 Darn heels.\xa0

SOUND\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 FEELING AROUND FOR THE SHOE AND PUTTING IT BACK ON

MIA/n\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 Alas, vanity doesn't come cheap.\xa0 Ben loves my little foibles.\xa0 He understands why it matters so much to me, to be beautiful for him.\xa0 Looking back at my pink stitches, almost tripping as I crane my neck to see, I wonder whether he will like them as much as I do.

SOUND\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 SHAMBLING FEET IN HEELS AGAIN, ANOTHER SET OF FEET COMES ON

TED/z\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 [moan approaches, vaguely suggestive]

MIA/z\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 [dismissive moan]

MIA/n\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 Not today, Ted.\xa0 I don't have time for any of your nonsense.

TED/z\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 [moan ending in a squeak/question]

MIA/n\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 I'm with Ben, Ted.\xa0 You know that.\xa0 I'm not giving up what I have with him.\xa0 He has my hand, and my promise.\xa0 He even has my heart ... just in the old-fashioned way.

TED/z\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 [mournful and pissed moan]

MIA/n\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 Yeah, yeah, yeah - if you were the last one on earth, maybe.

MIA/z\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 [roar/moan as she brushes him aside]

SOUND\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 STUMBLING FEET QUICKLY TO DOOR, SLAMS OPEN, TUMBLES THROUGH

MIA/z\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 [roar of triumph]

MIA/N\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 First time!! [made it on the first try!]\xa0 This is gonna be a great day!

MUSIC

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SCENE 4.\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 OUTSIDE, NEAR BEN

ANDY/z\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 [cursing groan]

ANDY/n\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 Come on, Ben.\xa0 Doris likes you!\xa0 If I say you needed my help, she'll buy it!

BEN/z\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 [dismissive groan]

SOUND\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 SHAMBLING FEET MOVING AWAY, STUMBLING AFTER

ANDY/z\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 [dude]

ANDY/N\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 Dude!\xa0 Come on--

DORIS/z\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 [distant strident squeal]

ANDY/n\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 Oh, crap!

SOUND\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 SOMETHING WET SPLATS ON PAVEMENT, THEN DISTANT FEET APPROACHING

ANDY/z\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 [strange gurgling warble]

ANDY/n\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 [sigh] I lose more tongues that way.

DORIS/z\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 [strident squeal, closer]

MUSIC

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SCENE 5.\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 OUTSIDE NEAR MIA'S BUILDING

SOUND\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 HIGH HEEL SHAMBLE

MIA/z\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 [low moan]

GEEK/z\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 [he speaks clear enough to understand, but still zombie-like] [hey, fingers!]

MIA/z\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 [quizzical]

MIA/n\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 Yeah, what's it to you?

GEEK/z\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 [you got any to spare?]

MIA/n\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 No!\xa0 I like mine right where they are.

GEEK/z\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 [get you a good price.\xa0 Fingers are always top value.]

MIA/z\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 [sharp moan of anger]

MIA/n\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 Look - these five are my boyfriend's, and this one says--

MIA/z\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 [fuck you]

GEEK/z\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 [you'll be back [louder] they always come back!!]

MIA/n\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 Damn parts brokers - [jealous] always have the best tongues.

MUSIC

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SCENE 6.\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 OUTSIDE, ELSEWHERE

[note:\xa0 throughout the rest of the show, unless otherwise noted, appropriate zombie noises play under]

MIA\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 [calling]\xa0 Hey babycakes!

BEN\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 [off]\xa0 Yo sweet thang!

SOUND\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 PLODDING FOOTSTEPS COME TOGETHER

MIA\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 Mm.\xa0 Missed you!

BEN\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 Double that.

SOUND\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 DISGUSTING SLOPPY LICKY KISSY NOISES

MIA\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 [mild slurp, then hot]\xa0 You are such a good kisser.\xa0

BEN\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 Don't know how I'd get up each day without you to look forward to.

MIA\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 [giggles]\xa0

BEN\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 Let's walk.\xa0 Want to show you something.

MIA\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 Oh?\xa0 Well, I've got a little time before hitting the old treadmill.

BEN\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 You know I'd support you if I could--

MIA\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 I like looking after my own needs.\xa0 [flirting] Leaves you to look after my wants.

BEN\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 Ooh!

MUSIC

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SCENE 7.\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 OUTSIDE, NEAR STORE

SOUND\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 PLODDING FEET

MIA\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 I should have worn more convenient shoes.

BEN\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 Sorry!\xa0 Almost there.

MIA\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 What is...it...?\xa0 [awe]\xa0 Oh!

BEN\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 I thought you might say that.\xa0 Just saw them.\xa0 Of course, they're not cheap.

MIA\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 [drooling -- zombie noises under get really slobbery] Patent leather, thigh high - oh, I'd never have to take them off!

BEN\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 The heels aren't too high, are they?

MIA\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 [sigh of ecstasy]\xa0 I love stacks...

MUSIC

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SCENE 8.\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 OUTSIDE, Later

BEN\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 [bummed] I was right, she loved the boots.

ANDY\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 And how much did you say they were?

BEN \xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0More than I've had in living memory.

ANDY\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 At any one time?

BEN\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 EVER.\xa0

ANDY\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 Woah.\xa0 Well, suppose you can hit the mills like the rest of us schmoes - if you're truly that desperate.

BEN\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 [scoff noise] \xa0The mills?\xa0 It'd take me ten years - and they'd probably sell by then.

ANDY\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 What, then?\xa0 Go out snatching?\xa0 That's pretty much your only other option.

BEN\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 [sighs]\xa0 I thought I might ask around, see what I could borrow--

ANDY\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 Woah, there!\xa0 You know Doris holds the purse strings!

BEN\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 If I was going to snatch anyone, I'd snatch her - she's got enough body for three.

ANDY\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 [musing] You know...\xa0 That's not a bad idea.

BEN\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 [disturbed] Serious?

ANDY\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 Nah.\xa0 I'd fall apart without her keeping me moving.\xa0 I guess that's love.

BEN\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 [agreeing hmph]

MUSIC

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SCENE 9.\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 TREADMILLS

SOUND\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 HEAVY WHIRRING NOISE UNDER.\xa0 DISTANT NORMAL STREET SOUNDS

MIA\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 Hey!

OTHER ZOMBIES\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 [Morning!] [nice to see you!] [Mia!\xa0 Looking good!]

SOUND\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 MANY PLODDING FEET

MIA\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 Hey Chuck!\xa0 Got a space?

CHUCK\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 For you?\xa0 Always, babe.\xa0 Wanna lose the heels first?

MIA\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 Brought my work shoes.\xa0 Just need a moment at the bench.

CHUCK\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 I'd offer to help, but...[chuckles]\xa0 Thank god for velcro, eh?

MIA\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 Hah!\xa0 I have all my fingers.

CHUCK\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 [chuckles] Coulda fooled me - [teasing] That looks like your fellow's hand...?

MIA\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 [chuckles]\xa0 Jealous?

MUSIC

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SCENE 10.\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 OUTSIDE, ELSEWHERE

[note - Ben has zombie noises under, geek does not - he always sounds like a zombie trying to talk]

GEEK\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 [Psst.]

BEN\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 What?

GEEK\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 [heard you were having some money troubles.]

BEN\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 What's it to you?

GEEK\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 [I might be able to help you with that.]

BEN\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 I don't think so.\xa0 I don't have anything I feel like selling.

GEEK\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 [You got some extra fingers.\xa0 An entire hand that looks... spare]

BEN\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 No way. Man!\xa0 That's - that's Mia's hand!\xa0 I should smack you with it just for suggesting that!

GEEK\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 [Hey!\xa0 I don't want no trouble!\xa0 I'm just a businessman!]

BEN\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 [spits out the word] Businessman.\xa0 You're a parts broker.\xa0

GEEK\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 [Yeah, and we both know you come to me when you need something, then you spit on me when I try to help you out.]

SOUND\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 SHUFFLING FEET START TO LEAVE

BEN\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 Wait.

GEEK\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 [what?]

BEN\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 What - what's in high demand?

GEEK\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 [What?]

BEN\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 I mean, if I was... going to sell something ...just if... what would you be [reluctant, forcing the words out] paying the best prices for?

GEEK\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 [[chuckles] See?\xa0 When you need me--]

BEN\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 Cut the crap and tell me.

GEEK\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 [Appendages are always good.\xa0 Fingers, noses, ears.\xa0 And soft parts, like tongues and, uh.... [suggestive] you know.]\xa0

BEN\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 [gulp]

GEEK\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 [Toes not so much - most just get by without - unless you have a complete foot somewhere - those are collectible, but only in pristine condition.\xa0 Eyes are pretty good, and you hardly need two.]\xa0

BEN\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 What about parts that - aren't mine?

GEEK\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 [Stolen parts?\xa0 What makes you think I trade dirty?]

BEN\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 Your type always does.

GEEK\xa0 \xa0\xa0\xa0[[pissed again] My type?\xa0 My type?\xa0 I think you just talked yourself out of a good deal, pal.]

BEN\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 Shit, I--

GEEK\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 [incoherent roar, as he leaves]

MUSIC

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SCENE 11.\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 TREADMILL

AMB - underlying zombies moans, many many plodding feet

MIA\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 [no specific moaning for this speech] Being on the treadmill gives you plenty of time to think.\xa0 You stare at the back of the guy in front of you and wonder what's going through his head.\xa0 Ben doesn't like the nine to five, but I figure - heck, you gotta do something, and if you feel the urge to walk, might as well get paid for it, right?

SOUND\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 SOMEONE CLIMBS ON THE TREADMILL

[vocals have zombie noises under again]

TED\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 Hey Mia!

MIA\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 [sigh] Hi Ted.

TED\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 Funny running into you here.\xa0 Shove over?

MIA\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 Right.\xa0 Like I don't do this every day.\xa0 No room.

SHERI\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 Hey Mia! [warm] Hey Ted.

TED\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 [dismissive] Sheri. [wheedling] Come on, Mia, squeeze in a little.\xa0 There's space next to you if you make room.

MIA\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 Sorry, Ted [she's not].\xa0 Been saving that for... Sheri.

SHERI\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 Huh?

TED\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 Sheri won't mind - will you?

SHERI\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 I - I guess not...

MIA\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 Oh, no Ted.\xa0 We have girl talking to do.\xa0 Bye-bye.\xa0 Hop up Sheri.

TED\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 Fine.\xa0 See you at end of shift?

MIA\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 [muttered] Not if I see you first.\xa0

SOUND\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 TED FLOPS OFF

MIA\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 [up]\xa0 I don't know what you see in him, Sher.

SHERI\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 Neither do I.\xa0 Pheromones I guess.

MIA\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 Well, he does smell.

SHERI\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 [on an ecstatic sigh] Yes.

MIA\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 [ugh]\xa0 Hey, Sher, I gotta problem.

SHERI\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 Oh?\xa0 [horrified] You didn't... break up with Ben?

MIA\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 No!\xa0 Why would you say that?

SHERI\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 Nothing.

MIA\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 Did you hear something, or are you just worried that Ted might somehow luck out and catch me on the rebound?

SHERI\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 Um.\xa0 The second one.

MIA\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 Kinda thought so.\xa0 O-K, passing over your insecurity, can we discuss my problem?

SHERI\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 [relieved] Sure!

MIA\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 I found the perfect present for Ben, and I don't know how I'm gonna afford it.\xa0

SHERI\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 You mean...um...what you said he's missing?

MIA\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 Yeah.\xa0 All his fleshy parts haven't lasted so well - I keep telling him that sleeping rough isn't good for him, but he hates being cooped up.\xa0 Says being nibbled on by rats is preferable to a cage.

SHERI\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 You live in a cage?

MIA\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 He means an apartment.\xa0

SHERI\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 Oh.\xa0 Well, I'm sure he looks fine without one.\xa0 You see plenty of missing ones out there every day.

[NOTE:\xa0 they're discussing noses, but it makes it sound like something more suggestive]

MIA\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 I know, but he would - well, from things he's said, he would actually LIKE one.\xa0 Make him feel like a new man.\xa0 I thought I might get him one of those artificial ones - you know, cast in plastic?\xa0 In a skin tone, though - not one of those weird colored ones.

SHERI\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 They're all the rage with the trendoids these days, the neon ones.\xa0 I guess they figure if it's gonna look fakey, might as well make a statement.\xa0 And some of them get freakishly big.

MIA\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 Well, I found a place to get something real high quality.\xa0 Won't look fake at all.\xa0 They'll even tint it to match his skin.\xa0 And it won't rot or fall off.\xa0 Guaranteed to last.\xa0 Not even a nibble.

SHERI\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 It won't make him smell any better.

MIA\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 No, but I get the feeling he would be more secure in our relationship if he - well - if he fit more the image he thinks I'd go for.

SHERI\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 Someone with all their parts?

MIA\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 Oh, heck.\xa0 I'd love Ben with or without any number of parts, but he seems to think I'd like him better if he actually had a nose.

SHERI\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 [hmm]\xa0 I could maybe loan you a little--

MIA\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 No, this guy charges a bunch.\xa0 I'm actually tempted to sell a part or two - something I don't use, or not so much, you know?

SHERI\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 Don't go there.\xa0 Starts out simple, a finger here, an ear there, and then - voila!\xa0 You end up checking people in at work like "Chuck, the torso" - stuck in admin cuz you got no limbs left. \xa0Or worse - that guy who talks out his neck since he woke up one morning and his head was gone.

MIA\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 [sigh] You're probably right.\xa0

MUSIC

\xa0

SCENE 12.\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 OUTSIDE, ELSEWHERE

AMB\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 SLIGHT ECHO - AND A DRIP SOMEWHERE

SOUND\xa0\xa0 \xa0\xa0FLOPPY STEPS IN WATER

[note\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 Tick speaks slowly and has no zombie echo, Ben sounds completely zombie - no voice over - for this scene

TICK\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 You looking for me?

BEN\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 [gasp] [what?]

SOUND\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 STUMBLE FLOPPY STEPS IN WATER

TICK\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 Don't bother - just stand still.

BEN\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 [you're a - an intact?]

TICK\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 And you're a dead lump of shit, but maybe we can help each other.

BEN\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 [moan of acceptance]

TICK\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 Good.\xa0 Now stay quiet while I tell you what we're doing here.

BEN\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 [slurpy gasp]

TICK\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 That's disgusting.\xa0 But I need a heap like you to front for me.\xa0 I have some... parts... to be disposed of, but I can't just wander into maggotville myself.\xa0

BEN\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 [Why me?]

TICK\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 My source says you're tough and desperate.\xa0 And stupid.

BEN\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 [stifled annoyed noise]

TICK\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 So maybe he's wrong.\xa0

BEN\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 [I am desperate]

TICK\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 [snort]\xa0 Fine.\xa0 Here's the deal - I don't give a flying fluck about your crappy corpse cash.\xa0 On the other hand, I like having folks - dead or alive - who owe me.

BEN\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 [What you need from me?]

TICK\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 I'll tell you when it comes up.\xa0 Right now, I just need this bag of ... parts to vanish.\xa0

BEN\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 [It's illegal.]

TICK\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 [cajoling] They're nice and fresh.\xa0 [impatient] Fine.\xa0 Clock is ticking.\xa0 Tick tock.\xa0 Tick tock.\xa0 You even remember what "time" is, maggot?

BEN\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 [It's almost Christmas.\xa0 [beat] I'll do it.]

MUSIC

\xa0

SCENE 13.\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 TREADMILL

SOUND\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 TREADMILL, FEET PLODDING

SHERI\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 You ever wonder what they do over there?

MIA\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 [lost in a daze] Hmm?\xa0 Over the wall?

SHERI \xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0Yeah.\xa0 The [awed whisper] In-tacts?

MIA\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 Don't know.\xa0 Don't care.\xa0 Except for when they come over here and drag off my friends, I say leave them alone.\xa0

SHERI\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 But you do believe in them, don't you?

MIA\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 Believe in them?\xa0 What's to believe - we see them marching on the wall, and they're the ones who shell out for us to walk on this damn treadmill day and night.\xa0 They're as real as ... as... shoes.\xa0

SHERI\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 Some say we all came from in-tacts, way back when.

MIA\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 [lightly sarcastic] Yes, and a wasp nest in your head is a sign of good luck and not just poor hygiene.\xa0 I swear Sheri, you'll believe anything.

SHERI\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 You believe they carry people off, though?

MIA\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 Well, yeah - we've all seen that.\xa0 They appear from nowhere, in those dark helmets and suits, and by the time you catch your breath, someone's vanished.

SHERI\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 [awed] I saw one once.

MIA\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 A kidnapping?

SHERI\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 An in-tact.

MIA\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 [half-teasing, half worried] You know, they say if you mentioned them three times, they'll appear out of thin air.

SHERI\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 [agreeing, distant] They are really fast.

MIA\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 [exasperated] Sheri!\xa0 Don't--

SHERI\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 I did, though!\xa0 I really saw one.\xa0 Not just in a suit and helmet like they usually are, but one right... up... close.

MIA\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 [sighs, feels her pain]\xa0 Tell me about it?

SHERI\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 It was a guy, I think, and the funny part is he looked so much like a regular person.\xa0 Just that he was so fast and he was - well - he had everything.\xa0 His skin was perfect, no holes or anything, and it was this warm rosy color.\xa0 I... yearned to touch him, but when I reached out, he turned and ran away.\xa0

MIA\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 [uncertain] That...must have been ....weird.

SHERI\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 [almost teary] It was like I saw an angel, and it saw something horrible in me.

MIA\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 Oh, Sheri--

SHERI\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 Maybe that's why Ted won't love me?\xa0 Because I'm horrible inside?

MIA\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 Aw, Sheri.\xa0 [reassuring] We're all horrible inside.\xa0 And if anyone's seen an angel here and not realized it, Ted's the one.\xa0 He sees you every day and misses out every time he turns his back.

SHERI\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 [sniff sniff]

MUSIC

\xa0

SCENE 14.\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 OUTSIDE, ELSEWHERE

SOUND\xa0\xa0\xa0 \xa0BAG PASSED WITH A SQUISH

GEEK\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 [you sure you don't want any of them?]

BEN\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 [upset] I... don't need any girl parts, thanks.

GEEK\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 [Squeamish?\xa0 All you had to do was lug a bunch of fresh merchandise here to my humble workshop.]

BEN\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 I've never.... felt... they were so [disgusted] warm.

GEEK\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 [Fresher just means it'll last longer.\xa0 Nothing more.\xa0 You want your pay or not?]

BEN\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 [down] Yeah.

MUSIC

\xa0

SCENE 15.\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 TREADMILL

SHERI\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 --you know that guy Sam I was dating?

MIA\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 [worn down] Yeah?

SHERI\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 And how he was always mouthing off about--

SOUND\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 WHISTLE, END OF SHIFT

MIA\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 [heartfelt] Oh yesss!\xa0 What a relief!

SHERI\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 [not getting it] Yeah!\xa0 Let's go somewhere - I was in the middle of telling you about Sam.

MIA\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 [almost panicky] Nah, save it for next time - I have to meet up with Ben.

SHERI\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 It's so great to have someone to talk to while we walk - Tomorrow, same time?

MIA\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 [transparently lying] Sure!\xa0 Oh, no - wait - I promised I would do this thing with Ben tomorrow.

SHERI\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 What thing?

MIA\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 [panicky, trying to cover] You mean I didn't mention the thing? I--uh--

SOUND\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 DISTANT ZOMBIE NOISES AND SCREAMS

SHERI\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 What the--?

MIA\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 Come on!

SOUND\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 SLOW PLODDING.\xa0 LARGE GROUP OF ZOMBIES GATHERING

MUSIC

\xa0

SCENE 16.\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 OUTSIDE, ELSEWHERE

SOUND \xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0SLOW PLODDING, ONE SET OF FEET

ANDY\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 [distant] Ben!\xa0 Ben!

BEN\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 [sigh]

SOUND\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 PLODDING STOPS

BEN\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 Yeah?

SOUND\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 ANDY'S FEET APPROACH

ANDY\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 [panicky] Ben, man, am I glad to see you - it's Doris!\xa0 Jeez, she slipped and I think something's broken!

BEN\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 [muttered] Lucky you. [up] What do you mean?

ANDY\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 Her leg - it snapped and now she can't get up!\xa0 What am I gonna do, Ben?

BEN\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 Andy, Doris is such a--

ANDY\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 I know I know.\xa0 She gives me hell and treats me like a dog, but what can I do, Ben, I love her!\xa0 You gotta help me.\xa0 I'll do anything!

BEN\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 Let me take a look.

MUSIC

\xa0

SCENE 17.\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 ALTERCATION

SOUND\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 LOTS OF SHAMBLING FEET, MOANS

MIA\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 What happened?

SHERI\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 Where's everyone going?

FRED\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 It's one of the overseers!

MIA\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 An in-tact?\xa0 What happened?

BOB\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 I seen the whole thing!\xa0 He fell off the wall and someone made a grab fer him!

SHERI\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 Oh no!

FRED\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 Oh, yeah!\xa0 He's somewhere in the middle of the dogpile there.

MIA\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 Isn't anyone helping?

BOB\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 What are you, some kind of pervert?\xa0 This is an [spits out the word] In-tact.\xa0 [excited] They're tearing him apart!

MIA\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 We should get out of here!

SHERI\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 B-but - They're gonna kill him!

MIA\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 [sad] I know, and there's nothing we can do about it.\xa0 And we want to be out of here before they bring out the big guns.

SOUND\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 DRAGGING, SHUFFLING AWAY FROM THE FRACAS

SHERI\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 But what if he's that same one I saw before?

MIA\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 By now - you probably wouldn't know him.\xa0

MUSIC

\xa0

SCENE 18.\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 ANDY'S PLACE

DORIS\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 [squeals piteously]

BEN\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 Yep, that's a bad one.\xa0 Twisted all up like this.

ANDY\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 Can't we do anything?

BEN\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 I'm no reconstructor.\xa0 Maybe some duct tape and a stick?

DORIS \xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0[Squeals angrily]

ANDY\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 He's just trying to help, honeybuunny.

BEN\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 Yeah, chill honeybunny.

DORIS\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 [squeals again, sort, sharp, warning.]

ANDY\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 [quiet] You gotta help me, Ben - you're the only one I can turn to!

BEN\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 Jeez Andy... [sigh] \xa0You'll pay me back?

ANDY\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 You know I'm good for it!\xa0 Soon as that leg's on, we'll both hit the treads every day til we cover it.

BEN\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 [down] Sure.\xa0 I--

ANDY\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 Yes?

BEN\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 [muttered] I didn't like the way it felt anyway.\xa0 [up] Here.\xa0

SOUND\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 PACKAGE CHANGES SLOPPY HANDS

ANDY\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 What - is it?

BEN\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 Enough to get her fixed up - you might go ahead and get her a new tongue while you're at it.

ANDY\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 [very quiet] Oh.\xa0 No.\xa0 Let's not go completely overboard...

MUSIC

\xa0

SCENE 19.\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 OUTSIDE, LATER, TOGETHER

SOUND\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 OUTSIDE. SHUFFLING FEET APPROACH

MIA\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 There you are - I was beginning to worry.

SOUND\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 BODY FALLS TO THE GROUND "ben relaxes"

BEN\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 [oof, then] It's been a really... weird day.

SOUND\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 BODY FALLS TO THE GROUND "mia relaxes"

MIA\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 [oof, then agreeing] Tell me about it.

BEN\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 [muttered] I would if I could.

MIA\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 Hmm?

BEN\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 Nah.\xa0 Doris broke her leg and Andy needed help with getting her fixed up.

MIA\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 They better get her a good big leg.\xa0 She goes through so darn many.

BEN\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 Really? It's happened before?

MIA\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 Every couple of years.\xa0 I think the last time was before you showed up here.

BEN\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 I am such a sucker.

MIA\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 Whenever you start thinking like that, just look at Andy.\xa0 That'd make anyone feel superior.

BEN\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 You always know just the right thing to say.

MIA\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 Can't help it.\xa0 We're in tune.\xa0

BEN\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 Yeah, I guess we are.\xa0 About Christmas--

MIA\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 Don't worry - I love the boots!

BEN\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 Oh, the boots...

MIA\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 But only if you can afford them.\xa0 If you can't, I might be able to get them myself.\xa0 [sexy] You still get to enjoy them, though.

BEN\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 [grim] I'll get them--

MIA\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 [sorry] I was just teasing.

BEN\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 Don't worry.\xa0 [softening]\xa0 Like I said, it's been a really strange day.

MUSIC

\xa0

SCENE 20.\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 SEWER AGAIN

TICK\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 [really fast] Yeah what?

BEN\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 [slow gasp]

TICK\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 [fast] crap. [deliberately going slower, down to normal speed]\xa0 What do you want?

BEN\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 Geek said you have another job?

TICK\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 Not so much a job as a favor.

BEN\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 Need money.

TICK \xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0What happened to the packet I gave you before?\xa0 Never mind - don't want to know.\xa0 [speeding up a bit] Look.\xa0 I'm not some magic money tree.

BEN\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 Oh.

TICK\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 [slowing again]\xa0 See right now, you owe me a favor - but I can be gracious about it.\xa0 You give me what I need, and I will advance you what you need against the next job I give you.\xa0 Sound good?

BEN\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 [carefully articulating] You pay now for next job if I do favor?

TICK\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 There you go.\xa0 [quick] not so damn stupid after all.

MUSIC

\xa0

SCENE 21.\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 MIA'S APARTMENT

SOUND\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 ALARM CLOCK

SOUND \xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0KNOCKED OFF TABLE

MIA\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 [just like at beginning]\xa0 I hate Mondays.

SOUND\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 DOORBELL RINGS

MIA\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 Huh?

MIA/Z\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 coming!

SOUND\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 BAREFOOT SHUFFLE

SOUND \xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0DOORBELL RINGS AGAIN, QUICKLY AND REPEATEDLY

MIA/Z\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 Hold your damn horses!

SOUND \xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0DOORKNOB FUMBLES, DOOR IS SLAMMED OPEN.

SOUND\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 BODY FALLS

MIA/Z\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 [annoyed] hey!

SOUND\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 FEET MOVE QUICKLY INTO APARTMENT, SLAM DOOR

MIA/Z\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 [scared] Who are you--?

SOUND\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 SUPER-QUICK WHISPERED VOICES IN BACKGROUND

VOICEBOX\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 [mechanical voice]\xa0 You were at the altercation near the wall yesterday.

MIA/z\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 uhhh

VOICEBOX\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 Yes or no.\xa0 We ask yes or no questions.\xa0 Answer yes or no.

MIA/z\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 yesss.

VOICEBOX\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 Did you take part--

MIA/z\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 NO!

VOICEBOX\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 Did you see any of those who did?

MIA/z\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 [uncertain] no.

VOICEBOX\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 There was another female with you.\xa0 Did it see anything?

MIA\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 Sheri?

MIA/z\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 No.

VOICEBOX\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 Please identify this female.

MIA/z\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 No.

VOICEBOX\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 That was not a question.\xa0 Identify the female that was with you.

MIA\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 Yeah, right.

MIA/z\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 [incoherent moan]

VOICEBOX\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 Speak clearly.

MIA/z\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 Naaame isss [incoherent moan]

VOICEBOX\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 We are prepared to remove parts if you do not cooperate.\xa0

SOUND\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 STRUGGLE, KNIFE SNICKS OPEN

MIA/z\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 ohh!

MIA\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 No!\xa0 that's Ben's! [the hand they're threatening]

VOICEBOX\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 Last chance.\xa0 The name.

MIA/z\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 Naaame isss shhh-jerry\xa0

VOICEBOX\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 Jerry?

MIA/z\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 [reluctantly agreeing] Uh-huh.

VOICEBOX\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 Good.\xa0 [commanding, disgusted] Let it go.

SOUND\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 BODY FLUNG TO FLOOR

MIA/z\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 [moans unhappily]

SOUND\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 FEET MARCH CRISPLY AWAY

MUSIC

\xa0

SCENE 22.\xa0 \xa0\xa0\xa0SEWER

BEN\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 You want WHAT?

TICK\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 Not like you'll miss it.

BEN\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 I-I don't--

TICK\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 Hey, take it or leave it. \xa0You owe me, but not like I'm gonna wrestle you down and steal it from you.\xa0 I got people - and your kind - who can do that for me.

BEN\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 When you need?

TICK\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 [irritated, speeding up] What do you mean when?\xa0 You think I don't mean now? [like the crack of doom, slowly and clearly] Now!

BEN\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 Now...

TICK\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 Tick-tock.

BEN\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 [moans uncertainly, then glumly] yeah...

MUSIC

\xa0

SCENE 23.\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 OUTSIDE, ELSEWHERE

MIA/z \xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0[muffled whispered moans]

MIA \xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0Psst!

SHERI\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 Mia?\xa0 What's with the getup?

MIA \xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0Get over here!

SOUND\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 SHUFFLING

SHERI/z\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 [whiny querulous moan]

SHERI\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 What?

MIA \xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0Ok, no one can see us--

SHERI\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 You look like a clown.

MIA \xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0Shh!\xa0 Sheri, have any of the overseers [gulps] "talked" to you?

SHERI\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 In-tacts?\xa0 No!

MIA \xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0They found me.\xa0 They'll find you.\xa0 They want to know who killed that - in-tact - yesterday in the riot.

SHERI\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 Gary?\xa0 Why?

MIA \xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0No-no-no-no!\xa0 I don't WANT to know who did it!\xa0 They're asking, and they threatened to cut... off-- [sob] Th-they threatened me!\xa0

SHERI\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 [still not understanding it] Why?

MIA \xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0They want to get the one who did it, I suppose!\xa0 They'll come after you!

SHERI\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 How will they know to come for me?

MIA \xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0[evasive] Well - how did - how did they know to come for me?

SHERI\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 Oh!

MIA \xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0So now you're warned - stay away from the treadmill!

SHERI\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 [annoyed moan]

MIA\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 Well, I wanted to warn you.\xa0

SOUND\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 MIA STARTS TO WALK AWAY, STRANGELY LIMPING

SHERI\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 What's wrong?\xa0 Mia?\xa0 You're limping.

MIA\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 Nothing.\xa0 Figured if I can't make the treadmill for a while, I'd need something to live on.

SOUND\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 STUMBLING FEET APPROACH

SHERI and MIA\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 [gasping moans]

FRED\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 [gasp]\xa0 Oh, hey!\xa0 Don't tell anyone I'm here.

MIA \xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0They found you too?

FRED\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 I - I heard they're coming - how'd you know?

SHERI\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 We saw it happen.

FRED\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 Woah!\xa0 You better hide.\xa0 Least for a while.\xa0 They're taking folks again.

MUSIC

\xa0

SCENE 24.\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 MIA'S APARTMENT\xa0

BEN\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 Mia?

SOUND\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 TAPPING ON DOOR, DOOR CREAKS OPEN

BEN\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 [worried now]\xa0 Mia?

TED\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 [off, questioning moan]

BEN\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 You Ted?

TED\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 yeah [affirmative moan, voice getting clearer]

BEN\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 Where the hell's Mia?

TED\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 She took some stuff and left.\xa0 What's it to you?

SOUND\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 SHUFFLE TURN

BEN\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 I'm Ben.

TED\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 Ugh!\xa0 What the hell does she see in you?

MUSIC

\xa0

SCENE 25.\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 OUTSIDE, ELSEWHERE

MIA\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 [off a bit]\xa0 Ben?

BEN\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 [phantom of the opera cringing noise] What?

MIA\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 Ben - I'm over here.

BEN\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 Mia - don't look.

MIA\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 [almost laughing] What?

BEN\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 Please.

MIA\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 All right.\xa0 I'll close my eyes.

BEN\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 Thanks.\xa0

SOUND\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 SHUFFLING STEPS TO MIA

BEN\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 Why are you hiding?

MIA\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 I saw something - there are in-tacts maybe looking for me.\xa0 I don't know.

BEN\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 They're just full of surprises, aren't they?

MIA\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 Are they?

SOUND\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 MOMENT OF JUST PLODDING ALONG TOGETHER

BEN\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 Helluva way to spend the holidays.

MIA\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 It is Christmas, isn't it?\xa0 [beat]\xa0 Can I look now?

BEN\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 No!\xa0 [short barking laugh]\xa0 I - I know it's silly for me to be vain, but, uh - I lost something.

MIA\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 I got you something!

BEN\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 Don't turn around-- Ohhhh. [disappointed]

MIA\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 [concerned] What happened?

BEN\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 Some guy named Gary needed a new face.\xa0

MIA\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 [concerned for him] I hope you got something good for it.

BEN\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 Actually I did.\xa0 Take off your shoes.

MIA\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 [more panicked than should be] No!

BEN\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 Don't worry - I'll carry them for you.

MIA\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 No - I...\xa0 I kind of needed to make a trade too.\xa0

BEN\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 Your leg--?

MIA\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 I guess feet with toes are sort of collectable.

BEN\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 Oh.\xa0 I hope ... [chuckles]\xa0 I hope you got something good for it.

MIA\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 [laughs a bit]\xa0

SOUND\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 STICKY SOUND AS SHE STROKES HIS RAW FLESH

MIA\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 At least you kept your lips.\xa0

BEN\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 Are you kidding?\xa0 Had to keep those - they're my best feature.

MIA\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 Well, here's a new one, but I don't know how it will go on - you might have to wait until you have a place to hang it again.

SOUND\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 PACKAGE UNWRAPS, OPENS

BEN\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 It's beautiful.

MIA\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 It's latex.\xa0 It won't rot or get chewed on by rats.\xa0 I think I got the right color, but now -

BEN\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 It's a fine nose.

MIA\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 Not too big?\xa0 I mean, I never saw you with--

BEN\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 It's perfect.

MIA\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 We should get going.\xa0 If they're still after me, we'll have to ... find some place else to--

BEN\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 Waitaminute.\xa0 Now you have to open yours.

MIA\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 Oh, you--!

SOUND\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 UNWRAPPING OF PAPER

MIA\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 The patent leather!

BEN \xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0Yeah.\xa0 You know, maybe you could brace and stuff them--

MIA\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 It's just the one foot.

BEN\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 Ok, stuff the one, and still walk on it.

MIA\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 Not if we're going a long way - I don't want these puppies to get worn out on any stupid road trip.\xa0 [ecstatic intake of breath]\xa0 This is the best Christmas ever!

BEN\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 You know?\xa0 I think you're right...\xa0 Here, take my hand.

MIA\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 [teasing sweetly] That's my hand.

BEN\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 Come on.\xa0 [grunt to help her up]

MIA\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 Which way?

[their voices, along with their moaning and plodding footsteps, begin to slowly fade out]

BEN\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 A wise man once said "the sun never sets on those who ride into it".\xa0 [the quote is from the end of Shock Treatment]

MIA\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 Which wise man was that?

BEN\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 Um....

MIA\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 Are we talking like "three wise men" kind of wise man?

BEN\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 Um - no.\xa0 I think it was... Richard O'Brien.

MIA\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 Who?

BEN\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 You know, the time warp guy.

MIA\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 Oh, man - I haven't been to THAT movie in months.

CLOSER

\xa0"The Gift of the Magi" is a famous story by O. Henry where a newlywed couple (around 1900) each sell something to buy the other a present - He sells his watch to get her a fancy hair comb and she sells her long hair to get him a new watch fob.\xa0 The entire story is inspired by this.

\xa0

\xa0