BROADCASTS.com

Published: Dec. 2, 2022, 1:13 p.m.

(sorry i missed a couple of weeks - been crazy busy)

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Quail Seed

A timely tale of marketing and social networking.
[Saki was often way ahead of his time!]

Announcer - Jennifer Dixon
Mr. Scarrick - John Lingard
Jimmy - Will Watt
Lucy - Tanja Milojevic [Lightning Bolt Theater]
Boy - Reynaud LeBoeuf
Man - Anthony D.P. Mann [Horror Etc.]
Miss Fritten - Robyn Keyes
Mrs. Greyes - Jennifer Dixon
Mrs. Gordon - Judith Moore
Gloria - Beverly Poole
Other women - Julie Hoverson

Music by Kevin McLeod (Incompetech.com)
Picture by lucias_clay, found with help from Bill Jones.

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Quail Seed

Cast:

Announcer

Mr. Scarrick, shopkeeper

Jimmy, Assistant

Lucy, Jimmy's girl

Boy

Man/Beard

Miss Fritten

Mrs. Greyes

Mrs. Gordon

Miss Jones

Miss Smith

Gloria

Mrs. Lipping

\xa0

SAKI OPENING

MUSIC

SOUND \xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0SHOP DOOR, BELL, FOOTSTEPS

LUCY\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 Hello?\xa0 Helloooo?

JIMMY\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 [close]\xa0 Morning, Lucy!

LUCY\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 [startled gasp]\xa0 Jimmy! There you are.\xa0 Bit... empty in here, isn\u2019t it?

JIMMY\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 [heavy sigh] A bit.

LUCY\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 But where are all the Christmas shoppers?

JIMMY\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 Shh!\xa0 Whatever you do, don't ask that in front of Mr. Scarrick.\xa0 You'll quite set him off.\xa0

LUCY\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 Oh!

JIMMY\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 It's all right, he's out at the moment.

LUCY\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 [impressed] He left you in charge?

JIMMY\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 [heavy sigh, morose]\xa0 Only in the certainty that there won't be a stampede on our services.

LUCY\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 That bad, eh?

JIMMY\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 Quite.

SOUND\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 DOOR, BELL, FOOTSTEPS

Miss Smith\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 Hello?

SOUND\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 QUICK STEPS

JIMMY\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 Yes?\xa0 How may I assist you?

Miss Smith\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 [nervous] Oh, I was -um- just looking for a railway timetable?\xa0 I'm going up to the city-- [breaks off]

JIMMY\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 Sorry.\xa0 Clean out.\xa0 Perhaps next week.

MISS Smith\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 Ah.\xa0 Thank you.

SOUND\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 FOOTSTEPS, BELL DOOR

LUCY\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 You might have made a sale!

JIMMY\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 She just wanted to look.

LUCY\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 You don't know that.

JIMMY\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 [bitter admission] She's the fourth today.\xa0 Everyone would rather take the train to town and shop in a big department store than [quoting] bother to take advantage of the convenience--

SOUND\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 DOOR BELL

MISS Jones\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 Hello?

JIMMY\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 ...and that's five.

MUSIC

SOUND\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 PUB

SCARRICK\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 The outlook is not encouraging for us smaller businesses.

SOUND\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 POURING DRINK

SCARRICK\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 These big concerns are offering all sorts of attractions to the shopping public which we couldn't afford to imitate, even on a small scale--reading-rooms and play-rooms and gramophones and Heaven knows what.

BOY\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 [normal, commiserating] People like shiny objects.

SCARRICK\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 And they don't care to buy half a pound of sugar nowadays unless they can listen to Harry Lauder and have the latest Australian cricket scores ticked off before their eyes.

MAN\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 Seems like quite a trip for sugar.

SCARRICK\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 With the big Christmas stock we've got in we ought to keep half a dozen assistants hard at work, but as it is my nephew Jimmy and myself can pretty well attend to it ourselves.\xa0 In fact, I've left him in charge.\xa0 I've never done that before.

BOY\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 I'm sure he'll be fine.

SCARRICK\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 [drinks] It's a nice stock of goods, too.\xa0 I could run it all off in a few weeks time, but there's no chance of that--not unless the London line was to get snowed up for a fortnight before Christmas.

MAN\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 [musing] How you gonna keep them home on the farm?

MUSIC

SOUND\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 SHOP DOOR, BELL

MRS. GREYES\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 --so tedious, but there it is, and what else is one to do?

MISS FRITTEN\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 We shall simply wait for the next--\xa0

SCARRICK\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 May I help you ladies?

MRS. GREYES\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 Oh!\xa0 [evasive] Really, we just stopped in to see about --- about--

MISS FRITTEN\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 Bootlaces.\xa0

MRS. GREYES\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 Bootlaces!\xa0 Yes!\xa0 I've been in dire need of some--

SCARRICK\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 [hearty] Of course.\xa0 Over on the left wall, near the back.

MRS. GREYES\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 Of course.\xa0 [whispering]\xa0 You knew he'd try and sell us something if we came in here!\xa0 Bootlaces indeed.\xa0 I already have more laces than boots!

MISS FRITTEN\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 At least if we do make a purchase, they're small enough to carry when we go to--

MRS. GREYES\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 Shh!

SCARRICK\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 Finding everything?

MRS. GREYES\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 Oh, yes.\xa0 This is the best ... um... anchovy paste.\xa0 Just what I was looking for.

MISS FRITTEN\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 Just lovely!

SCARRICK\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 Perhaps you ladies could help me.\xa0 I was thinking of adding a little entertainment to the shop.

MRS. GREYES\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 Oh?

SCARRICK\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 I did have a sort of idea of engaging Miss Luffcombe to give recitations during afternoons; she made a great hit at the Post Office entertainment with her rendering of 'Little Beatrice's Resolve'.

MISS FRITTEN\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 [very uncertain] Oh, that would be ...just ... lovely.

SOUND\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 DOOR OPENS, BELL RINGS ODDLY

SCARRICK\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 What?

SOUND\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 ODD FOOTSTEPS ENTER

SCARRICK \xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0[excusing himself] Your pardon.

SOUND\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 SCARRICK GOES TO THE COUNTER

MRS. GREYES\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 [whispered] Perhaps we should just do our shopping here.

MISS FRITTEN\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 But I'm in my best hat!

MRS. GREYES\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 Shh! Shh!\xa0 Look at that!

MISS FRITTEN\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 What an odd looking boy.\xa0 Brown as a nut, but we've not had sun in weeks!

MRS. GREYES\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 And those clothes.\xa0 Like something out of the Arabian nights!

SOUND\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 CLANG

BOY\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 [accented now] Six pomegranates, please, and a packet of quail seed.

MISS FRITTEN\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 What's the bowl for?

MRS. GREYES\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 To carry the pomegranates?

MISS FRITTEN\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 Why not a string bag?

MRS. GREYES\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 Allergies?\xa0 Shh!

SCARRICK\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 [business as usual]\xa0\xa0 Here you are.\xa0 We have some lovely pomegranates.

MISS FRITTEN\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 He doesn't even look surprised!

MRS. GREYES\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 The boy must have been here before.

SOUND\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 COIN SKITTERING, CAUGHT

BOY\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 The wine and figs were not paid for yesterday. \xa0Keep what is over of the money for our future purchases.

SCARRICK\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 [formal and serious] As you wish.\xa0

SOUND\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 BOY LEAVES, DOOR SHUTS

SOUND\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 SKITTERING OF LADIES FEET

MISS FRITTEN\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 [to Scarrick, hinting] A very strange-looking boy?

SCARRICK\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 [final]\xa0 A foreigner, I believe.

MRS. GREYES\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 Does he shop here often?\xa0 Surely there can't be much call for ...quail seed... at this time of year.

SCARRICK\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 It takes all sorts.

SOUND\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 DOOR OPENS

SOUND\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 HEAVY OMINOUS FOOTSTEPS

MISS FRITTEN\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 [gasp]

MRS. GREYES\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 Oh!\xa0 [covering her consternation]\xa0 Oh, I forgot those bootlaces!\xa0 [hissed] Come on!

SOUND\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 THEY SKITTER AWAY

MAN\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 [accented] I wish for a pound and a half of the best coffee you have.

SCARRICK\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 [wary] Certainly sir.

MRS. GREYES\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 Look at that beard!

MISS FRITTEN\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 Like a comedy Russian.

MRS. GREYES\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 No, more like an ancient Assyrian.

MISS FRITTEN\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 Who do you think he is?

MAN\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 [suspicious] Has a dark-faced boy been here buying pomegranates?

SCARRICK\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 Can't say that I've seen anyone like that.

MRS. GREYES\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 Oh!\xa0 [muffles self]

MISS FRITTEN\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 [whispered]\xa0 How could he!

SCARRICK\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 [offhanded] We have a few pomegranates in stock, but there has been no real demand for them.

MAN\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 My servant will fetch the coffee as usual

SOUND\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 COIN SKITTERS, HEAVY FEET START TO WALK AWAY, THEN STOP

MAN\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 [very importantly] Have you, perhaps, any quail seed?

GREYES AND FRITTEN [gasp]

SCARRICK\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 [unhesitating] No.\xa0 we don't stock it.

SOUND\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 FEET WALK AWAY

MRS. GREYES\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 [whispered] What will he deny next?

MISS FRITTEN\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 And I always believed Mr. Scarrick to be such a truthful man.\xa0 Heavens! He just presided at a lecture on Savonarola.

SOUND\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 DOOR OPENS AND CLOSES

MRS. GREYES\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 Don't let's bother about the 3.12.\xa0 Let's dash, and talk this out at Laura Lipping's

MISS FRITTEN \xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0Perhaps we should buy a few things first.\xa0 Since we're here.

MUSIC

SOUND\xa0 \xa0\xa0\xa0TEA

MISS FRITTEN\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 [recounting lusciously] Turning up the deep astrakhan collar of his long coat, the stranger swept out of the shop, with the air of a Satrap proroguing a Sanhedrim.

MRS. LIPPING\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 Do Satraps prorogue?

MISS FRITTEN\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 [coldly superior] Have you ever seen one that didn't?

GLORIA\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 I don't even know what a Sanhedrim is.\xa0 Is it a dance?

MISS FRITTEN\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 It is a simile and hardly matters.\xa0 Or do I mean an allegory?

MRS. GORDON\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 And the boy?

MRS. GREYES\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 I should have though him Greek, but after seeing that beard--

MRS. LIPPING\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 They could have been unrelated.

MISS FRITTEN\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 Unrelated?\xa0 And both asking for "quail seed"?\xa0 Mark my words.\xa0 There's something afoot.

MRS. GREYES\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 What bothers me most is this unprecedented streak of falsity in our local grocer!

GLORIA\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 I've never known Mr. Scarrick to prevaricate like that before!

MRS. GREYES\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 It's the influence of that artist that took the flat above the shop.\xa0 Mark my words.\xa0 [importantly] Bohemian.

MRS. GORDON\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 [tragically] I shall never again be able to believe what he tells me about the absence of colouring matter in the jam.

MUSIC

SOUND\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 DOOR, BELL

SOUND\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 BROOM

LUCY\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 Jimmy?

JIMMY\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 Here.

LUCY\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 Goodness, it looks like a tornado touched down.

JIMMY\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 Fabulous, isn't it?

LUCY\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 But, what happened?

JIMMY\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 This afternoon, from tea onwards, we had a constant stream of shoppers.\xa0

LUCY\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 Is this something to do with the odd individuals who may or may not have been in this afternoon?

JIMMY\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 [overly innocent] Whom do you refer to?

LUCY\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 Come on!\xa0 It's all over town.\xa0 People talked about it at tea, and more people talked about it at supper.\xa0 I expect they're all talking about it over Bridge even as we speak.\xa0 The dark young man and the Beard.\xa0

JIMMY\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 Sounds a bit like a music hall act.

LUCY\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 [speculatively] Yes... yes, it does....

MUSIC

AMBIENCE\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 SHOP

[MANY CUSTOMERS]

MISS SMITH\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 Is this the freshest jar of pickles?

JIMMY\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 Miss?\xa0 I suppose so.

MISS SMITH\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 It looks a little dusty.

JIMMY\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 That would be my fault--

SCARRICK\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 [commanding] Jimmy!\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0

JIMMY\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 So sorry, must jump.

MISS FRITTEN\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 [whispered]\xa0 Do you think they will return?

MRS. GREYES\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 I have it on good authority someone's rented that house at the far end of Plummergen.

MISS FRITTEN\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 But why should they come all this way to shop?

MRS. GREYES\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 [knowing] Plummergen drapers don't stock quail seed.\xa0

MISS FRITTEN\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 [getting it] Ah!

SOUND\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 REGISTER NOISE

SCARRICK\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 That will be three shillings and four pence.

SOUND\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 COINS

MRS. LIPPING\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 I'm looking for something interesting for a savory.\xa0 Have you any--

SOUND\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 GENERAL HUSH

MRS. LIPPING\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 [nervous] --any, um--

SCARRICK\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 [as if nothing is amiss]\xa0 I have some pickled olives.\xa0 Imported from turkey.

MRS. LIPPING\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 Yes, anything.

SOUND\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 JAR SET DOWN, CASH REGISTER

SOUND\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 JABBER BEGINS AGAIN

SOUND\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 DOOR OPENS, BELL, JABBER SLOWLY DIES AWAY.

SILENCE

SOUND\xa0\xa0 \xa0\xa0BOY WALKS IN.

SOUND\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 BOWL SET DOWN.

SCARRICK\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 [normal]\xa0 What can I get for you today?

BOY\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 I require a pound of honey.

SOUND\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 BREATH BEING LET OUT ALL OVER

BOY\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 and - [quieter] and a packet of quail seed.

SOUND\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 GENERAL INTAKE OF BREATH, GIGGLE QUICKLY MUFFLED

SCARRICK\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 Very good, sir.

SOUND\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 CONVERSATIONS, FORCED LAUGHTER, BUT MUTED, LISTENING

MISS FRITTEN\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 [excited whisper] We might be living in the Arabian Nights.

MRS. GREYES\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 Hush! Listen!

SOUND\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 THINGS PLACED INTO BOWL, BOWL REMOVED, BOY STARTS TO LEAVE.

SOUND\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 QUICK FOOTSTEPS

JIMMY\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 [hurried, fraught with meaning] We have some very fine Jaffa oranges.\xa0 Around behind here.

SOUND\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 QUICK SHUFFLE OF FEET

SOUND\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 DOOR OPENS, MAN STRIDES IN.

SOUND\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 GASPS

SCARRICK\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 [unperturbed]\xa0 What may I get for you today, Sir?

MAN\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 A pound of dates and a tin of the best Smyrna halva.

MISS FRITTEN\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 Halva?\xa0 What is that?

MRS. GREYES\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 It comes from Smyrna - that's figs, isn't it, Smyrna is?

GLORIA\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 Who would want dates AND figs?

MRS. LIPPING\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 Hush.

SCARRICK\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 There you are.\xa0

MAN\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 hmm [evaluating noise]\xa0 Yes.

SOUND\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 COINS DROPPED

MAN\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 Has the dark-faced boy, of whom I spoke yesterday, been here to-day?

GLORIA\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 [stifled squeak of excitement]

SCARRICK\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 We've had rather more people than usual in the shop to-day... but I can't recall a boy such as you describe.

SOUND\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 [gasps]

MRS. GREYES\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 [satisfied] Didn't we say?

MISS FRITTEN\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 It's too too terrible.

MUSIC

TEA

MRS. GREYES\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 It is deplorable that anyone - particularly someone in a position such as Mr. Scarrick -should treat the truth as an article temporarily and excusably out of stock.

MISS FRITTEN\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 More quail seed!\xa0 Those quails must be voracious!\xa0 [realizing] \xa0or else... perhaps it isn't quail seed at all.

MRS. GREYES\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 I believe it's opium, and the bearded man is a detective.

MRS. LIPPING\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 I don't.\xa0 I'm sure it's something to do with the Portuguese Throne.

MISS FRITTEN \xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0More likely to be a Persian intrigue on behalf of the ex-Shah.\xa0 The bearded man belongs to the Government Party. The quail-seed is a countersign, of course; Persia is almost next door to Palestine, and quails come into the Old Testament, you know.

GLORIA\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 [exasperated] Only as a miracle.\xa0 [knowing] I've thought all along it was part of a love intrigue.

MRS. LIPPING\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 I distinctly saw a snarl of baffled rage as the man departed, sandwiched between that heavy moustache and upturned astrakhan collar.

GLORIA\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 I can\u2019t imagine that that boy is the guilty party here.\xa0 Much more likely he's simply perishing of love for someone - perhaps the daughter of the beard, but the match is quite unsuitable--

MISS FRITTEN\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 Honey and pomegranates - of course!!!

MUSIC

SHOP, NIGHT, QUIET

SOUND\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 DOOR, BELL

JIMMY\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 [calling from off] Closed!

LUCY\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 I know, mutton head.

JIMMY\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 Oh, Lucy!

SOUND\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 BROOM DOWN, STEPS

LUCY\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 Another busy day?

JIMMY\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 The busiest.\xa0 Another day or two of brisk trade and we'll be--[cut off with a gasp]

SOUND\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 KISS

LUCY\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 [laughing] I was here today, you know.

JIMMY\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 [uneasy] Oh?

LUCY\xa0\xa0\xa0 \xa0[indulgent] You were quite the hero.\xa0 Hustling that poor young man off behind the biscuit tins in the very nick of time.

JIMMY\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 [flustered] Well, I have a good view of the street from my post at the cheese and bacon counter.

LUCY\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 [pouty] Jimmy.\xa0 Have you EVER known me to gossip?

JIMMY\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 You, Lucy?\xa0 I don\u2019t think so.

LUCY\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 Quite a vote of confidence.

JIMMY\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 I didn\u2019t mean that-- [sigh] No.\xa0 No I've never known you to gossip.

LUCY\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 Let me in, then!\xa0 Perhaps there's something I can do to help?

MUSIC

PUB

SCARRICK\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 It was quite marvelous!\xa0 And we sold out of that blasted Halva.

MAN\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 It looked crowded, but were they actually buying?

SCARRICK \xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0They bought and bought - some came back three or four times, just to have an excuse to linger.\xa0

BOY\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 "Oh, I forgot" and "silly me, one more thing."

SCARRICK\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 exactly.\xa0 Even those women whose purchases were of modest proportions dawdled over them as though they had, uh--

MAN\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 Brutal, drunken husbands to go home to?

SCARRICK\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 [chuckles] I've even had to take on a couple of extra assistants for tomorrow.

MUSIC

STORE - BUSY

MISS FRITTEN\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 What do you think?\xa0 Is this bowl anything like the one that young gentleman carries?

MRS. GREYES\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 Nonsense.\xa0 His is brass.\xa0 Or bronze, perhaps.\xa0 That one is copper.

MISS FRITTEN\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 Still, it's got a lovely patina.

MRS GORDON\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 Ducks?

SCARRICK\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 [distracted] Pardon?

MRS GORDON\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 Ducks?\xa0 I found a lovely recipe for Bombay duck, and was wondering if a domestic duck would suffice.

SCARRICK\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 I suspect that ducks are much the same the world over-- [small gasp]

SOUND\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 DOOR OPENS, BELL

GENERAL EXPECTANT HUSH

MRS GORDON\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 oh!

SCARRICK\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 You'll excuse me.

SOUND\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 BOY'S FOOTSTEPS, SCARRICK MEETS HIM

SCARRICK\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 Sir?\xa0

BOY\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 Yes?

SCARRICK\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 [overtly confidential]\xa0 I must warn you--

SOUND\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 [gasps]

SCARRICK\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 [as if saying something else] We have run out of quail seed.

MRS GORDON\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 Oh nO!

BOY\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 [shocked and disappointed] Oh.\xa0 I should-- I must--

SOUND\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 SCUTTLING FEET

JIMMY\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 [excited]\xa0 We do have some much finer oranges today, if you want to step over here.

BOY\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 [dramatic gasp]

SOUND\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 BOY RUNS

MISS FRITTEN\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 [whispered] Watch the door!

SOUND\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 DOOR SLAMS OPEN, BELL

SOUND\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 OMINOUS FOOTSTEPS

MRS. GORDON \xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0[voice over] I found my self sub-consciously repeating "The Assyrian came down like a wolf on the fold" under my breath.

SCARRICK\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 [very tense]\xa0 Ah.\xa0 Coffee again today sir?\xa0 Perhaps figs?

MAN\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 I am looking for--

LUCY\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 [in disguise, foreign sounding]\xa0 Jaffa oranges, I think.

MAN\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 What?

MRS GREYES\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 [voiceover] She slithered out of the aisle like the lady in the lake.

LUCY\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 Your Excellency does his shopping himself?

MAN\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 [suspicious] I order the things myself.\xa0 I find it difficult to make my servants understand.

MISS FRITTEN\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 [voiceover]\xa0 How ever did we miss a mysterious veiled lady, right in the midst of us all?

LUCY\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 I was saying... They have some excellent Jaffa oranges here.\xa0 [tinkling laugh]

SOUND\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 HER FEET TAP AWAY TO THE DOOR, BELL

MAN\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 [considering] Hmph.\xa0

MRS. GORDON\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 [gasp]

MAN\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 You!

SCARRICK\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 [tense] Yes?

MAN\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 You have, perhaps, some good Jaffa oranges?

GLORIA\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 [voiceover] Everyone expected an instant denial on the part of Mr. Scarrick of any such possession, but before he could answer\u2011\u2011

BOY\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 No!

SOUND\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 RUNNING FEET, DOOR, BELL

MISS FRITTEN\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 [voiceover] Holding his empty brass bowl before him he dashed into the street. His face was masked with studied indifference

SOUND\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 THE VOICEOVERS START TO FADE INTO TEA

MRS GREYES\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 Overspread with ghastly pallor!

MRS. LIPPING\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 I would call it blazing with defiance.

GLORIA\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 How defiant could he be!\xa0 He was so terrified his teeth chattered!

MRS. GORDON\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 I distinctly heard him whistling the Persian National Hymn.

MISS FRITTEN\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 But the bearded man - his face was a mask of abject terror!

MRS GREYES\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 I thought he would dash out after the boy, but he just paced to and fro like a caged animal - seeking an outlet for escape.

GLORIA\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 He couldn't take his eyes off the door.

MRS GORDON\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 Did he ever come back for his purchases?\xa0 Or send his servant?

MISS FRITTEN\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 I've not had the nerve to ask Mr. Scarrick.\xa0 The whole thing was so ...\xa0 overwhelming.

MUSIC

LUCY\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 It was so overwhelming.\xa0 Trying not to laugh while watching all their faces.

JIMMY\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 You did a fabulous job.

LUCY\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 You like me in a veil?

JIMMY\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 I can think of a veil I'd like to see you in.

LUCY\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 [interested, pleased] Really?

JIMMY\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 Mm-hmm\xa0 [yes]

SOUND\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 KISS

MUSIC

PUB

SCARRICK\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 I can never thank you fellows enough.

MAN\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 We enjoyed the fun of it.\xa0 [laughs, then\xa0 talks like beard]\xa0 And the figs.

BOY\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 It was a welcome vacation from posing for hours for 'The Lost Hylas'

MAN\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 You just have to sit still.\xa0 I'm the one who has to make you look good.

SCARRICK\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 What do I owe you?

MAN\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 No, no.\xa0 It was far too entertaining.\xa0

BOY\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 We did get all those lovely pomegranates.

SCARRICK\xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0 At any rate... I insist on paying for the hire of the black beard.

END