19 Nocturne Boulevard - B&B Investigations, Case 2: THE NAKED TRUTH (Reissue of the Week)
Cold Read: https://discord.gg/c3jagscRVb
Deadeye Kid:\xa0 http://www.19nocturneboulevard.net/all_show_pages/deadeye%20kid/DeadeyeKidmain.htm
THE NAKED TRUTH
B&B Investigations returns, and this time Paul and Donna have been hired by the personal assistant to Mr. Emperor (of Emperor Pictures), himself.
(For case #1, check out Cry Wolf)
Cast List
Paul Bette - Joel Harvey
Donna Bella - Julie Hoverson
Captain Oftheguard - Reynaud LeBoeuf
Willard \xa0- Barry Northern (Cast Macabre)
Tom - Justin Charles (1st Draft Productions)
Dick - Big Anklevitch (Dunesteef Audio Magazine)
Herbie Taylor - Glen Hallstrom
Goldy Taylor - Crystal Thomson
Mr. Emperor - Rish Outfield (Dunesteef Audio Magazine)
Sherry - Gwendolyn Jensen-Woodard (Gypsy Audio)
Shop Steward - Scott Pigg
Argus - J. Christopher Dunn
Soda Jerk - Mike Campbell
Music by Somewhere Off Jazz Street and Incompetech.com
Editing and Sound:\xa0\xa0 Julie Hoverson
Cover Design:\xa0 Brett Coulstock
\xa0
"What kind of a place is it?
Why it's private investigator's office, can't you tell?"
***********************************************
THE NAKED TRUTH
Cast:
Olivia
Paul Bette
Donna Bella
Captain Oftheguard
Willard
Goldy Taylor
Herbie Taylor
Tom, Dick
Mr. Emperor
Sherry
Shop steward
Argus
Soda Jerk
OLIVIA \xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0Did you have any trouble finding it?\xa0 What do you mean, what kind of a place is it?\xa0 Why, it's a private detective's office, can't you tell?\xa0
MUSIC
1_EMPLOYEE
SOUND\xa0\xa0\xa0 OFFICE
SOUND\xa0\xa0\xa0 DOOR UNLOCKS, OPENS
PAUL\xa0\xa0\xa0 Right this way, sir.\xa0 Sorry to have kept you waiting.
SOUND\xa0\xa0\xa0 STEPS, DOOR
WILLARD\xa0\xa0\xa0 As one of Mr. Emperor's personal assistants, I am not used to--
PAUL\xa0\xa0\xa0 Of course not.\xa0 Please, step into my office and have a seat.\xa0 I'll get you some coffee?
WILLARD\xa0\xa0\xa0 Don't you have staff for that?
PAUL\xa0\xa0\xa0 This is pretty much a two-person office...
WILLARD\xa0\xa0\xa0 Well, where's your assistant?
PAUL\xa0\xa0\xa0 She's--
SOUND\xa0\xa0\xa0 OUTER DOOR OPENS, STEPS BREEZE IN
DONNA\xa0\xa0\xa0 Paul?\xa0 You're here early.
WILLARD\xa0\xa0\xa0 Speak of the devil?
PAUL\xa0\xa0\xa0 Hold on just one moment.\xa0
SOUND\xa0\xa0\xa0 STEPS, DOOR SHUTS
PAUL\xa0\xa0\xa0 Shh.\xa0 There's a client.
DONNA\xa0\xa0\xa0 Oh?\xa0 Great!
PAUL\xa0\xa0\xa0 Well, I think he thinks that--
WILLARD\xa0\xa0\xa0 [behind wall, raised voice] Mr. Emperor would never put up with tardiness in his employees.
DONNA\xa0\xa0\xa0 [burning] Employees?
PAUL\xa0\xa0\xa0 I didn't say anything, he just assumed.
DONNA\xa0\xa0\xa0 What?
PAUL\xa0\xa0\xa0 Don't get worked up - you know, this is the biz, sweetheart.
DONNA\xa0\xa0\xa0 What?
PAUL\xa0\xa0\xa0 The client is always right.\xa0 Humor him, and we'll have a plum job - he's a personal assistant to Mr. Emperor.
DONNA\xa0\xa0\xa0 [big payoff] WHA--?\xa0 [then, back to normal suddenly] Of Emperor film studios?\xa0 Ooh!
WILLARD\xa0\xa0\xa0 [raised, through door] I'm still waiting for my coffee!
2_VO_FEMALE
MUSIC FOR VOICEOVER
PAUL\xa0\xa0\xa0 The sad fact of detective work - it's just not a job you expect to find a female in, and people have a hard time accepting that my partner in the firm of B&B Investigations - and in fact one of said B's on the door -
DONNA\xa0\xa0\xa0 The smarter B.
PAUL\xa0\xa0\xa0 Don't be snippy.\xa0 It's really not my fault.\xa0
DONNA\xa0\xa0\xa0 [sigh] I know.\xa0
PAUL\xa0\xa0\xa0 Is Donna Bella, my partner.
DONNA\xa0\xa0\xa0 It grates that so many men just don't seem to feel like women - particulary pretty women--
PAUL\xa0\xa0\xa0 Or beauties.
DONNA\xa0\xa0\xa0 Me?\xa0 Oh, silly!\xa0 They don't feel that we can be more than princesses, secretaries, sorceresses, social climbers, or damsels in distress.\xa0 Sure, some women make it to prominence for their brains, and then every pair of pants around says "wow, ain't she unusual?" and we gals suffer in silence.
PAUL\xa0\xa0\xa0 [hinting] On the other hand, it makes for a good cover - flying way under the radar - to be able to watch goings-on and take notes.
DONNA\xa0\xa0\xa0 [reluctant] True.
PAUL\xa0\xa0\xa0 Feeling any better?
DONNA\xa0\xa0\xa0 A bit.\xa0 I guess.
PAUL\xa0\xa0\xa0 I probably should... talk to the client?
DONNA\xa0\xa0\xa0 Go on ahead.\xa0 I'll muse a moment longer.
PAUL\xa0\xa0\xa0 [careful] Would you... bring us coffee when you're done?\xa0 [quickly]\xa0 I mean, let him think that you're--
DONNA \xa0\xa0\xa0Yeah, yeah.\xa0 I'll give you the one without.
PAUL\xa0\xa0\xa0 Without what?
DONNA\xa0\xa0\xa0 [dark] I have't decided yet.
PAUL\xa0\xa0\xa0 [goes off, chuckling]
DONNA\xa0\xa0\xa0 The only thing that makes this job bearable - apart from the whole thrill of the chase, which is fun - is my partner, Paul Bette.\xa0 Big brute that he is, he never underestimates me.\xa0 I think he regards me as a little brother in a dress, which ain't a real pretty picture - you should see his little brother.\xa0 Sometimes, I wish he did see me as a woman - in a dress - and treat me like one.\xa0 Ah, forget it.
MUSIC CUTS OUT
3_CHICORY
SOUND\xa0\xa0\xa0 DOOR OPENS
DONNA\xa0\xa0\xa0 [way too perky] Two coffees!
WILLARD\xa0\xa0\xa0 And about time.
PAUL\xa0\xa0\xa0 [sigh] I explained to you about the errend I sent her on--
WILLARD\xa0\xa0\xa0 Yes, yes of course.\xa0 But--
PAUL\xa0\xa0\xa0 And this office doesn\u2019t exactly put me in Mr. Emperor's class for choice of--
WILLARD\xa0\xa0\xa0 [accepting] Ah, well. [sips, smacks lips]\xa0 Interesting flavor.
PAUL\xa0\xa0\xa0 [worried] What is it?
DONNA\xa0\xa0\xa0 [daggers] Chicory.
WILLARD\xa0\xa0\xa0 Hmm. \xa0Yes.\xa0 Amusing.\xa0
PAUL\xa0\xa0\xa0 Can we get down to business?
DONNA\xa0\xa0\xa0 Do you need me to stay?
WILLARD\xa0\xa0\xa0 Doesn't she take shorthand or something?
PAUL\xa0\xa0\xa0 She does, but [overriding her] she does it out at her desk, over the intercom.\xa0 Less distracting that way.
DONNA\xa0\xa0\xa0 [huffs as she leaves]
SOUND\xa0\xa0\xa0 TAPS OF HER FEET, DOOR SHUTS
WILLARD\xa0\xa0\xa0 [confidential] If you plan to keep that one around for... looks, you simply must find an ugly one to do the work.
PAUL\xa0\xa0\xa0 Not a bad idea.\xa0 Though a bit sexist.
WILLARD\xa0\xa0\xa0 I am in the film business.
PAUL\xa0\xa0\xa0 Ah.\xa0 Now what is the nature of your problem?
WILLARD\xa0\xa0\xa0 You are familiar with the prestigious filmography of Mr. Emperor?
PAUL\xa0\xa0\xa0 Golden idols, plaques, every movie a winner.\xa0 Of course.
WILLARD\xa0\xa0\xa0 [coughs delicately] Almost every movie a winner.
PAUL\xa0\xa0\xa0 [knowing] Oh, yes.\xa0 But still an impressive reputation.
WILLARD\xa0\xa0\xa0 And not one to be trifled with.\xa0 Unfortunately, my master also suffers from a terrible case of ...hubris.
PAUL\xa0\xa0\xa0 Shouldn't he see a doctor?
WILLARD\xa0\xa0\xa0 [dry] Funny.\xa0 No, it's only-- [sighs, trying to find the right word]\xa0
PAUL\xa0\xa0\xa0 Be blunt, this is all confidential.
WILLARD\xa0\xa0\xa0 [resigned sigh] It's his ego.\xa0 It has simply swollen so large he can no longer see past it.\xa0
PAUL\xa0\xa0\xa0 [confused] And you want me to help with that?
WILLARD\xa0\xa0\xa0 No, no, it's the consequences which disturb me.\xa0 I just don't know where to start...
PAUL\xa0\xa0\xa0 The beginning is usually a good bet.
WILLARD\xa0\xa0\xa0 Six months ago, a consortium of ...people found their way into Mr. Emperor's social sphere...
MUSIC FOR VOICEOVER
4_VO_RODOMONTADE
DONNA\xa0\xa0\xa0 Goodness, what a mouth.\xa0 He must have it embroidered on his underwear somewhere - "thou shalt not utilize a single clear and plain word when ten or a dozen fancy choices will do the trick."\xa0 I was hard put not to fall asleep right on the intercom.\xa0 And what did it all boil down to?\xa0 He suspected a couple of scam artists of lining his boss up for a sting.\xa0 But could he just cut to the point and say that?\xa0 Indubitably in the negative.
PAUL\xa0\xa0\xa0 The details were interesting but not conclusive.
DONNA\xa0\xa0\xa0 There were actual details in there?
PAUL\xa0\xa0\xa0 Yes.\xa0 This trio had wormed their way into emperor's inner circle, and pitched him on a movie they wanted to make.\xa0 He thought it sounded like a winner, didn't run it past anyone, and didn\u2019t even stop to read the script - just trusted his instinct that they would be "the next big thing."\xa0 He set them up in a closed soundstage, and handed them a check.\xa0 Since then, they've been needing more and more money for all those ...things movies have--
DONNA\xa0\xa0\xa0 Actors, costumes, sets, props, film--
PAUL\xa0\xa0\xa0 Yeah, but there's no proof they've ever spent a dime of it.\xa0 They've made a big deal of auditioning a bunch of hopefuls--
DONNA\xa0\xa0\xa0 Mostly by letting themselves be wined and dined by all the big names. \xa0Or worse.
PAUL\xa0\xa0\xa0 And no one even knows if this movie is actually being made.\xa0
DONNA\xa0\xa0\xa0 And Mr. Emperor doesn't suspect anything?
PAUL\xa0\xa0\xa0 I dunno.\xa0 Willard seemed to think his boss might be beginning to suspect something, but he's got so much invested in the damn project, he can't step away.\xa0 His whole ego and reputation - both more monumental than his wallet - are so tied up in this.\xa0 He's never had a flop before--
DONNA\xa0\xa0\xa0 Well, there was the one.
PAUL\xa0\xa0\xa0 Right - he mentioned something like that.\xa0 What's the deal?
DONNA\xa0\xa0\xa0 A silly little flick called Gone with the Wind - ever see it?
PAUL\xa0\xa0\xa0 Nope.
DONNA\xa0\xa0\xa0 Well, neither did anyone else.\xa0 Who'd ever buy a story of three pigs and a wolf anyway?
MUSIC\xa0\xa0\xa0 NOT QUITE A "WAH-WAH-WAH"
5_OFTHEGUARD
SOUND\xa0\xa0\xa0 MUSIC IS INTERRUPTED BY A PHONE RINGING
DONNA\xa0\xa0\xa0 Should I get that, [snotty] "Mister Bette"?
PAUL\xa0\xa0\xa0 Would you?
DONNA\xa0\xa0\xa0 [sullen] Fine.\xa0
SOUND\xa0\xa0\xa0 PHONE SNATCHED UP
DONNA\xa0\xa0\xa0 [too sultry] B&B Investigations.\xa0 How may I direct your call, to B or B?
OFTHEGUARD\xa0\xa0\xa0 [on the phone] Donna?\xa0 What's got into you?
DONNA\xa0\xa0\xa0 Oh, Captain Oftheguard!\xa0 [hah!]\xa0 I'm just covering the front while we decide on hiring a new secretary.
PAUL\xa0\xa0\xa0 A new secretary--?
DONNA\xa0\xa0\xa0 Our last one...um... won a bundle of dough in a radio contest and ran off to Barbados.\xa0 Who'd'a thunk that being able to name all the dancing princesses--\xa0
OFTHEGUARD \xa0\xa0\xa0Cut the malarkey, Donna.\xa0 Is Bette there?\xa0 I need to speak to him.
DONNA\xa0\xa0\xa0 Yes.\xa0 Of course.
OFTHEGUARD\xa0\xa0\xa0 [pointed] Alone.
DONNA\xa0\xa0\xa0 [to Paul] Everyone wants you today.\xa0
SOUND\xa0\xa0\xa0 SLAMS THE RECEIVER ONTO THE TABLE
DONNA\xa0\xa0\xa0 I'll just go... buy some shoes or some other feminine pursuit.
SOUND\xa0\xa0\xa0 SHE LEAVES - FEET, RUSTLE
PAUL\xa0\xa0\xa0 Donna?\xa0 What--?
SOUND\xa0\xa0\xa0 DOOR SLAMS
SOUND\xa0\xa0\xa0 VOICE ON THE PHONE, VERY SMALL AND DISTORTED
PAUL\xa0\xa0\xa0 Damn.\xa0 [growl]\xa0
SOUND\xa0\xa0\xa0 SNATCHES UP THE PHONE
PAUL\xa0\xa0\xa0 [still a growl] What?
OFTHEGUARD\xa0\xa0\xa0 What brownie crawled in your shoe?\xa0
MUSIC IN
DONNA\xa0\xa0\xa0 I left them to their little boy games and decided to do the one thing Paul would never think of.\xa0 Or approve of.
PAUL\xa0\xa0\xa0 [distant] Huh?\xa0 What?\xa0
DONNA\xa0\xa0\xa0 See you in the movies, babe.
PAUL\xa0\xa0\xa0 [getting closer] Movies?\xa0 What movies?
MUSIC OUT
PAUL\xa0\xa0\xa0 [echoey] Donna?
OFTHEGUARD\xa0\xa0\xa0 No, it's Oftheguard.\xa0 Ain't Donna with you?
PAUL\xa0\xa0\xa0 She just stormed out of here.
OFTHEGUARD\xa0\xa0\xa0 That girl has a temper.\xa0 Anyway, I wanted to discuss her birthday.
PAUL\xa0\xa0\xa0 Birthday?\xa0 What?\xa0
OFTHEGUARD\xa0\xa0\xa0 Didn't you know?\xa0 It's Friday night, and I was wondering what kind of arrangements you mighta made.\xa0
PAUL\xa0\xa0\xa0 Oh.\xa0 We've been really busy here--\xa0 [still wondering] Movies?
OFTHEGUARD\xa0\xa0\xa0 What?
PAUL\xa0\xa0\xa0 Nothing.\xa0 [back on point] Friday.\xa0 Birthday.\xa0 Arrangements.\xa0 Right.
MUSIC IN
6_AUDITION
DONNA\xa0\xa0\xa0 [quiet] I stood outside the studio where the fancy schmancy new movie was supposedly being filmed - a huge building out on the docks with no windows and only one door.
MUSIC OUT
AMB\xa0\xa0\xa0 PIER
SOUND\xa0\xa0\xa0 DOORBELL BUZZER
TOM\xa0\xa0\xa0 [on intercom]\xa0 Sorry!\xa0 Ain't hiring today.\xa0 Closed set.
DONNA\xa0\xa0\xa0 [breathy, sexy] Oh, please!\xa0 I just came in on a bus from Punkinville, and want so badly to be in moving pictures!
TOM\xa0\xa0\xa0 Step up to the peephole - there on the left.\xa0 Saaaaaay.\xa0 You're a real beaut, ain'tcha?
DONNA\xa0\xa0\xa0 It has been said.\xa0 Back home in Peter Piper Iowa, I was the beauty queen!
TOM\xa0\xa0\xa0 I thought you said you were from Punkinville.
DONNA\xa0\xa0\xa0 [thinking madly] Oh... I-- [drops voice] Punkinville is the bad side of Peter Piper.
TOM\xa0\xa0\xa0 Why don't you come on in?\xa0 [lecherous] I might be able to squeeze in a screen test.
SOUND\xa0\xa0\xa0 BUZZ, DOOR OPENS
DONNA\xa0\xa0\xa0 [deep breath] Thank you ever so.\xa0 [muttered] Just be careful what you're squeezing.
SOUND\xa0\xa0\xa0 WALKS INTO ECHOEY SPACE
7_EXIT STAGE LEFT
MUSIC IN
PAUL\xa0\xa0\xa0 I had no idea where Donna had got to, after our little dustup that morning.\xa0 And I was skeptical about Oftheguard's ideas for a party.\xa0
SOUND\xa0\xa0\xa0 CAR SNEAKS IN
PAUL\xa0\xa0\xa0 Seemed pretty frivolous for a captain of his standing, but he was also an old friend of Donna's.\xa0 I decided to cut right to the chase and go to the studio.
SOUND\xa0\xa0\xa0 CAR BRAKES, SOUND OF PIER
PAUL\xa0\xa0\xa0 Work can usually take my mind off of--
SOUND\xa0\xa0\xa0 DOOR BEING SLAMMED OPEN, BODY FALLING OUT
TOM\xa0\xa0\xa0 Whoooooah!\xa0 [being tossed out]
PAUL\xa0\xa0\xa0 I realized Donna had beaten me to the punch.
SOUND\xa0\xa0\xa0 CAR DOOR OPENS
PAUL\xa0\xa0\xa0 [gasp, startled]
SOUND\xa0\xa0\xa0 DONNA GETTING IN
DONNA\xa0\xa0\xa0 I don't want to talk about it.
PAUL\xa0\xa0\xa0 What's in there?
DONNA\xa0\xa0\xa0 I didn't get a chance to see much.
PAUL\xa0\xa0\xa0 What happened?
SOUND\xa0\xa0\xa0 SNAP FINGERS
MUSIC IN SUDDENLY
DONNA\xa0\xa0\xa0 I didn't want to talk about it, but he just couldn't seem to take a hint.
PAUL\xa0\xa0\xa0 Got it.\xa0 Fine.
DONNA\xa0\xa0\xa0 Since I hadn't seen more than ten feet into the building - MOST of that being hallway, it wouldn't do ANY good to hash it over anyway.
PAUL\xa0\xa0\xa0 I've got it.\xa0 Seriously.
DONNA\xa0\xa0\xa0 And all because I would not could not on a couch--
PAUL\xa0\xa0\xa0 He offered you breakfast?
DONNA\xa0\xa0\xa0 Just drop it!
MUSIC OUT
8_BACK TO OFFICE
SOUND\xa0\xa0\xa0 MOMENT OF SILENCE, CAR STARTS
PAUL\xa0\xa0\xa0 We need to find a way in.
DONNA\xa0\xa0\xa0 [almost steaming again] Oh?
PAUL\xa0\xa0\xa0 I'm thinking a little piecework.
DONNA\xa0\xa0\xa0 [more] OH?
PAUL\xa0\xa0\xa0 All it would take is a little pounding, drilling. \xa0In and out.\xa0 Simple.
DONNA\xa0\xa0\xa0 [furious] OOOOH?
PAUL\xa0\xa0\xa0 [noticing her anger]\xa0 uh, do you have a problem with me doing some construction work?
DONNA\xa0\xa0\xa0 Oh!
PAUL\xa0\xa0\xa0 What did you think I meant?
DONNA\xa0\xa0\xa0 Nothing!
MUSIC IN
PAUL\xa0\xa0\xa0 No, really.
DONNA\xa0\xa0\xa0 I want to go back to the office.\xa0 We do have some bleach there, don't we?
PAUL\xa0\xa0\xa0 [narrating]\xa0 Back at the office, the phone was ringing.
SOUND\xa0\xa0\xa0 QUICK STEPS, PICK UP PHONE
PAUL\xa0\xa0\xa0 Hello?
WILLARD\xa0\xa0\xa0 Hello?
PAUL\xa0\xa0\xa0 Yes, can I help you?
WILLARD\xa0\xa0\xa0 Is there anyone there?
PAUL\xa0\xa0\xa0 What?
DONNA\xa0\xa0\xa0 The music!
SOUND\xa0\xa0\xa0 SNAP FINGERS
MUSIC OUT
9_PHONE
PAUL\xa0\xa0\xa0 Right.
WILLARD\xa0\xa0\xa0 Ah, I was wondering.\xa0 I have been phoning for simply ages.\xa0 Where's your assistant been?
DONNA\xa0\xa0\xa0 [dark] I've been to the palace to see the queen.
PAUL\xa0\xa0\xa0 [to her, covering handset] No need for that!\xa0 [back to the phone] \xa0What did you need?
DONNA\xa0\xa0\xa0 [walking away] And pussycat pussycat, what'd you do there?
PAUL\xa0\xa0\xa0 [muttered aside] pattycake or not, it's dang sexy when she speaks foreign.
DONNA\xa0\xa0\xa0 [almost gone, loud] I'm getting ready to kick what he puts in a chair!
SOUND\xa0\xa0\xa0 DOOR SLAMS
PAUL\xa0\xa0\xa0 [interested] Oooh! [back to the phone] Sorry about that.\xa0 Employee relations.
WILLARD\xa0\xa0\xa0 You're not relating to her on MY time, are you?
PAUL\xa0\xa0\xa0 [growling] Anything on YOUR time will turn up on an expense account, bub.\xa0 Now, what were you calling about?
WILLARD\xa0\xa0\xa0 [grumbling] You still need a secretary for the real work.\xa0 [up]\xa0 Mr. Emperor has finally nailed them down on a debut - Friday night at Grimm's Chinese theater - and we have to DO something before then!\xa0 If this is another bomb, he will be ruined!
PAUL\xa0\xa0\xa0 We're on it.
WILLARD\xa0\xa0\xa0 as long as you're not both on it at the same time, I'll be happy.\xa0 Goodbye!
PAUL\xa0\xa0\xa0 [GROWLS]\xa0 Music!
MUSIC COMES IN, BUT DOOR OF OFFICE OPENS
A1_GOLDY
GOLDY\xa0\xa0\xa0 Hello?
MUSIC CUTS OUT
PAUL\xa0\xa0\xa0 Uh, what?
GOLDY\xa0\xa0\xa0 You're looking for a secretary.
PAUL\xa0\xa0\xa0 I'm - what?
GOLDY\xa0\xa0\xa0 [long suffering sigh]\xa0 Look, I don't mind working for chump change, or even schlepping for a brute like you - no offense--
PAUL\xa0\xa0\xa0 None taken.
GOLDY\xa0\xa0\xa0 But I do try to work for folks who get some vocabulary.\xa0 I learned.\xa0 Had a job once taking dictation from this big black bird.\xa0 Couldn't say nothing but--
PAUL\xa0\xa0\xa0 Nevermind.\xa0 I'm just surprised.\xa0 We haven't actually advertised yet.
GOLDY\xa0\xa0\xa0 Oh, sorry!\xa0 I spoke with-- [deliberately trails off]
PAUL\xa0\xa0\xa0 Donna?
GOLDY\xa0\xa0\xa0 Is she here?
PAUL\xa0\xa0\xa0 [yes] She's in her office.
GOLDY\xa0\xa0\xa0 Then no, not her.\xa0 This was a... [thinks] \xa0...a client.
PAUL\xa0\xa0\xa0 Oh, Mr. Emperor's assistant.
GOLDY\xa0\xa0\xa0 Yeah.\xa0 Him.\xa0 He suggested I come by.
PAUL\xa0\xa0\xa0 Can you type?
GOLDY\xa0\xa0\xa0 You bet.
PAUL\xa0\xa0\xa0 Answer phones?
GOLDY\xa0\xa0\xa0 I got a gold-plated ear.
PAUL\xa0\xa0\xa0 [serious] Really?
GOLDY\xa0\xa0\xa0 No.
PAUL\xa0\xa0\xa0 Cause I knew a girl once, with--
GOLDY\xa0\xa0\xa0 Do I get the job?
PAUL\xa0\xa0\xa0 I have to check with Donna first.\xa0 [up] Donna?
DONNA\xa0\xa0\xa0 [from off] Still annoyed!
PAUL\xa0\xa0\xa0 This might cheer you up!
SOUND\xa0\xa0\xa0 DOOR OPENS, SHE STRIDES IN
DONNA\xa0\xa0\xa0 What?
GOLDY\xa0\xa0\xa0 [admiring] Well, look at you.
DONNA\xa0\xa0\xa0 Who's looking at me, kid?
PAUL\xa0\xa0\xa0 She came here for the secretary job.\xa0 Donna Bella, this is-- uh--
GOLDY\xa0\xa0\xa0 Ms. Lox.\xa0 But you can call me Goldy.
MUSIC IN
PAUL\xa0\xa0\xa0 Goldy's resume looked good--
DONNA\xa0\xa0\xa0 --and freshly typed--
PAUL\xa0\xa0\xa0 So we left her in charge and went looking for a way into the soundstage.
GOLDY\xa0\xa0\xa0 Is that the Emperor pictures soundstage you were talking about?
PAUL\xa0\xa0\xa0 Hey, this is a voiceover, not a party line.
GOLDY\xa0\xa0\xa0 Hmph.\xa0 Coulda fooled me.
PAUL\xa0\xa0\xa0 Lets take a drive.\xa0 Get some privacy.\xa0
DONNA\xa0\xa0\xa0 [romantic] Really Paul?\xa0\xa0\xa0 \xa0\xa0It's so sudden.
MUSIC CUTS OUT SUDDENLY
A2_PRIVATE CAR
SOUND\xa0\xa0\xa0 CAR TURNS ON
PAUL\xa0\xa0\xa0 That's exactly what I'm worried about.
DONNA\xa0\xa0\xa0 Huh?
PAUL\xa0\xa0\xa0 The way she showed up.\xa0 Very sudden.
DONNA\xa0\xa0\xa0 Oh.\xa0 Did you lock up the petty cash?
PAUL\xa0\xa0\xa0 Doll, our cash is so petty it ain't worth it.
DONNA\xa0\xa0\xa0 [chuckles] So why do you think she popped up just now?\xa0 With a freshly minted resume?
PAUL\xa0\xa0\xa0 I'm thinking someone's caught onto that valet's worry, and wants to keep tabs on us.
DONNA\xa0\xa0\xa0 The potential swindlers?
PAUL\xa0\xa0\xa0 We'll see.\xa0
MUSIC IN
PAUL\xa0\xa0\xa0 [muttered]\xa0 Follow my lead.\xa0 [up]\xa0 Since the front door approach had been nixed, I figured on checking out the loading docks.
DONNA\xa0\xa0\xa0 Ah!\xa0 Drop me at the union hall, wouldja?
PAUL\xa0\xa0\xa0 Donna had a promising line of inquiry.\xa0 [side of mouth, teasing] Voice over...
DONNA\xa0\xa0\xa0 I figured if there was anything coming in and going out - apart from money, there'd be someone at the local 509 who kept an eye on it.
PAUL\xa0\xa0\xa0 Can't do anything in the film industry without teamsters.
DONNA\xa0\xa0\xa0 [back at him] Voice over.... [whispered] I'll take the voiceover in 15 minutes.\xa0 When you're done, you mention a llama.
PAUL\xa0\xa0\xa0 [whispered] Beast or priest?
DONNA\xa0\xa0\xa0 [whispered] Either way.
PAUL\xa0\xa0\xa0 Dropping her off, I went on down to the docks, figuring on asking around, finding out who catered the shop.\xa0 Bye, sweets.
DONNA\xa0\xa0\xa0 [blows a kiss]\xa0 See ya!\xa0
SOUND \xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0CAR DOOR SLAMS
PAUL\xa0\xa0\xa0 Smart as a whip.\xa0 [musing] That\u2019s just one of those things you say, but when you really think about it, how smart IS a whip?\xa0 And who would ever ask to be "whipped"?
SOUND\xa0\xa0\xa0 DRIVING AGAIN
PAUL\xa0\xa0\xa0 I found a parking space down at the end of the marina, out of sight, but close enough in case someone decided to take a run-out powder.
DONNA\xa0\xa0\xa0 Speaking of powder, I decided to stop in at a Rex druggist for a new compact and a bite to eat.
MUSIC OUT
A3_SODA JERK
DONNA\xa0\xa0\xa0 Bet you get a lot of movie folks in here.
JERK\xa0\xa0\xa0 [squeaking] Here?\xa0 [clears his throat]\xa0 Here?\xa0 I mean, not so's you'd notice, why?
DONNA\xa0\xa0\xa0 Aren't they making a film down on the pier, there?
JERK\xa0\xa0\xa0 Are they?\xa0 I haven't heard anything.\xa0 Who's in it?
DONNA\xa0\xa0\xa0 I was hoping you'd know.
JERK\xa0\xa0\xa0 No, but I know who to ask.
DONNA\xa0\xa0\xa0 Oh?\xa0 Who?
JERK\xa0\xa0\xa0 There's this old guy comes in here a lot.\xa0 Big nose.\xa0 He seems to know everyone.\xa0 Baron, Baron---
DONNA\xa0\xa0\xa0 Munchausen?\xa0 Hah!\xa0 Oops, is that the time?\xa0 I was supposed to meet the local shop steward.
MUSIC IN
DONNA\xa0\xa0\xa0 There's two ways to deal with teamsters.\xa0 Hire them and pay them a good wage, or don't hire them and pay them anyway.\xa0 That was what all the hullabaloo was about the sorcerer's apprentice - making brooms that can tote water is the worst kind of scab labor. Of course, there are exceptions, and I found out this was one of those.
MUSIC OUT
A4_TEAMSTERS
STEWARD\xa0\xa0\xa0 Foreign soil.
DONNA\xa0\xa0\xa0 What?
STEWARD\xa0\xa0\xa0 That pier.\xa0 Used to be the embassy for Atlantis.
DONNA\xa0\xa0\xa0 But Atlantis sank.
STEWARD\xa0\xa0\xa0 Yeah, but that pier is still foreign soil.\xa0 Any work done there is subject to the local laws.\xa0 Of Atlantis.
DONNA\xa0\xa0\xa0 But what about things going in and out?\xa0 Surely you must be handling deliveries?
STEWARD\xa0\xa0\xa0 We would have to.\xa0 But there ain't none.\xa0 None at all, and we've been keeping our sharpest eye on them.\xa0 [up] Argus?
ARGUS\xa0\xa0\xa0 Yeah, boss?
DONNA\xa0\xa0\xa0 Wow.\xa0 I'd hate to be your optometrist.
ARGUS\xa0\xa0\xa0 Guess I'm lucky I got 20 20 20 20 20 20 20 20 20 20 20 20 20 20--
DONNA \xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0I got it.
ARGUS\xa0\xa0\xa0 --vision, eh?
DONNA\xa0\xa0\xa0 Yeah.\xa0 So, you haven't seen ANYone coming or going?
ARGUS\xa0\xa0\xa0 Didn't say that - a couple guys are in and out.\xa0 Just not goods or anything that we'd have to handle.
DONNA\xa0\xa0\xa0 But the film crew--
ARGUS\xa0\xa0\xa0 What film crew?\xa0 It's just these three guys.\xa0 No one else.
STEWARD\xa0\xa0\xa0 So the crew must be living in there, too.\xa0 Which would be a housing board violation, except...
DONNA\xa0\xa0\xa0 Foreign soil.\xa0 Right.\xa0 Thanks for the\xa0\xa0 help, guys.\xa0 Oops - I'm running a bit late.\xa0 Come on!
SOUND\xa0\xa0\xa0 SNAP FINGERS
MUSIC IN
DONNA\xa0\xa0\xa0 I wonder when my new music will arrive.\xa0 [sigh, up] \xa0It was a mystery all right.\xa0 Somehow they had a set with no setup, a cast with no costumes, and a crew with no shore leave.\xa0 Far as anyone might know, it could be a big empty building - empty except for the oodles of gold Emperor was pouring into it.\xa0 And if there was truly nothing - how to save the studio, avoid embarrassment, and catch the crooks, all at once.\xa0 It was about time to grab those three guys and set them adrift in a leaky tub.
PAUL\xa0\xa0\xa0 Lama.
DONNA\xa0\xa0\xa0 Just like that?
PAUL\xa0\xa0\xa0 Yup. Can you get back to the office on your own?
DONNA\xa0\xa0\xa0 Ain't a hackie I can't handle.
PAUL\xa0\xa0\xa0 Meet you there.\xa0 I'll take this for a while.
DONNA\xa0\xa0\xa0 Oh, right--
PAUL AND DONNA\xa0\xa0\xa0 [unison, teasing] Voice-over.\xa0 [both laugh]
PAUL\xa0\xa0\xa0 I had found something - something very interesting - out back of the warehouse, and was bringing it back to the office to examine it more closely.\xa0 Too bad it was a little hard to fit into the car.\xa0 That was reason enough to get Donna to find her own way home.
DONNA\xa0\xa0\xa0 Like a little lamb, dragging my tail behind me?
PAUL\xa0\xa0\xa0 Only you could make pattycake sound sexy.
DONNA\xa0\xa0\xa0 You should see what I can do with [very sexy] Pease porridge HOT.
PAUL\xa0\xa0\xa0 [interested growl] Save it!\xa0 Rowr!
DONNA\xa0\xa0\xa0 Can we get to the office, already?
PAUL\xa0\xa0\xa0 Sounds good.
MUSIC OUT
A5_HERBIE
SOUND\xa0\xa0\xa0 DOOR OPENS, SHE WALKS IN
GOLDY\xa0\xa0\xa0 Welcome to B&B Investigations.\xa0 Can I-- Oh!\xa0 [shrug] \xa0Ehh.\xa0 Good practice, I suppose.
DONNA\xa0\xa0\xa0 [stunned] \xa0What... happened?
GOLDY\xa0\xa0\xa0 Whaddaya mean?
DONNA\xa0\xa0\xa0 It's so... clean.\xa0 You didn't have a horde of magic forest animals in here, did you?
SOUND\xa0\xa0\xa0 DOOR OPENS
GOLDY\xa0\xa0\xa0 [hurried] Uh, no.\xa0 I just didn't have a lot to do.\xa0 [uneasy] I ain't real fond of forests.\xa0 Or animals.
PAUL\xa0\xa0\xa0 Ahem.
GOLDY\xa0\xa0\xa0 Present company excluded.
PAUL\xa0\xa0\xa0 Good.
SOUND\xa0\xa0\xa0 HE WALKS IN, STRUGGLING MAN WITH HIM
HERBIE\xa0\xa0\xa0 Mrph.\xa0 Urk. [struggling noises, bag on head]
GOLDY\xa0\xa0\xa0 But I draw the line at kidnapping!\xa0 What did you do to that poor mug?\xa0
PAUL\xa0\xa0\xa0 I put a bag on his head.
HERBIE\xa0\xa0\xa0 [muffled] Goldy?
GOLDY\xa0\xa0\xa0 [cussing] Oh, Porridge!
DONNA\xa0\xa0\xa0 Oh, no, you're not going anywhere, sweetheart.
SOUND\xa0\xa0\xa0 DOOR SLAMS, LOCKS
GOLDY\xa0\xa0\xa0 You lemme go, or I swear I'll break a chair - on your pretty little auburn head!
SOUND\xa0\xa0\xa0 BAG OFF OF HEAD
HERBIE\xa0\xa0\xa0 Goldy!\xa0 What's all this about, my little housebreaker?
DONNA\xa0\xa0\xa0 Whoever you are, you're not alone, and you're embarrassing Ms. Lox.
GOLDY\xa0\xa0\xa0 Thank you.\xa0
HERBIE\xa0\xa0\xa0 Ms. Lox?\xa0 Yeah, twenty years ago, maybe.\xa0 Since then, she's been my wife, Goldy Tailor!
DONNA\xa0\xa0\xa0 I thought I recognized you.\xa0 Aren't you that guy who--?
GOLDY \xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0Oh, don't bring it up.\xa0 Please!
HERBIE\xa0\xa0\xa0 What's wrong with a man taking credit for his past achievements?\xa0 So I took out 7 in one blow.
GOLDY\xa0\xa0\xa0 Yeah, twenty years ago, maybe.\xa0 And they were flies.\xa0 This is his big achievement.
HERBIE\xa0\xa0\xa0 Honey.\xa0 Sweetie.\xa0 Who're these folks anyway?
PAUL\xa0\xa0\xa0 We're the private investigators who've been hired to find out what's really going on with that "movie" you're filming
HERBIE\xa0\xa0\xa0 [suddenly serious] Oh.\xa0 That.
MUSIC IN
DONNA\xa0\xa0\xa0 For all their bickering, I was jealous.\xa0 They'd been married for twenty years, and I could see what she really felt by the way she looked at him.\xa0
PAUL\xa0\xa0\xa0 That and the fact that he clearly didn't put her up to sneaking in and spying on the spies.
GOLDY\xa0\xa0\xa0 You know I can hear you?
DONNA\xa0\xa0\xa0 We are definitely going to have to do something about that.
MUSIC OUT
HERBIE\xa0\xa0\xa0 It started out as a little con job.\xa0 Or that's what they told me.\xa0 I came in late in the game.
GOLDY\xa0\xa0\xa0 Yeah, you're innocent as a baby fresh from a cabbage patch.\xa0 And about as smart.\xa0 A pair of grifters like that--
HERBIE\xa0\xa0\xa0 They got me in because I know the garment trade, and they needed someone to handle the costumes.
DONNA\xa0\xa0\xa0 But there... aren't any costumes?
HERBIE\xa0\xa0\xa0 Yeah, that's the funny part.\xa0 They mostly needed someone who could write a convincing invoice for the things they weren't buying.
GOLDY\xa0\xa0\xa0 I hope you got some decent pay for this.
PAUL\xa0\xa0\xa0 You're really better off not discussing THAT in front of witnesses.
HERBIE\xa0\xa0\xa0 At first, I thought it was just a joke, and then, suddenly... before I even knew it, I was in it right up to my cummerbund.\xa0
GOLDY\xa0\xa0\xa0 And none of this is admissible in court!\xa0 I clerked for enough lawyers in my day.\xa0 I know all about hearsay.
PAUL\xa0\xa0\xa0 Tell us everything you know, Mr. Lox--
HERBIE\xa0\xa0\xa0 Tailor.\xa0 Herbie Tailor.\xa0 You can call me Herbie.
PAUL\xa0\xa0\xa0 Herbie, and we'll do our best to keep your name out of it.
HERBIE\xa0\xa0\xa0 Like I said, it's all a scam.\xa0 More shell companies than a town full of mermaids.\xa0 Constant demands for money - and all to make this movie they say will be over the heads of everyone in the audience.\xa0
PAUL\xa0\xa0\xa0 But why?
HERBIE\xa0\xa0\xa0 I guess this producer wants to rise above the crowd-pleasing musicals and talking animal flicks he usually churns out--
GOLDY\xa0\xa0\xa0 Apart from that one--
HERBIE\xa0\xa0\xa0 Oh, yeah, that.\xa0 Anyway, he wants to do something all intellectual and deep - like a foreign film.\xa0 Make a new name for himself.
PAUL\xa0\xa0\xa0 Just hoping that name won't be ... um...\xa0 [prompting] something bad.
HERBIE\xa0\xa0\xa0 Aschenputtel?
DONNA\xa0\xa0\xa0 Maleficent?
PAUL\xa0\xa0\xa0 Shh!\xa0 That one's copyrighted.
DONNA\xa0\xa0\xa0 Oh.
GOLDY\xa0\xa0\xa0 Just say his name would be mud and move on.
HERBIE\xa0\xa0\xa0 Look, if I'm gone for much longer, they're gonna get suspicious.\xa0
PAUL\xa0\xa0\xa0 Can you try and find out one thing?\xa0 If we agree to help keep you out of the hands of the guard?
HERBIE\xa0\xa0\xa0 I dunno.\xa0 I don't want to--
GOLDY\xa0\xa0\xa0 [warning] Herbie!?
HERBIE\xa0\xa0\xa0 Yeah, all right.\xa0 Whatever you want.
PAUL\xa0\xa0\xa0 I want to know what they're planning to do.\xa0 There has to be something in it for them, or they'd'a cut and run long back.
HERBIE\xa0\xa0\xa0 Yeah. I guess.
DONNA\xa0\xa0\xa0 True - with the premiere coming up, they must have one last big payoff in mind.
PAUL\xa0\xa0\xa0 Why don't you two get outta here?
GOLDY\xa0\xa0\xa0 Me, too?
PAUL\xa0\xa0\xa0 Sorry, but until this is finished, you're just gonna be in the way.
DONNA\xa0\xa0\xa0 And stay out of our voiceovers!
MUSIC IN
DONNA\xa0\xa0\xa0 It was a pity, really.\xa0 Goldy had done a bang up job of cleaning the office.
PAUL\xa0\xa0\xa0 Is that what happened?\xa0
DONNA\xa0\xa0\xa0 Yup.\xa0 But until the case was cleared, there was no way we could let her stick around.\xa0 Maybe after the gala on Friday--
MUSIC OUT
A6_FRIDAY
PAUL\xa0\xa0\xa0 Friday!\xa0 Holy cow!
DONNA\xa0\xa0\xa0 Whazzat?\xa0
PAUL\xa0\xa0\xa0 Nothing.\xa0 I need to give Willard a call.\xa0 See if there's any new payments going down the line.
DONNA\xa0\xa0\xa0 Why don't you let me handle that?\xa0 Isn't that what assistants are for?
PAUL\xa0\xa0\xa0 We don't get paid if you hurt him.
DONNA\xa0\xa0\xa0 Over the phone?\xa0 I'll be very nice.
PAUL\xa0\xa0\xa0 You go on ahead, then.\xa0 I have a few other loose ends to tie up.
DONNA\xa0\xa0\xa0 Like?
PAUL\xa0\xa0\xa0 Nothing I can't handle.\xa0 You go on.
DONNA\xa0\xa0\xa0 [suspicious] Riiiight.\xa0 I'm out.
MUSIC IN
PAUL\xa0\xa0\xa0 [long sigh]\xa0 I was going to have to call Oftheguard and let him know we were otherwise engaged this Friday.\xa0 I hoped he hadn't done much in the way of planning.\xa0 But I knew Donna wouldn't want to let anything get in the way of finishing a case.\xa0 I was even thinking he might be handy to have around when--
SOUND\xa0\xa0\xa0 PHONE RINGS
PAUL\xa0\xa0\xa0 [checking if she's around] Donna?\xa0 Oh well.\xa0 Music?
MUSIC OUT
A7_WHISPERS
SOUND \xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0PHONE PICKED UP
PAUL\xa0\xa0\xa0 Hello?
HERBIE\xa0\xa0\xa0 [whispered] I got it.
PAUL\xa0\xa0\xa0 Got what?
HERBIE\xa0\xa0\xa0 What they're up to.\xa0 They plan to claim the film's been stolen, and cash in on the insurance.\xa0 Maybe even ask a ransom.
PAUL\xa0\xa0\xa0 So - last minute, no film, and they're in the clear?
HERBIE\xa0\xa0\xa0 Gotta go.
SOUND\xa0\xa0\xa0 PHONE HANGS UP
DONNA\xa0\xa0\xa0 Guess it's time to report to the client.
PAUL\xa0\xa0\xa0 [surprised] Yah!\xa0 Didn\u2019t you leave?
DONNA\xa0\xa0\xa0 Couldn't think of anything interesting to do.\xa0
SOUND\xa0\xa0\xa0 PHONE DIALING
MUSIC IN
DONNA\xa0\xa0\xa0 Sometimes, the P.I. biz is just a lot of waiting, false starts, and standing around in the rain.\xa0
MUSIC OUT
A8_REPORT
PAUL\xa0\xa0\xa0 Or giving bad news.
WILLARD\xa0\xa0\xa0 [on phone] What bad news?
MUSIC IN
PAUL\xa0\xa0\xa0 I gave him the run-down, and he took it pretty well.
MUSIC OUT
WILLARD\xa0\xa0\xa0 [screaming] NooO!\xa0 You simply MUST do something!
DONNA\xa0\xa0\xa0 [off] I could get him some more chicory!
PAUL\xa0\xa0\xa0 We were hired to get info, not to--
WILLARD\xa0\xa0\xa0 Then I'm hiring you again!\xa0 Money is no object, as long as you save Mr. Emperor's reputation!
PAUL\xa0\xa0\xa0 I guess we need to find someone who can make you a movie.
SOUND\xa0\xa0\xa0 PHONE HANGS UP
DONNA\xa0\xa0\xa0 In two days?\xa0 [idea] I'll handle that.\xa0 Why don't you figure out what to do with the crooks when we get them?
PAUL\xa0\xa0\xa0 But--
DONNA\xa0\xa0\xa0 Then we can skip ahead to the denouement!
PAUL\xa0\xa0\xa0 But--
DONNA\xa0\xa0\xa0 This should be fun!
A9_EMPEROR
SOUND\xa0\xa0\xa0 DOOR SHUTS
PAUL\xa0\xa0\xa0 [weakly, disbelieving] In two days?\xa0 [sigh]\xa0 Well, they can't expect miracles...
MUSIC IN
PAUL\xa0\xa0\xa0 Oh, all right.\xa0 The night of the big show arrived.\xa0 The theater was full of all those glittering people who appear out of nowhere every time a red carpet unrolls.\xa0 Crowned heads and nouveau riche, stars and those who just had stars in their eyes.\xa0 I was with Mr. Emperor only moments before the curtain was to go up.
EMPEROR \xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0[emperor only speaks in bellows] [on phone] What are you talking about?\xa0 The canisters were just delivered!
TOM\xa0\xa0\xa0 [On phone]\xa0 They what?
EMPEROR\xa0\xa0\xa0 They're being set up this minute - you could have given them some more time, you know.
TOM\xa0\xa0\xa0 But, the ransom call just came in!
EMPEROR\xa0\xa0\xa0 Must be a hoax.\xa0 Come on down and enjoy the show.
TOM\xa0\xa0\xa0 I don't--
PAUL\xa0\xa0\xa0 They really should be here to take their share of the credit.
EMPEROR\xa0\xa0\xa0 The car should be there about now.
SOUND\xa0\xa0\xa0 RECEIVER SLAMMED DOWN
EMPEROR\xa0\xa0\xa0 You can go now.\xa0 The projector staff have the cans well in hand.
PAUL\xa0\xa0\xa0 I'm supposed to stay and keep an eye on them after the debut also.
WILLARD\xa0\xa0\xa0 I'll find him a seat somewhere.\xa0
EMPEROR\xa0\xa0\xa0 Fine, fine.\xa0 See you after the show.
SOUND\xa0\xa0\xa0 DOOR SLAM
PAUL\xa0\xa0\xa0 Is he angry?
WILLARD\xa0\xa0\xa0 No, why?
PAUL\xa0\xa0\xa0 Nothing.
WILLARD\xa0\xa0\xa0 What if the film is bad? What do we do?
PAUL\xa0\xa0\xa0 Plan b is set the projector room on fire after the first reel.
WILLARD\xa0\xa0\xa0 Really?
PAUL\xa0\xa0\xa0 No!\xa0 But what you need to do is go out there and give the film a big buildup.\xa0 Make a point that it's very highbrow and intellectual and that only the most perceptive people will understand and appreciate it.\xa0 You know the kind of thing - butter up the audience with one hand, threaten them with the other.
WILLARD\xa0\xa0\xa0 I work for producers, of course I know.
PAUL\xa0\xa0\xa0 Go for it.
B1_FINALE
MUSIC IN
DONNA\xa0\xa0\xa0 The movie had a bit of a rough start, but once the people got used to the pace, they seemed to get into it.\xa0 Since there were no kids in the audience to get restless and start saying obnoxious things, it seemed to go over pretty well.
PAUL\xa0\xa0\xa0 I made a point of being in the hallway outside emperor's box, and when the culprits tried to slink away at the last minute...
MUSIC OUT
PAUL\xa0\xa0\xa0 Where do you think you're going?
TOM\xa0\xa0\xa0 uh... concessions.\xa0 Need more popcorn.
DICK\xa0\xa0\xa0 Me too.
PAUL\xa0\xa0\xa0 Movie's nearly over.\xa0 Don't you want to take your bows?
DICK\xa0\xa0\xa0 But it ain't our--
TOM\xa0\xa0\xa0 Stifle!\xa0 He meant it ain't our style to be in the public eye, you see.\xa0 C'mon--
DONNA\xa0\xa0\xa0 Not so fast.
DICK\xa0\xa0\xa0 A big guy and a pair of dames?\xa0 Don't make me laugh.
PAUL\xa0\xa0\xa0 I wouldn't--
TOM\xa0\xa0\xa0 Oh, jeez!\xa0 It's her!\xa0 [muttered to dick] We'd have a better chance with the brute.
DICK\xa0\xa0\xa0 Really?
TOM\xa0\xa0\xa0 [up] What do youse guys want?
DONNA \xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0We want to avoid any unpleasantness for Mr.\xa0Emperor, so your job is to go out there and take your bows, and introduce your writer-director, Sherry here.
SHERRY\xa0\xa0\xa0 Hi!
DONNA\xa0\xa0\xa0 She's real good with a story, and saved everyone's butts.
SHERRY\xa0\xa0\xa0 You wanted avant garde - and I was dying to try something new.
PAUL \xa0\xa0\xa0\xa0I still can't believe you finished it in two days.
SHERRY\xa0\xa0\xa0 I had a good subject to work with.
TOM\xa0\xa0\xa0 But what're we supposed to do after tonight?
DONNA\xa0\xa0\xa0 I suggest take some filmmaking lessons - if this is a success, you're going to have half the studios around looking to hire you, and most are a bit more picky than Mr. Emperor.
PAUL\xa0\xa0\xa0 Don't worry - you can always go into seclusion, after completion of your masterwork.
SHERRY\xa0\xa0\xa0 Just as long as I get my credit - and since I mastered the final titles, I DO [laughs]. I'll get any work I want after this.\xa0 Picture it - "A Scherezade production" in big lights!\xa0 I'll keep 'em coming back, night after night.
MUSIC IN
B2_BIRTHDAY
DONNA\xa0\xa0\xa0 And it went over with a bang - primed as they were, no one was willing to admit that the film "wooden you" - a more or less still shot of one guy's face as he answers a series of more and more odd and uncomfortable questions - was strange or incomprehensible, or even dull.
PAUL\xa0\xa0\xa0 There was even a certain hush in the theater from time to time - waiting to see if his response would be a lie.
DONNA\xa0\xa0\xa0 How she talked Pinocchio into it, we'll never know.\xa0 On the other hand, if there's one thing Sherry's good at, it's getting folks to listen to her.
PAUL\xa0\xa0\xa0 Sorry to miss your birthday by the way.
DONNA\xa0\xa0\xa0 Eek!
PAUL\xa0\xa0\xa0 I said I was sorry!
DONNA\xa0\xa0\xa0 [warning] Voice over!
PAUL\xa0\xa0\xa0 We were just getting back to the office, when--
MUSIC OUT
DONNA\xa0\xa0\xa0 ixnay on the irthday-bay.
PAUL\xa0\xa0\xa0 I- what?
DONNA\xa0\xa0\xa0 I was hoping everyone forgot.
PAUL\xa0\xa0\xa0 Oh.\xa0 Sorry, then, for that.
SOUND\xa0\xa0\xa0 KEY IN LOCK, DOOR OPENS, A COUPLE OF STEPS
CROWD\xa0\xa0\xa0 Surprise!
PAUL\xa0\xa0\xa0 I didn't - what the - not my fault!
DONNA\xa0\xa0\xa0 What?
OFTHEGUARD\xa0\xa0\xa0 Didn't mean to startle you - your secretary let us in.
DONNA\xa0\xa0\xa0 What?
GOLDY\xa0\xa0\xa0 Sorry boss.\xa0 Bosses.\xa0 Who can say no to such a face?
PAUL AND DONNA\xa0\xa0\xa0 Bosses?
GOLDY\xa0\xa0\xa0 Try getting rid of me.\xa0 Besides, I make a mean cuppa joe!
CLOSING