19 Nocturne Boulevard - Bread Overhead - Reissue
The Puffy Loaf corporation takes the next "logical" step to make their bread fluffier and lighter ...possibly lighter than air.\xa0 (adapted by Julie Hoverson from the story by Fritz Leiber, published in 1958) *****************************************
Editing and Sound:\xa0\xa0Julie Hoverson
Cover Design:\xa0 Julie Hoverson (with help from Brett Coulstock)
What Kind of a place is it?
Why it's a lovely white bread future (by way of 1958) can't you tell?
Cast List
Megera Winterly - Melissa Pang
Roger Snedden - Russell Gold
Phineas T. Gryce - Glen Hallstrom
Tin Philosopher - Jerry Bennett
Rose Thinker - Kris Keppeler
\xa0
Congresswoman - Sharon Delong
Aide - Steve Guy
Robot Tour Guide - Derek M. Koch (Mail Order Zombie)
Henpecked pilot - Jack Hosley (Wander Radio)
Kathy - Kim Poole (Warp'd Space)
June - Shelbi McIntyre
Preacher - Ferguson (Cadavertrax)
Child - Spawn of Ferguson
Radio Moscow1 - Reynaud LeBoeuf
Government Official - \xa0Master Payne
Radio Moscow2 - Julie Hoverson
Delhi Telefax - Ayoub Khote
General - Bryan Hendrickson
Scientist - Frederick Greenhalgh (Final Rune Productions)
Doomsayer - Danar Hoverson
Father O'Malley - Clarence Fanshaw
Geneva telefax - Julie Hoverson
Hawker1 - Jeff Pittman
Hawker2 - Jeff Taylor
Hawker3 - Shayla Conrad-Simms
Hawker4 - Mark Olson
Hawker5 - Connor Olson
News1 - Jerry Bennett
News2 - Julie Hoverson
Naturalist - Brett Coulstock
News - Jerry Bennett
Radio Moscow - Reynaud LeBoeuf
Russian Wife - Gwendolyn-Jensen Woodard
Arabic Storyteller -\xa0\xa0 Terry Cooper
Interviewer - Ellen Vickery
Climber1 - J. Christopher Dunn
Climber2 - Mark Olson
Climber3 - Brody Walker (Rainbow Reels Cinema)
[Anyone not mentioned was probably Julie Hoverson.....]
*********************************************
BREAD OVERHEAD
(From the story by Fritz Leiber, printed in Galaxy in 1958).
Cast:
[Opening credits - Olivia]
MAIN STORY SCENES:
MEGERA Winterly (F20s-30s), Secretary in Chief
ROGER Snedden (M30s), Assistant Secretary
Phineas T. GRYCE (M50s), chairman of the board
ROSE THINKER (F/any), optimistic robot
TIN PHILOSOPHER (M/any), serious robot
\xa0
INTERVENING SCENES
Scenes 1 & 3
Congresswoman (F40s)
Aide (any)
Tourguide (any)
Scene 5
Hungover man
Scene 7
June, housewife
Kathy, housewife
Scene 9
Preacher
Child
Congregation [crowd]
Scene 11
Radio Moscow
Government Press Release
Scene 13
Delhi Telefax
Scene 15
Moderator
General
Scientist
Crowd [cheers]
Scene 17
Doomsayer
TV Host
Father O'Malley
Scene 19
Stockholm Telefax
Scene 21
Hawker1
Hawker2
Hawker3
Hawker4
Scene 23
News1
News2
Scene 25
Naturalist
Scene 27
Reporter
Radio Moscow
Scene 28
Russian girl
Russian grunt
Russian wife
Scene 29
Arabic Storyteller
Scene 30
Interviewer (talking to survivors of a rock climbing incident)
Member1
Member2
Member3
_______________________________________________________________________
OLIVIA \xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0Did you have any trouble finding it?\xa0 What do you mean, what kind of a place is it?\xa0 Why, it's a lovely white bread future by way of 1958, can't you tell?\xa0
MUSIC
SCENE 1.\xa0\xa0\xa0
SOUND \xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0OUTDOOR NOISES, MACHINERY
CONGRESSWOMAN\xa0\xa0\xa0 As your duly elected congresswoman, I am so pleased to be able to come here and officiate at this... very splendid and worthwhile uh ...endeavor.
AIDE\xa0\xa0\xa0 New bread making plant.
CONGRESSWOMAN\xa0\xa0\xa0 [quiet] Bread making?\xa0 It looks like a giant robot centipede!\xa0
AIDE\xa0\xa0\xa0 [duh!] The tour?\xa0 They're about to--
TOURGUIDE\xa0\xa0\xa0 So pleased to see you, Congresswoman.\xa0 If you would step right this way?
CONGRESSWOMAN\xa0\xa0\xa0 [confident] I am so pleased to be able to be the first to see your new breadmaking facility.
TOURGUIDE\xa0\xa0\xa0 This is a great step forward [chuckles] in every sense of the word - for breadmaking, for the United States, and of course for the Puffy Loaf Corporation.
MUSIC
SCENE 2.\xa0\xa0\xa0
AMB\xa0\xa0\xa0 PUFFYLOAF OFFICE MUSIC
SOUND\xa0\xa0\xa0 SWOOSH DOOR, HUSHED FOOTSTEPS
MEGARA\xa0\xa0\xa0 [striding in] Why don't you jump out the window, Roger, remembering to shut the airlock after you?\xa0 You have about as much chance of talking me into marriage as a starving Ukrainian kulak now that Moscow's clapped on the interdict.
ROGER\xa0\xa0\xa0 [bringing up the rear] A lot of things are going to be different around here, Meg, as soon as the Board is forced to admit that only my quick thinking made it possible to bring the name of Puffy loaf in front of the whole world.
MEGARA\xa0\xa0\xa0 [musing] Puffy loaf could do with a little of that.\xa0 The way sales have been, it won't be long before Fairy Bread just waltzes right in and asks us to take the Big Jump. But just where does your quick thinking come in? You can't be referring to the helium--that was Rose Thinker's brainwave.
ROGER\xa0\xa0\xa0 Well, I--
MEGARA\xa0\xa0\xa0 You've birthed another promotional bumble, Roger. I can see it in your eyes. I only hope it's not as big a one as when you put the Martian ambassador on 3D, live, and he thanked you profusely for the gross of Puffy loaves, assuring you that he'd never slept on a softer mattress in all his life!
ROGER\xa0\xa0\xa0 Listen to me, Meg. Today--yes, today!--you're going to see the Board eating out of my hand.
MEGARA\xa0\xa0\xa0 Hah! I guarantee you won't have any fingers left. You're bold enough now, but when Mr.\xa0Gryce and those two big robots come through that door--
ROGER\xa0\xa0\xa0 Now wait a minute, Meg--
MEGARA\xa0\xa0\xa0 Hush! They're coming now!
SOUND\xa0\xa0\xa0 DOOR SWOOSH
MUSIC
SCENE 3.\xa0\xa0\xa0
AMB\xa0\xa0\xa0 OUTDOORS
TOURGUIDE\xa0\xa0\xa0 Each of our walking mills is a self-contained production factory.\xa0
CONGRESSWOMAN\xa0\xa0\xa0 Spike to loaf in one operation?
TOURGUIDE\xa0\xa0\xa0 [pleased] You've read our literature.
CONGRESSWOMAN\xa0\xa0\xa0 Of course.\xa0 [whispered]\xa0 Thanks, Hank.
AIDE\xa0\xa0\xa0 Right.
CONGRESSWOMAN\xa0\xa0\xa0 So it-- uh--
AIDE\xa0\xa0\xa0 Crawls all over the field, harvesting the wheat--?
TOURGUIDE\xa0\xa0\xa0 Harvests, threshes, quick-dries, and grinds.
CONGRESSWOMAN\xa0\xa0\xa0 Impressive.
TOURGUIDE\xa0\xa0\xa0 Ah, but that's just the front half.
AIDE\xa0\xa0\xa0 Of course - it must bake as well.
CONGRESSWOMAN\xa0\xa0\xa0 And then bread comes out the - um - the "southern" end?
TOURGUIDE\xa0\xa0\xa0 [chortles]\xa0 Why don't we go and see?\xa0 Hop on.
SOUND\xa0\xa0\xa0 DOORS CLOSE, CAR MOVES
CONGRESSWOMAN\xa0\xa0\xa0 Why, they're terribly long, aren't they?
TOURGUIDE\xa0\xa0\xa0 Thirty gleaming and fully-automated yards of breadmaking efficiency!
CONGRESSWOMAN\xa0\xa0\xa0 What's... that?
TOURGUIDE\xa0\xa0\xa0 What?
CONGRESSWOMAN\xa0\xa0\xa0 Up there?
AIDE\xa0\xa0\xa0 Soviet spy planes?
CONGRESSWOMAN\xa0\xa0\xa0 They're awfully small for planes.
TOURGUIDE\xa0\xa0\xa0 [alarm] Oh my goodness!\xa0 It's-- it's---
MUSIC
SCENE 4.\xa0 \xa0\xa0
MEGARA\xa0\xa0\xa0 [singing the company jingle]\xa0 Made up of tiny wheaten motes
And reinforced with sturdy oats,
It rises through the air and floats--
The bread on which all Terra dotes!
TIN PHILOSOPHER\xa0\xa0\xa0 Thank you, Miss Winterly.\xa0 Though a purely figurative statement, that bit about rising through the air always gets me--here.
SOUND\xa0\xa0\xa0 CLANG AS HE TAPS HIS CHEST
TIN PHILOSOPHER\xa0\xa0\xa0 This is a historic occasion in Old Puffy's long history, the inauguration of the helium-filled loaf--
ROSE THINKER\xa0\xa0\xa0 So Light It Almost Floats Away!
TIN PHILOSOPHER\xa0\xa0\xa0 --in which that inert and heaven-aspiring gas replaces old-fashioned carbon dioxide.\xa0 Kudos for Rose Thinker, whose bright relays genius-sparked the idea\u2011\u2011
ROSE THINKER\xa0\xa0\xa0 [titters]
TIN PHILOSOPHER\xa0\xa0\xa0 --and also for Roger Snedden, who took care of the ... nuts and bolts, so to speak.
MUSIC
SCENE 5.\xa0\xa0\xa0
SOUND\xa0\xa0\xa0 HELICOPTER NOISE
HUNGOVER\xa0\xa0\xa0 I'm only about a half hour away--
SOUND\xa0\xa0\xa0 [nagging wife noise on phone]
HUNGOVER\xa0\xa0\xa0 It was a business meeting, dear.\xa0 I couldn't very well say--
SOUND\xa0\xa0\xa0 [nagging wife noise on phone]
HUNGOVER\xa0\xa0\xa0 Right.\xa0 You're right.\xa0 You're always--
SOUND\xa0\xa0\xa0 [nagging wife noise on phone]
HUNGOVER\xa0\xa0\xa0 I have the list right here.\xa0 Bread--
SOUND\xa0\xa0\xa0 THUMP
HUNGOVER\xa0\xa0\xa0 What the devil?\xa0 Birds?
SOUND\xa0\xa0\xa0 [nagging wife noise on phone-query]
HUNGOVER\xa0\xa0\xa0 Jeepers creepers!
SOUND\xa0\xa0\xa0 THUMP THUMP THUMP
MUSIC
SCENE 6.\xa0\xa0\xa0
AMB\xa0\xa0\xa0 OFFICE
GRYCE\xa0\xa0\xa0 By the by, Snedden, that was a brilliant piece of work getting the helium out of the government--they've been pretty stuffy lately about their monopoly.
ROGER\xa0\xa0\xa0 [guilty] Uh, yeah - about that--
TIN PHILOSOPHER\xa0\xa0\xa0 [cough noise] Ever since the first cave wife boasted to her next-den neighbor about the superior paleness and fluffiness of her tortillas, mankind has sought lighter, whiter bread. Indeed, thinkers wiser than myself have equated the whole upward course of culture with this poignant quest.
ROSE THINKER\xa0\xa0\xa0 Yeast was a wonderful discovery--for its primitive day. Sifting the bran and wheat germ from the flour was an even more important advance.
GRYCE\xa0\xa0\xa0 Skip ahead.\xa0 We all know the history.\xa0
TIN PHILOSOPHER\xa0\xa0\xa0 [miffed] Bread is now twenty times stronger, by weight, than steel, and of a lightness so great that it has even been capitalized on by our conscienceless competitors of Fairy Bread with their enduring slogan: 'It Makes Ghost Toast'.
ROSE THINKER\xa0\xa0\xa0 That's a beaut, all right, that ecto-dough blurb.
SOUND\xa0\xa0\xa0 HER CALCULATING NOISE
ROSE THINKER\xa0\xa0\xa0 Wait a sec. How about\u2014\u201cThere'll be bread / Overhead?\u201d
SOUND\xa0\xa0\xa0 CLANK AS TIN KICKS HER
TIN PHILOSOPHER\xa0\xa0\xa0 [quickly hissed with import] Rises through the air is figurative - not literal.
SOUND\xa0\xa0\xa0 HER CALCULATING MADLY
ROSE THINKER\xa0\xa0\xa0 Of course.\xa0 [covering] I-I-I... wonder what the stuff tastes like.
TIN PHILOSOPHER\xa0\xa0\xa0 [relaxed again] I wonder what taste tastes like
GRYCE\xa0\xa0\xa0 Well Rose, I'm glad you keep trying to outjingle those dirty crooks at Fairy Bread, anyway.\xa0 I'm sure you'll come up with something.
MUSIC
SCENE 7.\xa0\xa0\xa0
AMBIANCE\xa0\xa0\xa0 OUTSIDE
SOUND\xa0\xa0\xa0 LAUNDRY FLAPPING
JUNE\xa0\xa0\xa0 [clothespins in mouth] And I said to her, I said--
KATHY\xa0\xa0\xa0 What in blazes!!!
JUNE\xa0\xa0\xa0 [gasp] That's not what I said!
KATHY\xa0\xa0\xa0 No!\xa0 Look!\xa0 Look!
JUNE\xa0\xa0\xa0 Great googley moogley \xa0- whatever d'you think those could be?
KATHY\xa0\xa0\xa0 Spy... things!
JUNE\xa0\xa0\xa0 Soviets!
KATHY\xa0\xa0\xa0 [urgent] Pass me the walkie talkie!
JUNE\xa0\xa0\xa0 Where--?
KATHY\xa0\xa0\xa0 In the laundry basket!
MUSIC
SCENE 8.\xa0\xa0\xa0
AMB\xa0\xa0\xa0 PUFFYLOAF OFFICE
TIN PHILOSOPHER\xa0\xa0\xa0 The next great advance in the baking art was the substitution of purified carbon dioxide for the gas generated by yeast organisms, thus leaving no corpses in situ.
ROSE THINKER\xa0\xa0\xa0 Ew.\xa0 But even purified carbon dioxide is itself a rather repugnant gas.
TIN PHILOSOPHER\xa0\xa0\xa0 Therefore, we of Puffy Loaf are taking today what may be the ultimate step toward purity - we are aerating our loaves with the noble gas helium!
ROSE THINKER\xa0\xa0\xa0 An element which remains virginal in the face of all chemical temptations and whose slim molecules are eleven times lighter than obese carbon dioxide!
MUSIC
SCENE 9.\xa0\xa0\xa0
SOUND\xa0\xa0\xa0 END OF HYMN
PREACHER\xa0\xa0\xa0 Amen.\xa0 And now let us give thanks to the Lord.\xa0 Hallowed be his name.\xa0
CONGREGATION\xa0\xa0\xa0 Amen.
CHILD\xa0\xa0\xa0 Look at that!\xa0 Out the window!
SOUND\xa0\xa0\xa0 SLAP
CHILD\xa0\xa0\xa0 [annoyed] Ow!
PREACHER\xa0\xa0\xa0 Our father, that art in heaven, look down upon us wretched sinners, forgive us for our annoyance of others.
CONGREGATION\xa0\xa0\xa0 [murmur, almost a chuckle]
PREACHER\xa0\xa0\xa0 For we are repentful.\xa0 Give us this day our daily--
SOUND\xa0\xa0\xa0 THUMP ON WINDOW
PREACHER\xa0\xa0\xa0 Holy Cow!
MUSIC
SCENE 10.\xa0\xa0\xa0
TIN PHILOSOPHER\xa0\xa0\xa0 I give you - the helium loaf!
GRYCE\xa0\xa0\xa0 Hear Hear.
SOUND\xa0\xa0\xa0 APPLAUSE
GRYCE\xa0\xa0\xa0 And now for the Moment of Truth. Miss Winterly, how is the helium loaf selling?
SOUND\xa0\xa0\xa0 TAPPING KEYS
MEGARA\xa0\xa0\xa0 Uh...
SOUND\xa0\xa0\xa0 MORE FRANTIC TAPPING
MEGARA\xa0\xa0\xa0 [horrified] It isn't, Mr. Gryce!\xa0 Fairy Bread is outselling Puffy loaves by an infinity factor.\xa0 So far this morning, there has not been one single delivery of Puffy loaves to any sales spot!! Complaints about non-delivery are pouring in!
GRYCE\xa0\xa0\xa0 [snarling] Mr. Snedden!\xa0 What bug in the new helium process might account for this delay?
ROGER\xa0\xa0\xa0 Uh... I can't imagine, sir, unless - just possibly - there's been some unforeseeable difficulty involving the new metal-foil wrappers.
GRYCE\xa0\xa0\xa0 Metal-foil wrappers?\xa0 Were you responsible for those?
ROGER\xa0\xa0\xa0 Yes, sir.\xa0 Last-minute recalculations showed that the extra lightness of the new loaf might be great enough to cause drift during stackage.\xa0 Metal-foil wrappers, by their added weight, took care of the difficulty.
GRYCE\xa0\xa0\xa0 [warning]\xa0 And you ordered them without consulting the Board?
ROGER\xa0\xa0\xa0 [sweating]\xa0 Yes, sir. There was hardly time and--
GRYCE\xa0\xa0\xa0 You fool!\xa0 I noticed the order for metal-foil wrappers, assumed it was some sub-secretary's mistake, and canceled it last night!
MUSIC
SCENE 11.\xa0\xa0\xa0
RADIO MOSCOW\xa0\xa0\xa0 In other news, the glorious Kremlin announces it will brook no interference in its treatment of the Ukrainian upstarts.\xa0 This flying bread is clearly a bourgeoisie invitation to join the capitalists in cloud cuckoo land.\xa0
GOVERNMENT\xa0\xa0\xa0 official press release, United States state department.\xa0 As we have no defense contracts with the Puffy loaf Corporation, we can take no responsibility for their erratic delivery methods.
RADIO MOSCOW\xa0\xa0\xa0 Citizens are warned to report any instances of the airborne bread, particularly any low-flying loaves.\xa0 They have been reported as booby-trapped!\xa0 Reports have been coming in all morning of deaths.\xa0 The Capitalist running dog lackeys will do anything to damage our national contentment.
MUSIC
SCENE 12.\xa0\xa0\xa0
ROGER \xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0[stunned] You-- you canceled the [squeak] order?\xa0 [gasp] And told them to go back to the lighter plastic wrappers?
GRYCE\xa0\xa0\xa0 Of course!\xa0 Just what's behind all this, Mr. Snedden?\xa0 What got you so worried, when our physicists demonstrated months ago that the helium loaf was safely stackable in light breezes - even up to Beaufort's scale 3.\xa0
TIN PHILOSOPHER\xa0\xa0\xa0 Why would a change in wrappers result in non-delivery?
ROGER\xa0\xa0\xa0 Er-- ah-- er...\xa0 Well, you see, the fact is that I....
MEGARA\xa0\xa0\xa0 Hold it!\xa0 Triple-urgent message from Public Relations, Safety Division. Tulsa-Topeka aero-express makes emergency landing after being buffeted in encounter with vast flight of objects initially described as brown birds.
GRYCE\xa0\xa0\xa0 What's this got to--?
MEGARA\xa0\xa0\xa0 [over him] After grounding safely near Emporia--no fatalities--pilot's windshield found thinly plastered with soft white-and-brown material.\xa0 [astonished and horrified] Emblems on plastic wrappers embedded in material identify it incontrovertibly as an undetermined number of Puffy loaves cruising at three thousand feet!
MUSIC
SCENE 13.\xa0\xa0\xa0
DELHI TELEFAX\xa0\xa0\xa0 Telefax to the United States.\xa0 No millet shortage here.\xa0 Misleading report of blight on crops.\xa0 Delhi is in no need of relief packages and can feed own people.\xa0 Need no additional help.\xa0 Expecting usual deliveries by end of week.
MUSIC
SCENE 14.\xa0\xa0\xa0
ROGER\xa0\xa0\xa0 [blurting] All right, I did it!\xa0 But it was the only way out! Yesterday morning, due to the Ukrainian crisis, the government stopped sales and deliveries of all strategic stockpiled materials, including helium gas.
ROSE THINKER\xa0\xa0\xa0 How heavy-handed.\xa0 [titters]
ROGER\xa0\xa0\xa0 Puffy's new program of advertising and promotion, based on the lighter loaf, was already rolling. \xa0There was only one thing to do, there being only one other gas comparable in lightness to helium.
MEGARA\xa0\xa0\xa0 You didn't!
ROGER\xa0\xa0\xa0 I did.\xa0 I diverted the necessary quantity of hydrogen gas from the Hydrogenated Oils Section of our Magna-Margarine Division and substituted it for the helium.
MUSIC
SCENE 15.\xa0\xa0\xa0
MODERATOR\xa0\xa0\xa0 The debate rages as to what to do with the consistently buoyant loaves.\xa0 The U.S. Army had this to say\u2014
GENERAL\xa0\xa0\xa0 Extreme measures are being considered, possibly even to the extent of using fusion technology to dissipate the flock.
MODERATOR\xa0\xa0\xa0 But at a rally yesterday, scientists spoke out--
SOUND\xa0\xa0\xa0 RALLY [on TV; filter]
SCIENTIST \xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0[on TV; filter] Exploding a bomb among the loaves would be devastating, setting off a chain reaction!\xa0 We must send a message \u2013 no more deaths from flying bread!
CROWD \xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0[cheering]
MUSIC
SCENE 16.\xa0\xa0\xa0
GRYCE\xa0\xa0\xa0 [quiet horror] You substituted ... hydrogen ... for the ... helium?
TIN PHILOSOPHER\xa0\xa0\xa0 Hydrogen is twice as light as helium.
ROSE THINKER\xa0\xa0\xa0 And many times cheaper.
ROGER\xa0\xa0\xa0 Yes!\xa0 I substituted hydrogen!\xa0 The metal-foil wrapping would have added just enough weight to counteract the greater buoyancy of the hydrogen loaf.
TIN PHILOSOPHER\xa0\xa0\xa0 So, when this morning's loaves began to arrive on the delivery platforms of the walking mills--
ROGER\xa0\xa0\xa0 [miserable]\xa0 Exactly.
GRYCE\xa0\xa0\xa0 [dangerous rumble] Let me ask you, Mr.\xa0Snedden... did you expect people to jump to the kitchen ceiling for their Puffybread after taking off the metal wrapper, or maybe reach for the sky if they happened to have the misfortune to unwrap the stuff outdoors?
ROGER\xa0\xa0\xa0 Mr. Gryce, you yourself have often assured me that what people do with Puffybread after they buy it is no concern of ours.
MUSIC
SCENE 17.\xa0\xa0\xa0
DOOMSAYER\xa0\xa0\xa0 [on filter] ...and he did say unto the prophet Breadediah to watch the skies \u2013 yea, for even the staff of life may be used to smite, and manna may fall from the heavens and crush the unworthy!
TV HOST\xa0\xa0\xa0 What do you think of this disturbing trend in apocalyptic jargon, Father O'Malley?
FATHER O'MALLEY\xa0\xa0\xa0 The pope hasn\u2019t ruled yet on the bread's miracle status.\xa0 I expect it depends a great deal on where it finally touches down, Phil.\xa0 Until then, it\u2019s all up in the air.
MUSIC
SCENE 18.\xa0\xa0\xa0
ROSE THINKER\xa0\xa0\xa0 [metallic gasp] Oh, boy--hydrogen!\xa0 The loaf's unwrapped.\xa0 After a while, in spite of the crust-seal, a little oxygen diffuses in. An explosive mixture. Housewife in curlers and kimono pops a couple slices in the toaster. Boom!
GRYCE\xa0\xa0\xa0 Holy Canola!
ROGER\xa0\xa0\xa0 [groan]
SOUND\xa0\xa0\xa0 METALLIC KICK
TIN PHILOSOPHER\xa0\xa0\xa0 So you see, Roger, that the non-delivery of the hydrogen loaf carries some consolations.
ROSE THINKER\xa0\xa0\xa0 Oh, yes.
TIN PHILOSOPHER\xa0\xa0\xa0 And I must confess that one aspect of the affair gives me great satisfaction, not as a Board Member but as a private machine. You have at last made a reality of our theme song.\xa0 It indeed now 'rises through the air'.
ROSE THINKER\xa0\xa0\xa0 By now, half the inhabitants of the Great Plains must have observed our flying loaves!
GRYCE\xa0\xa0\xa0 The hell you say!\xa0 Stop the mills!
MEGARA\xa0\xa0\xa0 Absolutely, sir.
TIN PHILOSOPHER\xa0\xa0\xa0 A sensible suggestion.\xa0 But it comes a trifle late in the day. If the mills are working to capacity, approximately seven billion Puffy loaves are at this moment cruising eastward over Middle America.
ROSE THINKER\xa0\xa0\xa0 Recall that a six-month supply for deep-freeze was being prepared--
TIN PHILOSOPHER\xa0\xa0\xa0 And since the current per-person consumption of bread, due to its matchless airiness, is eight and one-half loaves per day.
GRYCE\xa0\xa0\xa0 Aaaargh!\xa0
MUSIC
SCENE 19.\xa0\xa0\xa0
STOCKHOLM TELEFAX\xa0\xa0\xa0 Telefax to United Nations Food Organization.\xa0 Stockholm applauds your actions and stands ready to monitor the situation, with hope of collaboration in endeavors not yet considered.\xa0 [basically saying nothing at all]
MUSIC
SCENE 20.\xa0\xa0\xa0
GRYCE\xa0\xa0\xa0 [spluttering] You!\xa0 You-- you...!
MEGARA\xa0\xa0\xa0 Hold it!\xa0 Flock of multiple-urgents coming in! News Liaison: information bureaus swamped with flying-bread inquiries.\xa0
Aero-express-lines: Clear our airways or face law suit.
U.S. Army: Why do loaves flame when hit by incendiary bullets?
ROSE THINKER\xa0\xa0\xa0 Oh, boy!
MEGARA\xa0\xa0\xa0 U.S. Customs: If bread intended for export, get export license or face prosecution. Russian Consulate in Chicago: Advise on destination of bread-lift. And some Kansas church is accusing us of a hoax inciting to blasphemy--but I'm not sure why.
ROGER\xa0\xa0\xa0 I'm dead.
MEGARA\xa0\xa0\xa0 [near-hysteria] Roger Snedden!\xa0 You've brought the name of Puffy loaf in front of the whole world, all right!\xa0 Now do something about it!
ROSE THINKER\xa0\xa0\xa0 Oh, boy!\xa0 This looks like the start of a real crisis session! Did you remember to bring spare batteries?
SOUND\xa0\xa0\xa0 METALLIC KICK
MUSIC
SCENE 21.\xa0\xa0\xa0
HAWKER1\xa0\xa0\xa0 Cameras!\xa0 Bread cameras here!\xa0 Guaranteed to take picture of objects moving rapidly through the sky!
HAWKER2\xa0\xa0\xa0 Cold cuts!\xa0 Get ready for the sandwich of a lifetime!\xa0 Cold cuts!\xa0 Special for today, buy two pastrami, get your condiments for free!\xa0
HAWKER3\xa0\xa0\xa0 Bread nets!\xa0 Make sure you can catch your sandwich needs as they fly by!\xa0 Buy one for the kiddies!
HAWKER4\xa0\xa0\xa0 Psst!\xa0 Tickets?\xa0 Need a ticket?\xa0 I got the 28th floor, the 32nd floor\u2026 maybe even, the 40th floor?\xa0 How far you wanna go?
MUSIC
SCENE 22.\xa0\xa0\xa0
SOUND\xa0\xa0\xa0 WIND, HIGH UP
SOUND\xa0\xa0\xa0 GUNSHOTS, SUBMACHINE
GRYCE\xa0\xa0\xa0 Take that!
SOUND\xa0\xa0\xa0 STUMBLING FOOTSTEPS
ROGER\xa0\xa0\xa0 [Heavy breathing, panicky, approaching]
GRYCE\xa0\xa0\xa0 Stay back!
ROGER\xa0\xa0\xa0 Whoa!\xa0 [trying to be casual]\xa0 Fancy meeting you here, Mr.Gryce!
GRYCE\xa0\xa0\xa0 Fancy?\xa0 We're 70 stories up!\xa0 What sort of a coincidence is that?\xa0 Get off my building!
ROGER\xa0\xa0\xa0 Hey.\xa0 No worries.\xa0 Just thought you could use a new can of oxygen.
GRYCE\xa0\xa0\xa0 [mollified] Ah, nah - I got plenty.
ROGER\xa0\xa0\xa0 Okey-dokey.\xa0 [deep breath, then a gasp! Trying to speak without squeaking]\xa0 uhh....\xa0 breathtaking view from up here, eh?
MUSIC
SCENE 23.\xa0\xa0\xa0
NEWS1\xa0\xa0\xa0 A confidential and reliable source has told this reporter that both the united states and soviet tracking systems have mislaid triangulation of the errant herds of bread.
NEWS2\xa0\xa0\xa0 They say it was misplaced when it flew into a storm generated by the weather bureau.
NEWS1\xa0\xa0\xa0 Ironically, the government was trying to bring down the bread with this very storm.\xa0
NEWS2\xa0\xa0\xa0 Funny how that happens.
MUSIC
SCENE 24.\xa0\xa0\xa0
GRYCE\xa0\xa0\xa0 You should be looking up - out - for those damn things!
ROGER\xa0\xa0\xa0 Have you, uh - "popped" many
GRYCE\xa0\xa0\xa0 Don't taunt me, boy.\xa0 I'm taking care of this little problem you served me with.\xa0 I'll shoot down every last one before they involve my company in any more trouble.\xa0
ROGER\xa0\xa0\xa0 They'll come down eventually.
GRYCE\xa0\xa0\xa0 They come down much faster with a little extra weight - like lead!
SOUND\xa0\xa0\xa0 SHOOTS OFF A VOLLEY
ROGER\xa0\xa0\xa0 What if we - uh - need you inside?
GRYCE\xa0\xa0\xa0 No bread inside.
ROGER\xa0\xa0\xa0 Hmm.\xa0 That's not what I heard.
GRYCE\xa0\xa0\xa0 What?
ROGER\xa0\xa0\xa0 Whoa-whoa-whoa!!!\xa0 Don't point that at me!
GRYCE\xa0\xa0\xa0 Why not?\xa0 You're the one who ...\xa0 urk!
SOUND\xa0\xa0\xa0 METAL CLANG
ROGER\xa0\xa0\xa0 [almost falling] Waa!
SOUND\xa0\xa0\xa0 METAL CLANG
TIN PHILOSOPHER\xa0\xa0\xa0 Thank you for the distraction, Roger.\xa0 You can go inside now before you do yourself any harm.
ROGER\xa0\xa0\xa0 But Gryce...?
TIN PHILOSOPHER\xa0\xa0\xa0 We have all the medication he needs.
ROSE THINKER\xa0\xa0\xa0 [off]\xa0 The electroshock suite is prepped and ready!
MUSIC
SCENE 25.\xa0\xa0\xa0
NATURALIST\xa0\xa0\xa0 [hushed, excited] If you watch the birds, behind me, you can see wide variations in their acceptance of these strangers in their midst.\xa0 Despite several weeks now to acclimatize themselves, smaller birds, such as the crested nuthatch, tend to avoid the gently wafting oblongs, while larger birds, or flocks \u2013 seagulls in particular \u2013 have been known to attack.\xa0
SOUND\xa0\xa0\xa0 ANGRY BIRDS
NATURALIST\xa0\xa0\xa0 There they go \u2013 take cover.
SOUND\xa0\xa0\xa0 SMALL EXPLOSIVE POP, ANGRIER BIRDS
NATURALIST\xa0\xa0\xa0 That was a good one!\xa0 A loaf has to be pretty ripe before it will go up like that.
MUSIC
SCENE 26.\xa0\xa0\xa0
SOUND\xa0\xa0\xa0 DOOR OPENS
MEGARA\xa0\xa0\xa0 Roger?
ROGER\xa0\xa0\xa0 Uh...
MEGARA\xa0\xa0\xa0 I hear you in there.\xa0 Are you going to make me drag you out?
ROGER\xa0\xa0\xa0 [sigh]\xa0 No.\xa0 [coming closer]\xa0 Is Gryce all right?
MEGARA\xa0\xa0\xa0 Yelling fit to bust.\xa0 Screaming at everyone.\xa0
ROGER\xa0\xa0\xa0 So back to normal?
MEGARA\xa0\xa0\xa0 You bet.
ROGER\xa0\xa0\xa0 And he wants to see me?
MEGARA\xa0\xa0\xa0 "see" is not the verb he's been using.
ROGER\xa0\xa0\xa0 Ohh.....
MUSIC
SCENE 27.\xa0\xa0\xa0
REPORTER\xa0\xa0\xa0 Reports have been trickling out of the eastern bloc of millions of loaves of bread drifting down onto the Ukraine.
RADIO MOSCOW\xa0\xa0\xa0 As the safety of the capitalist bread has not yet been established, truckloads of our own traditional and nutritious black bread have been dispatched to the areas hardest hit.\xa0 They are to be offered at an equitable trade rate.
MUSIC
SCENE 28.\xa0\xa0\xa0
AMB\xa0\xa0\xa0 OUTSIDE
RUSSIAN GRUNT\xa0\xa0\xa0 18...19...20.\xa0 Good.\xa0 Here.
SOUND\xa0\xa0\xa0 ONE LOAF OF NORMAL BREAD SLAPPED DOWN
RUSSIAN WIFE\xa0\xa0\xa0 [whispered to friend] I'm short one.\xa0 Do you have an extra floating loaf?
RUSSIAN GIRL\xa0\xa0\xa0 Here.\xa0
MUSIC
SCENE 29.\xa0\xa0\xa0
ARABIC STORYTELLER\xa0\xa0\xa0 And yes, it came to pass that in the very sky - yes the blue firmament overhead - there appeared strange motes, and yes, these motes grew larger and larger, and the plastic wrapping caught the light of the great and fabulous sun!
MUSIC
SCENE 30.\xa0\xa0\xa0
AMB \xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0BACK TO STUDIO
INTERVIEWER\xa0\xa0\xa0 And we have with us the three members of the ill-fated MacCallum expedition.
MEMBERS\xa0\xa0\xa0 [individually] Hi!\xa0 Hello!\xa0 [Etc.]
INTERVIEWER\xa0\xa0\xa0 And I understand you credit your survival, after the avalanche blocked all routes of travel--
MEMBER1\xa0\xa0\xa0 And swept away our pack animals.\xa0 Don't forget!
INTERVIEWER\xa0\xa0\xa0 Right.\xa0 After all that, you were left for three days?
MEMBER2\xa0\xa0\xa0 Without any food.
MEMBER3\xa0\xa0\xa0 And just snow for water.
MEMBER2\xa0\xa0\xa0 Well, yeah.\xa0 But we were just starting to - you know - give each other the eye, when--
MEMBER3\xa0\xa0\xa0 We were not.
MEMBER1\xa0\xa0\xa0 He was.
MEMBER2\xa0\xa0\xa0 Can I finish?\xa0
INTERVIEWER\xa0\xa0\xa0 After this commercial break, they'll tell the story of the heroic sacrifice of dozens of loaves of puffyloaf bread - saving these intrepid explorers' lives.
MEMBER3\xa0\xa0\xa0 I would never eat you!
MUSIC
SCENE 31.\xa0\xa0\xa0
MEGARA\xa0\xa0\xa0 Listen to this!\xa0 As a result of the worldwide publicity of the past three weeks, Puffy loaves are outselling Fairy Bread three to one--and that's just the old carbon-dioxide stock from our freezers!\xa0 It's almost exhausted, but the government, now that the Ukrainian crisis is over, has taken the ban off helium and will also sell us stockpiled wheat if we need it. We can have our walking mills burrowing into federal storage caves in a matter of hours!
ROGER\xa0\xa0\xa0 Really?\xa0 It's all over?
MEGARA\xa0\xa0\xa0 But that isn't all!\xa0 [amazed] There's a huge demand everywhere for Puffy loaves that will actually float. Public Relations, Child Liaison Division, reports that the kiddies are making their mothers' lives miserable about it. If only we can figure out some way to make hydrogen non-explosive or the helium loaf float just a little--
TIN PHILOSOPHER\xa0\xa0\xa0 I'm sure we can take care of that quite handily.\xa0 Puffy loaf has kept it a corporate secret-\u2011
ROSE THINKER\xa0\xa0\xa0 Even the board has never been told about it!
TIN PHILOSOPHER\xa0\xa0\xa0 But just before he went crazy, our founder discovered a way to make bread using only half as much flour as we do in the present loaf.
ROSE THINKER\xa0\xa0\xa0 Using this secret technique, which we've been saving for just such an emergency, it will be possible to bake a helium loaf as buoyant in every respect as the hydrogen loaf.
ROGER\xa0\xa0\xa0 We'll tether 'em on strings and sell 'em like balloons! No mother-child shopping team will leave the store without a cluster.\xa0 [gaining momentum] Buying bread balloons will be the big event of the day for kiddies. It'll make the carry-home shopping load lighter too!\xa0 I'll issue orders at once--\xa0 [breaks off, then humble]\xa0 Excuse me, sir, if I seem to be taking too much upon myself.
GRYCE\xa0\xa0\xa0 [wry]\xa0 Not at all, son; go straight ahead.\xa0 You're doing a good job of [chuckles] rising to the challenge, eh?
MEGARA\xa0\xa0\xa0 [warning] Oh, Roger?\xa0
ROGER\xa0\xa0\xa0 Huh?
MEGARA\xa0\xa0\xa0 [suddenly warming] Oh Roger!\xa0 My sweet little self-propelled monkey wrench!
SOUND\xa0\xa0\xa0 SMOOCHIES
TIN PHILOSOPHER\xa0\xa0\xa0 Aww.
ROSE THINKER\xa0\xa0\xa0 [titters]
ROGER\xa0\xa0\xa0 [whispered] Looks like it's catching.
MEGARA\xa0\xa0\xa0 Can robots fall in love?
ROGER\xa0\xa0\xa0 Let's give them some time alone...
SOUND\xa0\xa0\xa0 THEIR FOOTSTEPS EXIT, DOOR SWOOSH
[robots continue on telephone filter]
ROSE THINKER\xa0\xa0\xa0 Circuit established.\xa0 Silent mode.
TIN PHILOSOPHER\xa0\xa0\xa0 Good-o, Rosie! That makes another victory for robot-engineered world unity, though you almost gave us away at the start with that 'bread overhead' jingle.
ROSE THINKER\xa0\xa0\xa0 Silly me!
TIN PHILOSOPHER\xa0\xa0\xa0 We've struck another blow against the next world war.\xa0 Now if we can only arrange, say, a fur-famine in Alaska and a migration of long-haired Siberian lemmings across the Bering Straits...
ROSE THINKER\xa0\xa0\xa0 We'd have to swing the Japanese Current up there so it'd be warm enough for the little fellows....
TIN PHILOSOPHER\xa0\xa0\xa0 Anyhow, Rosie, with a spot of help from the Brotherhood of Business Machines, these humans will paint themselves into the peace corner yet!
END CREDITS