BROADCASTS.com

Published: May 26, 2022, 7:09 p.m.

Set in the same world as B&B Investigations, but some 30 years later.\xa0

So while Paul & Donna are Sam Spade, Gretal & Hansel are Starsky and Hutch.

CAN YOU DIG IT?

******************************************

Cast List
Rebekah Gretal - Risa Torres
Vic Hansel - Reynaud LeBoeuf
B.O. Wulf - Lothar Tuppan
Capt. Meisterburger - Glen Hallstrom
Ginger - Gwendolyn Jensen-Woodard
Fleet - Chris Stockett
Shallott - Bryan Hendricksen
Juniper - Chris Stockett
Rumplestiltskin - Philomen Vanderbeck
Dr. Fell - Colin McRoberts
Goose Gander - Mark Olson
TV News \xa0- Suzanne Dunn
Senator Rapunzel - Julie Hoverson
Mysterious Voice - Mark Olson
Woodcutter - Justin
Cop 1 - Graciespoppy\xa0
Cop 2 - Colin McRoberts
Trainer - Graciespoppy
Maitre d' - Philemon Vanderbeck
Bartender - James Keeley
Woman1 - Sara Falconer
Woman2 - Angela Kirby
Stumpy - Brody Walker
Additional gingerbread men - Cary Ayers, Leonard Keeler, Danar Hoverson

Music by\xa0\xa0Footage Firm, Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com)
Editing and Sound:\xa0\xa0 Julie Hoverson
Cover Design:\xa0 Brett Coulstock

"What kind of a place is it?
Why it's an alley, can't you tell?"

*********************************

Hot Ginger Bread

Cast:

[Opening credits - Olivia]

Woodcutter, the stoolie

Cop1 and cop2

Rebekah Gretal, tough old-school cop

Vic Hansel, new-age hippie cop with no fear

Goose Gander, affirmative action detective

B.O. Wulf, other tough cop

Captain Meisterburger - chief of detectives

Ginger, nearsighted witch running the cartel

Fleet, Ginger's head man

Senator Rapunzel

Mysterious stranger

Shallott, internal affairs

TV News

Trainer

Other gingerbread men

Maitre d'

Bartender (frog)

Woman1

Woman2

Juniper
Fell

Rumplestiltskin

\xa0

ADD COMMERCIAL BREAKS?

OLIVIA \xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0Did you have any trouble finding it?\xa0 What do you mean, what kind of a place is it?\xa0 Why, it's a back alley in a vaguely familiar city - but an unfamiliar time, can't you tell?\xa0

1_OPENING TAG

MUSIC - FUNK!!!!!

SOUND \xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0RUNNING FEET, ECHOING IN AN ALLEYWAY, DISTANT TRAFFIC.\xa0 POLICE WHISTLES

COP1\xa0\xa0\xa0 [distant] Stop!\xa0 Police!

WOODCUTTER\xa0\xa0\xa0 Nuh-uh!\xa0

SOUND\xa0\xa0\xa0 GATE CLANG OPEN, FEET RUN THROUGH

WOODCUTTER\xa0\xa0\xa0 [triumphant] Oh yeah!

SOUND\xa0\xa0\xa0 FEET SLOW, STOP TO LISTEN

WOODCUTTER\xa0\xa0\xa0 [gasping but laughing] Lame-ass fuzz.

SOUND\xa0\xa0\xa0 GUN COCKS

COP2\xa0\xa0\xa0 [snide] What was that?

WOODCUTTER\xa0\xa0\xa0 Oh...\xa0 uh...\xa0 [weaselly] I have the right to remain silent?

2_GRETAL

MUSIC\xa0\xa0\xa0 SCENE WIPE [gym]

SOUND\xa0\xa0\xa0 PUNCHING BAG

WULF\xa0\xa0\xa0 Hey Ree, dontcha think that saddle-slap is about to shed some eye-dew?

GRETAL\xa0\xa0\xa0 [exerting] Nah, Wulf.\xa0 Momma always said you gotta keep hitting til it squeals uncle.

WULF\xa0\xa0\xa0 [shrugs] Stranger things have come to pass.

GRETAL\xa0\xa0\xa0 'sides, big heavy meeting coming up with the Cap.\xa0 Needed to cool down a bit first.

SOUND\xa0\xa0\xa0 PUNCHING STOPS

GRETAL\xa0\xa0\xa0 Hear you gotta new partner.\xa0 What happened to Canute?\xa0 You guys were joined at the badge.\xa0

WULF\xa0\xa0\xa0 [grumpy] New inefficiency program.\xa0 Ya get too good, ya get cleaved in twain like a bronze war helmet.\xa0 Plus they needed someone who can stand a pattycake in the car.

GRETAL\xa0\xa0\xa0 Oh yeah, I heard one of 'em got his shield.\xa0 [a bit disgusted] Welcome to the future.

WULF\xa0\xa0\xa0 [dismissive] If this is the future, I'll take Valhalla. \xa0You cooled yet?

GRETAL\xa0\xa0\xa0 Nah, a few more--

TRAINER\xa0\xa0\xa0 [from across the room] Anyone here seen Gretal?

GRETAL\xa0\xa0\xa0 [heavy sigh] Guess I'm done.

WULF\xa0\xa0\xa0 Good luck.\xa0 And remember - they only have one pattycake to assign, so it can't be a kettlefull of snakes.

GRETAL\xa0\xa0\xa0 Words to live by.

3_HANSEL

MUSIC\xa0\xa0\xa0 SCENE WIPE [CAPTAIN'S OFFICE]

CAPTAIN\xa0\xa0\xa0 [to someone in the room] I'll be just a minute.\xa0 [back to phone]\xa0 I specifically said 3:00 and it's now--

SOUND\xa0\xa0\xa0 RAP ON THE DOOR

CAPTAIN\xa0\xa0\xa0 Never mind.\xa0

SOUND\xa0\xa0\xa0 HANGS UP PHONE

CAPTAIN\xa0\xa0\xa0 [grumpy]\xa0 Get in here, Gretal!

SOUND\xa0\xa0\xa0 DOOR OPENS, FEET ENTER

CAPTAIN\xa0\xa0\xa0 Shut the door.

SOUND\xa0\xa0\xa0 DOOR SHUTS FIRMLY

GRETAL\xa0\xa0\xa0 What did I do this time?\xa0 If it's that weasel we pulled out of toad hall, he fell down the stairs.\xa0 They all did.\xa0 Ask anyone.

CAPTAIN\xa0\xa0\xa0 No, it's --

GRETAL\xa0\xa0\xa0 Oh, I got it.\xa0 The fish is talking again?\xa0

CAPTAIN\xa0\xa0\xa0 NO!\xa0 Sit down and listen!

GRETAL\xa0\xa0\xa0 Right.

SOUND\xa0\xa0\xa0 CHAIR

CAPTAIN\xa0\xa0\xa0 [suspicious] What was this about a fish?

GRETAL\xa0\xa0\xa0 [too quick] Nothing.

CAPTAIN\xa0\xa0\xa0 Then never mind... for the moment.\xa0 I've got bigger ... uh... things to fry.\xa0 You know they been shaking things up since the corruption stings hit - changing up the partners in the detective posts?

GRETAL\xa0\xa0\xa0 Doesn't bother me, I don't have a partner.

CAPTAIN\xa0\xa0\xa0 Not yet.

GRETAL\xa0\xa0\xa0 I work better on my - what?

CAPTAIN\xa0\xa0\xa0 New directive, straight from the Keep.\xa0 Everyone works with a partner, no ifs, ands, or buts about it.\xa0

GRETAL\xa0\xa0\xa0 You know no one can keep up with me!\xa0 I have the highest manacle rating in homicide!\xa0 Just last week I stopped that vigilante goat and took down the troll that ate his family.\xa0

CAPTAIN\xa0\xa0\xa0 Your record does speak for itself.\xa0

GRETAL\xa0\xa0\xa0 Frankly, the goat was tougher.

CAPTAIN\xa0\xa0\xa0 But with the recent corruption issues--

GRETAL\xa0\xa0\xa0 [horrified] Captain!\xa0 You can't think I'm dirty!\xa0 I even play fair with pattycakes.

CAPTAIN\xa0\xa0\xa0 Fair, yes.\xa0 But it's this lone wolf mentality that's got people up in arms.\xa0 Too many cops without adequate oversight.

GRETAL\xa0\xa0\xa0 Oversight?\xa0 I'll show you oversight!

CAPTAIN\xa0\xa0\xa0 And no, I don't think for a moment that you're a dirty cop.

GRETAL\xa0\xa0\xa0 Damn straight!

CAPTAIN\xa0\xa0\xa0 Just a rude one who won't shut up and listen to her damn boss.

GRETAL\xa0\xa0\xa0 I--!\xa0 [beat]\xa0 Fine.

CAPTAIN\xa0\xa0\xa0 Good.\xa0 Now you better listen, cause sure as bad things come in threes, there's someone above us just waiting for a chance to come down on us like a sledgehammer--

GRETAL\xa0\xa0\xa0 Thor?

CAPTAIN\xa0\xa0\xa0 [ignoring her] --and take this entire department apart, brick by brick.\xa0 So while the big eye is on us, we have to play nice.\xa0 Which means you do as you're told.

GRETAL\xa0\xa0\xa0 How long?

CAPTAIN\xa0\xa0\xa0 Til "they're" done.\xa0 Whenever that may be.

GRETAL\xa0\xa0\xa0 [wheedling] Why can't you partner me up with Wulf?\xa0 At least we see eye-to-eye on--

CAPTAIN\xa0\xa0\xa0 "Necessary force"?\xa0 Yeah, that's exactly why he's partnered up with Gander and you get our newest transfer from "CAP".

GRETAL\xa0\xa0\xa0 Crimes against Pattycakes?\xa0 Seriously?\xa0 [disgusted] Am I gonna have to speak in rhyme?

VIC\xa0\xa0\xa0 [gentle cough] Don't worry.\xa0 I just work with them. [bitter] I'm as normal as anyone.

GRETAL\xa0\xa0\xa0 [whirling, annoyed] What the--?\xa0 [to captain] You never said--!

CAPTAIN\xa0\xa0\xa0 And you never gave me a chance.\xa0 Rebekah Gretal, meet Vic Hansel.

VIC\xa0\xa0\xa0 It's a... pleasure.

GRETAL\xa0\xa0\xa0 [ignoring him] You're not transferring me?\xa0 Please tell me we're not--

CAPTAIN\xa0\xa0\xa0 You're not going to be CAP, no.

GRETAL\xa0\xa0\xa0 [to Vic] Hah.\xa0 Looks like you traded up.

CAPTAIN\xa0\xa0\xa0 You're both going to be part of a special task force, working in parallel with vice.

GRETAL\xa0\xa0\xa0 Oh, hell no.

4_WITCH

MUSIC WIPE \xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0[WITCH'S OFFICE, SULTRY MUSIC]

SOUND\xa0\xa0\xa0 PHONE RINGS, PICKED UP

GINGER\xa0\xa0\xa0 Yes?

STRANGER\xa0\xa0\xa0 [disguised mechanized voice]\xa0 Woodcutter is turning woodlark.

GINGER\xa0\xa0\xa0 The hell you say.

STRANGER\xa0\xa0\xa0 The guard has him under wraps.\xa0 Not even booked yet.\xa0

GINGER\xa0\xa0\xa0 Narco?

STRANGER\xa0\xa0\xa0 No.\xa0 They have not been informed.

GINGER\xa0\xa0\xa0 How did you find all this out?

STRANGER\xa0\xa0\xa0 A Little pixie told me.\xa0 Good enough for you to drop a gold ball in the well for me?

GINGER\xa0\xa0\xa0 Very good.\xa0 You'll have it by the end of the week.

SOUND \xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0HANGS UP, CLICK INTERCOM

FLEET\xa0\xa0\xa0 [deep voice] Yeah, boss?

GINGER\xa0\xa0\xa0 Fire up the ovens, Fleet.\xa0 Looks like I'm gonna need a few more good men.

5_BAR

MUSIC\xa0\xa0\xa0 CUT TO BAR

T.V. NEWS\xa0\xa0\xa0 In the overwhelming wake of the Aarne Thompson expos\xe9s on corruption in the guard, shakeups have been felt throughout the land.\xa0

WULF\xa0\xa0\xa0 Turn it off.

GRETAL\xa0\xa0\xa0 Nah, leave it.\xa0 Better to hear what's coming, than get blindsided like I just did.

T.V. NEWS\xa0\xa0\xa0 Commissioner Oftheguard set the date for his official resignation ceremony.

WULF\xa0\xa0\xa0 That sucks.

GRETAL\xa0\xa0\xa0 [very upset growl] The Guard was his damn life.\xa0 They shouldn't take this crap out on him.

WULF\xa0\xa0\xa0 He was planning to retire anyway, wasn't he?

GRETAL\xa0\xa0\xa0 Yeah, but in a hail of glory, not a... rain of frogs.

BARTENDER\xa0\xa0\xa0 [croaky] Watchoo got against frogs?

GRETAL\xa0\xa0\xa0 [dismissive noise]

T.V. NEWS\xa0\xa0\xa0 The hotly-contested interim Commissioner position will be designated by the end of the week, and will hold office until the elections in two months.

VIC\xa0\xa0\xa0 A lot could happen in two months.

GRETAL\xa0\xa0\xa0 [completely startled] Oh crap!\xa0 Where the gilliken did you come from?

VIC\xa0\xa0\xa0 I've been here for a while.\xa0 [to B.O.] Hi!

WULF\xa0\xa0\xa0 Uh, hi.

VIC\xa0\xa0\xa0 Introduce us?

GRETAL\xa0\xa0\xa0 Wulf, this is my new partner Vic Hansel.\xa0 Hansel, this is Brynulf Odegaard Wulf.\xa0 We just call him B.O.

VIC\xa0\xa0\xa0 Gotcha.

T.V. NEWS\xa0\xa0\xa0 Senator Rapunzel had this to say on the eve of the corruption hearings...

WULF\xa0\xa0\xa0 [annoyed] You want me to invite my partner too?\xa0 We could play a hand of poker.\xa0 Start a bowling league?

T.V. RAPUNZEL\xa0\xa0\xa0 [old woman]\xa0 I have never been ashamed of my stand on justice.\xa0

GRETAL\xa0\xa0\xa0 [resigned sigh]\xa0 No.

VIC\xa0\xa0\xa0 Sorry.\xa0 Didn't realize I was intruding.\xa0 But we -um- just got a call.

T.V. RAPUNZEL\xa0\xa0\xa0 [old woman]\xa0 I did my time in the district attorney's office, doing what good I could.

GRETAL\xa0\xa0\xa0 [to bartender] One more!

BARTENDER\xa0\xa0\xa0 [croaky] Coming right up.

SOUND\xa0\xa0\xa0 SPLASH

VIC\xa0\xa0\xa0 Should you--?

GRETAL\xa0\xa0\xa0 Definitely.

T.V. RAPUNZEL\xa0\xa0\xa0 [old woman]\xa0 And now in my fourth term in the grand high senate to have my own home land turned topsy-turvy like a rolling hedgehog.\xa0 Now I am ashamed.\xa0 Ashamed I moved up to the senate, to the castle, and never saw what was happening in the streets so far below my very own tower window.

6_ASSIGNMENT

SOUND\xa0\xa0\xa0 RESTAURANT

MAITRE D'\xa0\xa0\xa0 [french and very sneery] Two?\xa0 You?

VIC\xa0\xa0\xa0 Inspectors.\xa0 Checking fire escapes.\xa0 Just passing through.

MAITRE D' \xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0Oui oui.\xa0 I see.\xa0

SOUND\xa0\xa0\xa0 THEY WALK, NOISE FADES A BIT IN HALLWAY

GRETAL\xa0\xa0\xa0 [suspicious] Meisterburger sent us here?

VIC\xa0\xa0\xa0 Captain Meisterburger said we were to meet a contact in--

SOUND\xa0\xa0\xa0 DOOR OPENS TWO WOMEN COME OUT AND WALK PAST

WOMAN1\xa0\xa0\xa0 So I said to him - oh yeah?\xa0 You want me soooo bad, dad, you can get me a fur coat with snippets from every animal in the entire world!

WOMAN2\xa0\xa0\xa0 You didn't!

SOUND\xa0\xa0\xa0 WOMEN ARE GONE

GRETAL\xa0\xa0\xa0 Tell me this is a joke so I don't gotta punch you.

MIRROR\xa0\xa0\xa0 [muffled, from inside a room] It's not a joke.

GRETAL\xa0\xa0\xa0 The ladies room?\xa0 We're meeting a contact in the ladies room?\xa0 AND it sounds like a guy.

VIC\xa0\xa0\xa0 Check and see if there's anyone else in there.

SOUND\xa0\xa0\xa0 DOOR OPENS

MIRROR\xa0\xa0\xa0 If there was anyone else in here, I would hardly be talking to you, would I?

GRETAL\xa0\xa0\xa0 Holy crap.\xa0 Get in here Vic.\xa0

SOUND\xa0\xa0\xa0 FEET ENTER

SOUND\xa0\xa0\xa0 DOOR SHUTS

GRETAL\xa0\xa0\xa0 This is Shallott of Internal Affairs.

MIRROR\xa0\xa0\xa0 Oh?\xa0 Have we met before?

GRETAL\xa0\xa0\xa0 Lock it.

SOUND\xa0\xa0\xa0 LATCH CLICKS

GRETAL\xa0\xa0\xa0 I try to keep up with whoever might be snooping on me.

MIRROR\xa0\xa0\xa0 Whomever.

GRETAL\xa0\xa0\xa0 WHATever.\xa0 And you wonder why I don't much go in for makeup.

VIC\xa0\xa0\xa0 So ... are you in the mirror, or are you the mirror?

MIRROR\xa0\xa0\xa0 Potayto - potahto.\xa0 For all that we clearly aren't going to like one another, Gretal, I've never caught a smidge of dirt on you.\xa0 And I know your uncle, who vouches for you.

VIC\xa0\xa0\xa0 Who?

GRETAL\xa0\xa0\xa0 [vehement] SHHH!

MIRROR\xa0\xa0\xa0 And Hansel there is so uptight he squeaks.\xa0

VIC\xa0\xa0\xa0 I--

MIRROR\xa0\xa0\xa0 You two are just about the cleanest detectives we got.

GRETAL\xa0\xa0\xa0 [half pleased, half disgusted] Really?

VIC\xa0\xa0\xa0 Jumping Cow!

MIRROR\xa0\xa0\xa0 And that's why this can't go through regular channels.\xa0

GRETAL\xa0\xa0\xa0 B-but... Captain Meisterburger?

MIRROR\xa0\xa0\xa0 This is not a gossip session.\xa0 This is a briefing.\xa0 Good.\xa0 A couple of helmets out of the dickory dock district caught a petty thief - one of the Woodcutter boys - two nights ago.\xa0

GRETAL\xa0\xa0\xa0 Figures.\xa0 [knowing] Them woodcutters.

MIRROR\xa0\xa0\xa0 He made a deal, and somehow lucked into talking to just the right person.\xa0 We managed to make him disappear and have kept him on ice.\xa0 We know there are still leaks - BIG leaks - in vice, so we can't turn him over to them, even though he claims he's willing to take someone to [importantly] the Gingerbread house.

MOMENT OF SILENCE

VIC\xa0\xa0\xa0 Gingerbread house?

GRETAL\xa0\xa0\xa0 no offence, but where do you come into it?

VIC\xa0\xa0\xa0 Ginger bread house?

MIRROR\xa0\xa0\xa0 We want you to follow along, make sure he's not just selling us a dead cowhide in a sack, and report back.\xa0 Nothing more - except you don't talk to ANYONE but me.\xa0 Not the Captain, not your best friend.

VIC\xa0\xa0\xa0 [louder] Gingerbread house?

MIRROR\xa0\xa0\xa0 [sneering slightly] I forget, you haven't had to deal with REAL crimes yet.\xa0

VIC\xa0\xa0\xa0 [annoyed] I have so--!

MIRROR\xa0\xa0\xa0 Gingerbread is the hottest drug on the market, and whoever is distributing it--

GRETAL\xa0\xa0\xa0 [smug] whomever.

MIRROR\xa0\xa0\xa0 This new cartel is making money faster than Midas.\xa0 They're selling cheap, now, but soon as they have half the city hooked they'll jack-be-nimble the prices, and we're all going to drown in a tidal wave of crime, without even a pea green boat to paddle.

VIC\xa0\xa0\xa0 And the house?

MIRROR\xa0\xa0\xa0 Rumor has it there's a central refining and distribution plant, where all the baking happens.\xa0 We need to find it.\xa0 If we can call out all the kings horses and all the kings men quickly enough, there won't be time for any dormice in the department - any department - to give the high sign before we take it down.

GRETAL\xa0\xa0\xa0 Hmph.\xa0 And here I thought this was gonna be a shit job.

MUSIC

7_BONFIRE

AMB\xa0\xa0\xa0 IN CAR

GRETAL\xa0\xa0\xa0 You CAN tell me where we're going.

SOUND\xa0\xa0\xa0 RUSTLE OF MAP

VIC\xa0\xa0\xa0 [distracted]\xa0 No, that's ok.\xa0 Turn left.

GRETAL\xa0\xa0\xa0 That wasn't a hint, it was a demand.

VIC\xa0\xa0\xa0 Huh?

SOUND\xa0\xa0\xa0 CAR BRAKES TO A SUDDEN STOP

GRETAL\xa0\xa0\xa0 My car.\xa0 My rules.\xa0 Where are we meeting this troll?

VIC\xa0\xa0\xa0 He's a woodcutter, not a troll.

GRETAL\xa0\xa0\xa0 [warning] AND...?

VIC\xa0\xa0\xa0 He's being kept in a safe house.

SOUND\xa0\xa0\xa0 CAR STARTS AGAIN

GRETAL\xa0\xa0\xa0 Hah.\xa0 You mean a dive motel near the Shoe.

VIC\xa0\xa0\xa0 How did you know?

GRETAL\xa0\xa0\xa0 Educated guess.\xa0 I've worked protection a few times.

SOUND\xa0\xa0\xa0 A BIT OF SILENCE, A FIRE TRUCK ZOOMS PAST

VIC\xa0\xa0\xa0 [hesitant] You sounded like you knew... of... the Woodcutters?

GRETAL\xa0\xa0\xa0 Bad lot.\xa0 Ain't a single one of them any good in three generations.\xa0 Fell in with a bad crowd and never fell out again.

SOUND\xa0\xa0\xa0 CAR SLOWS, APPROACHES FIRE TRUCK, BIG FIRE

GRETAL\xa0\xa0\xa0 Let me guess.\xa0 That's the place?

SOUND\xa0\xa0\xa0 RUSTLE OF MAP

VIC\xa0\xa0\xa0 Uhhh... [down] yeah.

8_ELUSIVE

MUSIC

AMB\xa0\xa0\xa0 OUTSIDE, OBSERVING THE FIRE FROM A DISTANCE

GRETAL\xa0\xa0\xa0 Humph.\xa0 They got the fire under control before it took out the shoe.\xa0 Big money always survives.

VIC\xa0\xa0\xa0 Three bodies, but no way to know which unit they were pulled out of.

GRETAL\xa0\xa0\xa0 Come on.\xa0 If "our friend" didn't end up burnt to cinders, he's probably long gone.

VIC\xa0\xa0\xa0 I'm not so sure.\xa0 Let's walk a perimeter.

SOUND\xa0\xa0\xa0 THEY START WALKING

GRETAL\xa0\xa0\xa0 A Perimeter?\xa0 Fancy talk.\xa0 Bet you didn't learn that from anyone in Iambic Pentameter.

VIC\xa0\xa0\xa0 I did have a life before C-A-P.\xa0 And Pattycakes are simple.\xa0 Most don't lie at all, and if they do, they don't do it well.\xa0

GRETAL\xa0\xa0\xa0 It's those big round faces.\xa0 Wide innocent eyes.\xa0 Not much to hide behind.

VIC\xa0\xa0\xa0 That, and they just don't see the point.\xa0 Simple doesn\u2019t mean stupid.\xa0

SOUND\xa0\xa0\xa0 SOMETHING CLATTERS

GRETAL\xa0\xa0\xa0 [hushed rushed] Hold on.\xa0 Something up ahead.

SOUND\xa0\xa0\xa0 GUN DRAWN

SOUND\xa0\xa0\xa0 SHE WALKS SLOWLY

SOUND\xa0\xa0\xa0 VIC DRAWS MORE SLOWLY

SOUND\xa0\xa0\xa0 SUDDEN FLURRY OF MOTION - CLATTER OF METAL - RUNNING FEET AWAY.

GRETAL\xa0\xa0\xa0 Come on!

SOUND\xa0\xa0\xa0 RUNNING!

SOUND\xa0\xa0\xa0 CHAIN LINK FENCE, CLIMB

GRETAL\xa0\xa0\xa0 Damn damn damn!

SOUND\xa0\xa0\xa0 HITS FENCE

SOUND\xa0\xa0\xa0 VIC RUNS UP

VIC\xa0\xa0\xa0 Come on, he's not too far--

GRETAL\xa0\xa0\xa0 No.

VIC\xa0\xa0\xa0 But we can get him!

GRETAL\xa0\xa0\xa0 That's a no go zone.\xa0\xa0 See the sign?

VIC\xa0\xa0\xa0 Rampion Limited?

GRETAL\xa0\xa0\xa0 Yeah.\xa0 Very private property.\xa0 Dammit!

SOUND\xa0\xa0\xa0 HITS FENCE

SOUND\xa0\xa0\xa0 DOG STARTS BARKING

SOUND\xa0\xa0\xa0 ALARM GOES OFF

GRETAL\xa0\xa0\xa0 [sarcastic and bitter]\xa0 Yeah.\xa0 That's put a shoe in the loaf.

9_HOME AGAIN

SOUND\xa0\xa0\xa0 OFFICE

SOUND\xa0\xa0\xa0 HAND SLAMS DOWN

CAPTAIN\xa0\xa0\xa0 What have you got to say for yourselves?

GRETAL\xa0\xa0\xa0 [stony] Saw someone go over the fence - we were trying to stop a break-in.

CAPTAIN\xa0\xa0\xa0 Why were you even in that part of town?\xa0

VIC\xa0\xa0\xa0 [very smooth] Anonymous tip.\xa0 Said a firebug was going to hit - and when the motel went up, we thought we might be of some use.

GRETAL\xa0\xa0\xa0 [a little surprised and appreciative] Yeaah.

CAPTAIN\xa0\xa0\xa0 [starting low and building to a loud growl]\xa0 If there is one thing I can NOT stand, it's when my officers think they're smarter than I am!

GRETAL\xa0\xa0\xa0 [quiet, but getting it] Oh hell.\xa0 [up, belligerent]\xa0 Captain, I don't think I'm smarter than you.\xa0 Just tougher and more in tune with the street.

VIC\xa0\xa0\xa0 Wait!\xa0 Wait!\xa0 We can work this out!

CAPTAIN\xa0\xa0\xa0 [angry low rumble] The hell you say?

GRETAL\xa0\xa0\xa0 [nearly yelling] The Pied Piper could stroll back into town playing a mazurka and it would take you and three blind mice to find him!

VIC\xa0\xa0\xa0 Let's talk calmly about this--

CAPTAIN\xa0\xa0\xa0 [to vic] SHUT UP!

GRETAL\xa0\xa0\xa0 [to vic] SHUT UP!

CAPTAIN\xa0\xa0\xa0 Give me your gun and shield.\xa0 You're suspended.

GRETAL\xa0\xa0\xa0 Fine.\xa0

SOUND\xa0\xa0\xa0 RUSTLE, CLANK.

VIC\xa0\xa0\xa0 Wait - I -

SOUND\xa0\xa0\xa0 GRETAL STORMS OUT

VIC\xa0\xa0\xa0 What ...just happened?

CAPTAIN\xa0\xa0\xa0 Ask your damn partner.

MUSIC

A1_CAUSE OF DEATH

AMB\xa0\xa0\xa0 HALLWAY

SOUND\xa0\xa0\xa0 ELEVATOR PINGS, SLIDES CLOSED

VIC\xa0\xa0\xa0 Hold it!

SOUND \xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0RUNNING FEET, DOOR STOPPED

GRETAL\xa0\xa0\xa0 What?

SOUND\xa0\xa0\xa0 VIC GETS IN, HITS BUTTON, DOOR SHUTS

VIC\xa0\xa0\xa0 What was all that?

GRETAL\xa0\xa0\xa0 hah.\xa0 He started it.

VIC\xa0\xa0\xa0 [concerned] So... what will you do now?

GRETAL\xa0\xa0\xa0 Hmm?\xa0 Oh, go to the morgue.

VIC\xa0\xa0\xa0 Uh.... why?

GRETAL\xa0\xa0\xa0 See Juniper.\xa0 Find out what happened at the fire.

VIC\xa0\xa0\xa0 But... you're suspended.

GRETAL\xa0\xa0\xa0 [shrug] We only need your badge to get around.

MUSIC

AMB\xa0\xa0\xa0 GINGER'S OFFICE

SOUND\xa0\xa0\xa0 DOOR OPENS

GINGER\xa0\xa0\xa0 Ah, Fleet.\xa0 How comes the army?

FLEET\xa0\xa0\xa0 Fifteen more, [clears throat] though one stuck and ... and lost part of an arm.

GINGER\xa0\xa0\xa0 [furious] Who's responsible?

FLEET\xa0\xa0\xa0 [cowering] It was an accident! \xa0Um, uh - not enough butter!

GINGER\xa0\xa0\xa0 [vicious, but calming] See that it doesn't happen again.\xa0

FLEET\xa0\xa0\xa0 Yes Ma'am.

GINGER\xa0\xa0\xa0 Are they all ready to run?

FLEET\xa0\xa0\xa0 [important] It's what we're made for.

MUSIC

AMB\xa0\xa0\xa0 MORGUE

SOUND\xa0\xa0\xa0 DOOR OPENS

JUNIPER\xa0\xa0\xa0 [squawky voice]\xa0 Stay out!

GRETAL\xa0\xa0\xa0 Is that any way to talk to detectives?

JUNIPER\xa0\xa0\xa0 Oh, it's you.\xa0 Fine.\xa0 But I'm in the middle of a post mortem.

GRETAL\xa0\xa0\xa0 Aw, crap...

VIC\xa0\xa0\xa0 Interesting.\xa0 Do we get to see a body?

GRETAL\xa0\xa0\xa0 Hell no.

SOUND\xa0\xa0\xa0 DOOR OPENS, SOMETHING BEING WHEELED OUT.

GRETAL\xa0\xa0\xa0 Hey Juney.\xa0 We're here about the dead Woodcutter.

JUNIPER\xa0\xa0\xa0 Why am I not surprised?

VIC\xa0\xa0\xa0 Can we see the body?

GRETAL\xa0\xa0\xa0 [aside] Shut up.\xa0 [to Juney]\xa0 What can you tell us about how he got dead?

JUNIPER\xa0\xa0\xa0 Aren't you suspended?

GRETAL\xa0\xa0\xa0 Yesss... Show him your badge, Hansel.

JUNIPER\xa0\xa0\xa0 Aawk.\xa0 I know you're good for it.\xa0 How's your uncle doing?

GRETAL\xa0\xa0\xa0 [forced joviality] Hey Vic, maybe you can take a look at the vic's - uh, victim's - belongings.

JUNIPER\xa0\xa0\xa0 Dr. Fell will take you through.

FELL\xa0\xa0\xa0 [grumpy humph] Come on.\xa0 Moron.

SOUND\xa0\xa0\xa0 FEET, DOOR SHUTS

GRETAL\xa0\xa0\xa0 Pattycakes?\xa0 Even here?

JUNIPER\xa0\xa0\xa0 Where else will they get to practice?\xa0 Dead folks are notoriously unbiased.\xa0 Now.\xa0 How is your uncle?

GRETAL\xa0\xa0\xa0 Taking it hard, I guess.\xa0 Haven't really had a chance to check in.\xa0

JUNIPER\xa0\xa0\xa0 [squawk of sympathy]\xa0

GRETAL\xa0\xa0\xa0 [shaking it off] So?\xa0 Woodcutter?

JUNIPER\xa0\xa0\xa0 Didn't die in the fire.\xa0 The other bodies found with him had inhaled smoke - not him.\xa0

GRETAL\xa0\xa0\xa0 Someone killed him and set it to hide their tracks?

JUNIPER\xa0\xa0\xa0 Speculation, but sound.\xa0 When you look over his things, get a whiff and tell me if you smell--

FELL\xa0\xa0\xa0 [from off] Aw hell!

GRETAL\xa0\xa0\xa0 Crap.

SOUND\xa0\xa0\xa0 FEET, SLAMS OPEN DOOR

GRETAL\xa0\xa0\xa0 [disgusted] Aw, Vic, what are you doing?

VIC\xa0\xa0\xa0 [calm] Just wanted to see a corpse.\xa0 [shrug noise]\xa0

GRETAL\xa0\xa0\xa0 Get a good whiff and then c'mon.\xa0 we're leaving.

MUSIC

SOUND\xa0\xa0\xa0 IN CAR

VIC\xa0\xa0\xa0 Do you mind if I smoke?

GRETAL\xa0\xa0\xa0 Roll down the window.\xa0 A pipe?\xa0

VIC\xa0\xa0\xa0 Bad habit.\xa0 Picked it up while undercover with Old King Cole.

SOUND\xa0\xa0\xa0 MATCH, LIGHTING

GRETAL\xa0\xa0\xa0 Am I going to have to bust you on a narco tip?

VIC\xa0\xa0\xa0 [laughs, then changes the subject] I've never met a coroner before.\xa0 Are they generally large birds?

GRETAL\xa0\xa0\xa0 You'd be surprised.\xa0 Juniper's cousin covers the next duchy over.

VIC\xa0\xa0\xa0 Juniper?

GRETAL\xa0\xa0\xa0 His real name is something unpronounceable in bird talk - so we call him Juniper. \xa0For the tree he lives in.\xa0 Don't sell him short.\xa0 He's a dab hand at spotting any kind of hanky panky.

VIC\xa0\xa0\xa0 Ah.\xa0 And you call him Juney?

GRETAL\xa0\xa0\xa0 [evasive] He's an old friend of the family.

VIC\xa0\xa0\xa0 [knowing] Ah.\xa0

GRETAL\xa0\xa0\xa0 [quickly, covering] What did you find out?\xa0 [disgusted] Apart from it smells like barbecue.

VIC\xa0\xa0\xa0 Actually, the smoke had an entirely different tang to it.\xa0 Something sickly sweet.\xa0 Can't quite put my finger on it.

GRETAL\xa0\xa0\xa0 Ew.\xa0 How can you be so calm?\xa0

VIC\xa0\xa0\xa0 [defensive] Just am.\xa0 [quickly changing the subject] I found two potential clues in his stuff, though.\xa0

GRETAL\xa0\xa0\xa0 Go on.

VIC\xa0\xa0\xa0 He had a white pebble stuck in his shoe, and a pocketful of bread crumbs.\xa0

GRETAL\xa0\xa0\xa0 [disdainful snort] Huh.\xa0 Toast.

VIC\xa0\xa0\xa0 I don't think so.\xa0 If I'm correct, I recognize the bread - a special brand of coarse sourdough ...popular with pattycakes.\xa0

MUSIC

AMB\xa0\xa0\xa0 ST. IVES, THE PATTYCAKE QUARTER

SOUND\xa0\xa0\xa0 JUMPROPE RHYME LIKE CHANTING IN THE BACKGROUND, CROWD

GRETAL\xa0\xa0\xa0 Figures.\xa0 St. Ives is the center of most of the city's crime.

VIC\xa0\xa0\xa0 [annoyed, but quiet] And 90% of it is run by Proseys.

GRETAL\xa0\xa0\xa0 [sharp] What did you say?

VIC\xa0\xa0\xa0 Nothing.\xa0 Just that crime hides here, it doesn't always start here.

GRETAL\xa0\xa0\xa0 So YOU say.

VIC\xa0\xa0\xa0 You can think whatever you want, but let me do the talking.

GRETAL\xa0\xa0\xa0 Yeah, whatever.

VIC\xa0\xa0\xa0 This is my beat.\xa0 [a little down] Was.\xa0 Don't worry.\xa0 My best contact isn't someone you'll have to rhyme to.

MUSIC

RUMPY\xa0\xa0\xa0 You want WHAT?

VIC\xa0\xa0\xa0 You know, and I know, that you know everything and everyone, Mr. Stiltskin.\xa0

RUMPY\xa0\xa0\xa0 You know I've been getting out of the game, Hansel.\xa0 Too old.

SOUND\xa0\xa0\xa0 HAND SLAMMED ON TABLE

GRETAL\xa0\xa0\xa0 [pissed] Look!\xa0 Can you or can't you tell us where to find this Gingerbread house?

VIC\xa0\xa0\xa0 Gretal!

RUMPY\xa0\xa0\xa0 [unruffled] It's not so much a question of can I, but rather will I or won't I.\xa0 What's in it for me?\xa0

GRETAL\xa0\xa0\xa0 Public spirit?

RUMPY\xa0\xa0\xa0 [laughs]

VIC\xa0\xa0\xa0 Same old.\xa0 I'll owe you one, and you've cashed in plenty of my markers before.

RUMPY\xa0\xa0\xa0 And all you want me to do is get you to the center of operations for the biggest dope ring in town?

GRETAL\xa0\xa0\xa0 Yeah.\xa0 Peanuts.

RUMPY\xa0\xa0\xa0 How's your friend Wulf adjusting to his new partner there, [very deliberately, hinting something] Miss Gretal?

VIC\xa0\xa0\xa0 Hmm?

GRETAL\xa0\xa0\xa0 [worried, but not sure] Dunno.\xa0 Haven't had a chance to -- [breaks off, annoyed again] What are you insinuating?

RUMPY\xa0\xa0\xa0 Nothing, nothing...\xa0 [thinking noise]\xa0 Tell you what, I'll make a few calls, see what I can find out.\xa0 Meet me behind the Cutlery Caf\xe9 in an hour.

VIC\xa0\xa0\xa0 Good.

SOUND\xa0\xa0\xa0 FEET, DOOR, AS THEY LEAVE HIM

GRETAL\xa0\xa0\xa0 [snort] You trust him?

VIC\xa0\xa0\xa0 He's very good.

GRETAL\xa0\xa0\xa0 And you're not afraid he's gonna do something stupid.

VIC\xa0\xa0\xa0 [oddly hollow] I'm not afraid at all.\xa0 [up]\xa0 Should we report to Shallott?\xa0 Maybe we should pick up a hand mirror to keep in touch.

GRETAL\xa0\xa0\xa0 Don't work like that.\xa0 Has to be a certain size and quality.\xa0 Why d'you think bathroom mirrors are so crappy?

VIC\xa0\xa0\xa0 Ah.

MUSIC

SOUND\xa0\xa0\xa0 ALLEY

GRETAL\xa0\xa0\xa0 I see alleys are the same all over.

VIC\xa0\xa0\xa0 Yes.

GRETAL\xa0\xa0\xa0 Why's it called the cutlery caf\xe9?\xa0 Got a lot of sharp cheddar on the menu?

VIC\xa0\xa0\xa0 [slight laugh] Nah.\xa0 The dish and the spoon who run it just like alliteration.

GRETAL\xa0\xa0\xa0 [annoyed sigh]\xa0 [suddenly up, gasp]\xa0\xa0 Did you hear something?

SOUND\xa0\xa0\xa0 DISTANT CRUNCH OF A FOOTSTEP, VERY QUIET

VIC\xa0\xa0\xa0 No...\xa0 [long sniff, then realizing] THAT's what I smelled.

GRETAL\xa0\xa0\xa0 What?

SOUND\xa0\xa0\xa0 ATTACK - PEOPLE RUNNING INTO ALLEY!

VIC\xa0\xa0\xa0 [with horror] Gingerbread!

SOUND\xa0\xa0\xa0 BIG SCUFFLE

SOUND\xa0\xa0\xa0 THUMP

MUSIC FADES IN AS THEY WAKE UP

GINGER\xa0\xa0\xa0 EVIL CHUCKLE

GRETAL\xa0\xa0\xa0 [waking up, grunt, oww!!!]

VIC\xa0\xa0\xa0 [weak] Lay still.\xa0 Breathe.

GINGER\xa0\xa0\xa0 I don't like cops, do I, Fleet?

FLEET\xa0\xa0\xa0 [deep creepy chuckle] No, Boss.

GINGER\xa0\xa0\xa0 Except ones that I own...

VIC\xa0\xa0\xa0 [calm, curious] I'm guessing we're not the first ones you've... entertained here? [hinting for her name] Miss...?

GRETAL\xa0\xa0\xa0 What are you--?

VIC\xa0\xa0\xa0 Shh.

GINGER\xa0\xa0\xa0 [pleased, superior] Just call me Ginger.\xa0 What makes you ask?

VIC\xa0\xa0\xa0 Well... I assume this big metal cage isn't something you just had lying around.\xa0

GINGER\xa0\xa0\xa0 [big throaty sexy laugh]\xa0 Good point.\xa0 But I might not use it exclusively for police.\xa0

VIC\xa0\xa0\xa0 Let me guess.\xa0 Business rivals?\xa0 People who owe you money?\xa0 [very knowing] Boy toys?\xa0 Tough Cookies?

GINGER\xa0\xa0\xa0 [snappish and annoyed] I'll leave you to ponder that.\xa0 Fleet?

FLEET\xa0\xa0\xa0 Boss?

GINGER\xa0\xa0\xa0 Did you get their weapons?

FLEET\xa0\xa0\xa0 [whispered] no fingers, boss.

GINGER\xa0\xa0\xa0 Damn.\xa0 Take this--

SOUND\xa0\xa0\xa0 SNATCHES UP SOMETHING FROM THE DESK, HANDS IT OVER

GINGER\xa0\xa0\xa0 --and cover them while I disarm them.\xa0 [muttering to self as she crosses to he cage] ...really need to perfect that recipe.\xa0

VIC\xa0\xa0\xa0 There's always prosthetics.

GINGER\xa0\xa0\xa0 What?

VIC\xa0\xa0\xa0 You could make hands that mount onto their arms.

GINGER\xa0\xa0\xa0 Hmm....

GRETAL\xa0\xa0\xa0 Don't help the crime boss!

GINGER\xa0\xa0\xa0 Hand over your weapons.\xa0 You can\u2019t shoot between the bars anyway.\xa0 Magic.

GRETAL\xa0\xa0\xa0 Why I oughtta--!

VIC\xa0\xa0\xa0 Just do it.\xa0 That frosted maniac may not have fingers, but I suspect that shotgun was made for his kind.

FLEET\xa0\xa0\xa0 You bet.

GRETAL\xa0\xa0\xa0 Hell.

SOUND\xa0\xa0\xa0 GUN HANDED OVER

GINGER\xa0\xa0\xa0 And yours.

VIC\xa0\xa0\xa0 Here.

GINGER\xa0\xa0\xa0 Hmph.\xa0 [insulting] Kind of... small.

VIC\xa0\xa0\xa0 I spend a lot of time undercover.

GINGER\xa0\xa0\xa0 Hmph.\xa0 Okay Fleet, round up the troops.

FLEET\xa0\xa0\xa0 [plaintive] I don't get to kill them?

GINGER\xa0\xa0\xa0 Maybe later.\xa0 Maybe just her.\xa0 [as she leaves] I might keep him around, give him a taste of the product - fatten him up a bit.

SOUND\xa0\xa0\xa0 DOOR SHUTS

VIC AND GRETAL\xa0\xa0\xa0 [sigh in relief]

SOUND\xa0\xa0\xa0 DOOR OPENS

GINGER\xa0\xa0\xa0 [from off] Leave Stumpy to guard them.\xa0 Make him earn his keep.

SOUND\xa0\xa0\xa0 FOOTSTEPS ENTER

GRETAL\xa0\xa0\xa0 [musing] I don't think I'll ever eat a Gingerbread man again.\xa0 [hushed, but to Vic] Nice mess we're in.\xa0 Your contact set us up.

VIC\xa0\xa0\xa0 [shrug] He only promised to get us in.\xa0\xa0 And ...he did.

GRETAL\xa0\xa0\xa0 Count your fingers, toes and your children?

VIC\xa0\xa0\xa0 Kinda.\xa0 But he's usually a bit more ... self-serving.

GRETAL\xa0\xa0\xa0 I think I can reach the lock.\xa0 Got anything I can pick it with?

VIC\xa0\xa0\xa0 Nothing.

GRETAL\xa0\xa0\xa0 Well Dammit.

STUMPY\xa0\xa0\xa0 Shut up in there!

VIC\xa0\xa0\xa0 We'll just have to wait.

GRETAL\xa0\xa0\xa0 [thinks, sigh of decision, then angry] If there is ONE thing I cannot stand, it's your defeatist attitude!

VIC\xa0\xa0\xa0 [baffled by the sudden attack]\xa0 What?

GRETAL\xa0\xa0\xa0 It's like I have to do everything in this damn partnership!

STUMPY\xa0\xa0\xa0 I said shut up!\xa0 Or I'll shut you up!

VIC\xa0\xa0\xa0 [getting it] Oh!\xa0 [angry sounding, but not too convincing]\xa0 Oh yeah?\xa0 Well, if you would just take a minute to think instead of running ahead like a... like a ...

GRETAL\xa0\xa0\xa0 Bull in a china shop?

VIC\xa0\xa0\xa0 No, a--

GRETAL\xa0\xa0\xa0 Giant round of cheese, rolling downhill and crushing all in my path?

VIC\xa0\xa0\xa0 No!\xa0 a --

STUMPY\xa0\xa0\xa0 [very close] Juggernaut of disaster?

VIC\xa0\xa0\xa0 No!\xa0

GRETAL\xa0\xa0\xa0 Who cares?\xa0 I'm going to kill you, and there's nothing this - this one-armed bandit can do to stop me!

SOUND\xa0\xa0\xa0 SCUFFLE

VIC\xa0\xa0\xa0 [not very convincing in pain] Ow!\xa0 Ow!\xa0 Ow!

STUMPY\xa0\xa0\xa0 Boss said to take care of him.\xa0

SOUND\xa0\xa0\xa0 CAGE DOOR UNLOCKS

STUMPY\xa0\xa0\xa0 Not you.

GRETAL\xa0\xa0\xa0 [whisper] On three!

VIC\xa0\xa0\xa0 [whisper] right! [up] Ow!\xa0 You're killing me!!

GRETAL\xa0\xa0\xa0 I'm going to tear you in three - One, Two, Three!

SOUND\xa0\xa0\xa0 GUNSHOT, CRACKING OF BROKEN GINGERBREAD

GRETAL\xa0\xa0\xa0 What?\xa0 Where'd you get a gun?

VIC\xa0\xa0\xa0 I never gave it up.\xa0 Is it "dead"?

GRETAL\xa0\xa0\xa0 Not sure where to look for a pulse on a Gingerbread man.\xa0 But he has gone all floppy.\xa0

VIC\xa0\xa0\xa0 Seems logical.\xa0 All the same, let's lock him in.

SOUND\xa0\xa0\xa0 FEET, CAGE DOOR LOCKS

SOUND\xa0\xa0\xa0 BIG DOOR OPENING SLOWLY

SOUND\xa0\xa0\xa0 DISTANT GUNSHOTS

VIC\xa0\xa0\xa0 What do you think that is?

WULF\xa0\xa0\xa0 [DISTANT ATTACK ROAR]

GRETAL\xa0\xa0\xa0 [chuckle, very pleased] The cavalry.

MUSIC

SOUND\xa0\xa0\xa0 BIG OVEN FIRE, CLOSE

SOUND\xa0\xa0\xa0 [OFF] FOOTSTEPS COMING

GINGER\xa0\xa0\xa0 Damn.\xa0 Fleet!\xa0 Keep them back!

FLEET\xa0\xa0\xa0 Right.\xa0 Men!

SOUND\xa0\xa0\xa0 SHOTGUNS COCK

MUSIC

CUT TO\xa0\xa0\xa0 OUT IN HALL

GRETAL\xa0\xa0\xa0 Do you still hear Wulf back there?\xa0

VIC\xa0\xa0\xa0 No.

WULF\xa0\xa0\xa0 [DISTANT GROWLY ROAR]

VIC\xa0\xa0\xa0 Yes.\xa0 Still far, though.

GRETAL\xa0\xa0\xa0 Damn.\xa0 We may have that witch nailed down in the baking room, but with just us, and just your gun, we don't have a hope of taking her in.

VIC\xa0\xa0\xa0 I see.

GRETAL\xa0\xa0\xa0 How did you get your gun back anyway?

VIC\xa0\xa0\xa0 Later.\xa0 Did you see how many of her gingerbread minions she has with her?

GRETAL\xa0\xa0\xa0 Half a dozen maybe.\xa0 They all kinda look alike.

VIC\xa0\xa0\xa0 Take the gun.\xa0 I have an idea.

MUSIC

OVEN ROOM

GINGER\xa0\xa0\xa0 Did you see how many of them there were?

FLEET\xa0\xa0\xa0 No, boss.\xa0 Just heard guns, and rushed you in here, as per evacuation plan 7--

SOUND\xa0\xa0\xa0 SPRINKLERS COME ON

FLEET\xa0\xa0\xa0 Noooooooooo!

OTHER GB MEN\xa0\xa0\xa0 [horrified reaction]\xa0 Not the sprinklers!

GINGER\xa0\xa0\xa0 Damn!\xa0 I knew there was a reason I meant to have those replaced!

SOUND\xa0\xa0\xa0 FLOPS AND SPLASHES AS THE MEN FALL APART

SOUND\xa0\xa0\xa0 DOOR KICKED IN

GRETAL\xa0\xa0\xa0 Hands up!\xa0 You're under arrest, witch!

GINGER\xa0\xa0\xa0 Never!

SOUND\xa0\xa0\xa0 OPENS HUGE OVEN

GINGER\xa0\xa0\xa0 You'll never take me alive, coppers!

VIC\xa0\xa0\xa0 Here comes Wulf!

GRETAL\xa0\xa0\xa0 Step away from the oven!

GINGER\xa0\xa0\xa0 [laughs maniacally, then screams as she steps into the oven]

GRETAL\xa0\xa0\xa0 Oh crap!\xa0 I can't believe she --

VIC\xa0\xa0\xa0 Don't get too close!

SOUND\xa0\xa0\xa0 FIRE WHOOSHES UP

MUSIC

SOUND\xa0\xa0\xa0 BAR

VIC\xa0\xa0\xa0 How did you happen to show up at the right moment, anyway?

WULF\xa0\xa0\xa0 A snitch.\xa0

VIC\xa0\xa0\xa0 [knowing] Should I guess his name?

WULF\xa0\xa0\xa0 Slipped a word to us.

GRETAL\xa0\xa0\xa0 Us?\xa0 Oh, right, your new partner.

WULF\xa0\xa0\xa0 Gander's a well made sword.\xa0 Cut a righteous swath of his own against those crusty fellows.

GRETAL\xa0\xa0\xa0 Where is he?

VIC\xa0\xa0\xa0 Here he comes.

GANDER\xa0\xa0\xa0 Thought I'd grab drinks for all us here;
Hope everybody wants a beer.

SOUND\xa0\xa0\xa0 SETTING DOWN DRINKS

WULF\xa0\xa0\xa0 Sit down!\xa0 You're a warrior, not a wife!

GRETAL\xa0\xa0\xa0 [a little brusque] Beer's good.\xa0 Thanks.

VIC\xa0\xa0\xa0 How are you finding detective work?

GANDER\xa0\xa0\xa0 Oh... The work is interesting, fine.
And they'll get used to me in time.

VIC\xa0\xa0\xa0 I'm sure they will.

GRETAL\xa0\xa0\xa0 [Gulps down her beer] We gotta get going.\xa0

SOUND\xa0\xa0\xa0 THEY WALK AWAY

CAPTAIN\xa0\xa0\xa0 Just the two I was looking for.

GRETAL\xa0\xa0\xa0 Oh boy.

CApTAIN\xa0\xa0\xa0 They got the oven shut down.

GRETAL\xa0\xa0\xa0 And?

VIC\xa0\xa0\xa0 May I guess?

CAPTAIN\xa0\xa0\xa0 Uh, sure.

VIC\xa0\xa0\xa0 No body.\xa0

CAPTAIn\xa0\xa0\xa0 They think maybe it was hot enough--

GRETAL\xa0\xa0\xa0 To destroy the corpse?\xa0 Nah.\xa0 It was her escape route.\xa0 Shoulda known.\xa0 She went in too easily.

CAPTAIn\xa0\xa0\xa0 Watch your back, Gretal.\xa0 Hansel, you too.\xa0 Oh, and...

SOUND\xa0\xa0\xa0 METAL CLINK

CAPTAIN\xa0\xa0\xa0 You probably need this.

GRETAL\xa0\xa0\xa0 Always a pleasure.\xa0 Feel naked without it.

MUSIC

AMB\xa0\xa0\xa0 CAR

VIC\xa0\xa0\xa0 You need to cut that guy some slack.

GRETAL\xa0\xa0\xa0 Who?

VIC\xa0\xa0\xa0 The new guy.

GRETAL\xa0\xa0\xa0 Who died and made you wise woman?

VIC\xa0\xa0\xa0 He just walks up and you start edging toward the door.

GRETAL\xa0\xa0\xa0 [growls] My problem, not yours.

VIC\xa0\xa0\xa0 We are partners now.\xa0 Su problemo es mi problemo.

GRETAL\xa0\xa0\xa0 Whatever.\xa0 [changing the subject] So?\xa0 The gun?\xa0 How'd you still have it when we were locked up?

VIC\xa0\xa0\xa0 Oh that. \xa0I never gave it up.

GRETAL\xa0\xa0\xa0 But that witchy boss chick?

VIC\xa0\xa0\xa0 Gave her my pipe instead.

GRETAL\xa0\xa0\xa0 And she couldn\u2019t tell the difference?

VIC\xa0\xa0\xa0 I noticed she was very nearsighted.\xa0 [tsks]\xa0 These vain women - afraid glasses will ruin their looks.

*****************************