19 Nocturne Boulevard - AULD LANG SYNE (parts 4-6 of 6) (Deadeye Kid #5) Reissue of the week
A quirk of fate brings both Lem and Fanshaw face to face with people from their pasts.\xa0 disagreeable reunions bring up disagreeable memories,
and show a taste of what makes a man into a gunslinger.
Written and Produced by Julie Hoverson
Cast List
Lemuel Roberts /Deadeye Kid - \xa0J. Spyder Isaacson
Clarence Fanshaw - \xa0J. Hoverson
~~~~~~
Grisham - Bill Hollweg \xa0(BrokenSea Audio)
Lisette Carmichael - Robyn Keyes
Commander Bannington - \xa0Glen Hallstrom
Scotty - Mike Campbell
Other Voices:
Episode 1
Bartender - Rick Lewis
Episode 2
Townsfolks - Mark Olson, Candace Behuniak, Big Anklevitch & Rish Outfield (Dunesteef audio magazine)
Episode 3
Juliet - Alexa Chipman (Imagination Lane)
Glen Hallstrom
Episode 4
Bandits - Big Anklevitch & Rish Outfield (Dunesteef audio magazine)
Piedmont - Russell Gold
Mr. Roberts - Jack Kincaid (Edict Zero)
Episode 5
Nanny - Jennifer Dixon
Bandits - Big Anklevitch & Rish Outfield (Dunesteef audio magazine)
Episode 6
Bandits - Big Anklevitch & Rish Outfield (Dunesteef audio magazine)
Mark & Connor Olson
Russell Gold
Cover Design:\xa0 Brett Coulstock
Announcer:\xa0 Glen "Ole Hoss" Hallstrom
Opening theme:\xa0 "The Wreck of Old '97" from public domain recording found on archive.org
Any incidental music:\xa0 Kevin MacLeod (Incompetech.com)
Editing and Sound: \xa0 Julie Hoverson
\xa0
No gunshots herald his approach.\xa0
No trademark left behind him when he leaves.\xa0
The Kid had his fill of notoriety in days gone by -
as plenty of empty boots can surely testify.\xa0\xa0
Some say he rides alone.\xa0
That's the Deadeye Kid.
******************************************************************
\xa0
Auld Lang Syne [DeK4]
EPISODE 1
MUSIC
1_ARRIVAL
SOUND HORSES, RIVER, BOAT TRAFFIC
LEM Largest town I been near in a good passel of time.\xa0 I hear tell it started out as a frontier fort, but the frontier moseyed west and left it a-setting behind.
FANSHAW Will it be safe?
LEM Safe?
FANSHAW I had rather assumed you were avoiding larger towns.\xa0 For ... notoriety's sake.
LEM Meaning I don't want be invited to a necktie party?\xa0 'at's part of it, though I'm purty sure I ain't never been posted in this territory.\xa0
FANSHAW Is it worth the risk?
LEM [shrug noise]\xa0 Time to time a man wants a bath and a night in a bed.
FANSHAW There are some distinct benefits to being deceased.
LEM [laughs]\xa0 \xa0 I don't gotta listen to you bellyaching about aches and pains and sleeping on the ground no more.\xa0 Never mind being all prissy and citified about finding you a comf'table bush now and then--
FANSHAW [rolling eyes]\xa0 Yes, yes.
LEM Sides, I'm outta coffee.\xa0 And low on shells.\xa0
FANSHAW [teasing] Heavens.\xa0 How DO you manage?
2_STROLLING
AMB IN TOWN
SOUND WALKING ON WOOD
LEM Lotta trade hereabouts.\xa0 Reckon I'll be able to get what all I need.
FANSHAW Lem!\xa0
LEM [voice low]\xa0 \xa0 We'll go on over yonder.\xa0 [beat] Must still be a fort within spitting distance.\xa0
FANSHAW I did notice that the old fortification appears to have become the mansion for an authority of some kind.\xa0
LEM Probly best to get my business done and skeddaddle.
SOUND SALOON DOOR OPENS, JUST OFF, PEOPLE COME OUT
FANSHAW I say.\xa0 Isn't it a bit early for a drink?
LEM [shrug] Three weeks.\xa0 Don't seem early to me.
FANSHAW I'll--
LISETTE [off a bit] Clary?
FANSHAW [stunned and horrified] Oh god.
LISETTE [off a bit] Clary?\xa0 I'd know that voice anywhere!
LEM Friend o'yourn?
FANSHAW [stiff, covering]\xa0 Old acquaintance.\xa0 Go on ahead!
LEM
3_SALOON
SOUND HE WALKS INTO SALOON
AMB SALOON
LEM One here.
SOUND DRINK POURED
BARTENDER There you go.
SOUND COINS
SOUND LEM DRINKS
GRISHAM [angry growl] Lemuel Roberts.
LEM [SPIT-TAKE]
SOUND GLASS SLAMMED DOWN
BARTENDER Something wrong, fella?
LEM [coughing, trying to clear his throat]\xa0 \xa0 Hit like a snakebite.
GRISHAM You look at me, you pissant slab of gun leather.
BARTENDER [sympathetic] Tarnation.\xa0 You need it yonked?\xa0 Barber can\u2011\u2011
LEM [finally getting clear] No, no.\xa0 I kin handle it.\xa0
SOUND COINS, GLASS DOWN
LEM \xa0 And sorry about the--
BARTENDER [dismissive] Ain't no nevermind.
SOUND MORE COINS
LEM Give me the bottle.
GRISHAM Now I found you, you could float a heap o rotgut and won't never drown me!
BARTENDER You drink more careful now, you hear?
LEM
4_LISETTE
AMB OUTSIDE
LISETTE [close, laughing] Oh, good lord, look at you!\xa0 Mustache and all.\xa0 Aren't you a little brigadier?
FANSHAW [acknowledging] Carmichael.
LISETTE Oh, how formal.\xa0 Just like at school.\xa0 What have you been up to Clary, dear?
FANSHAW "Fanshaw," if you please.
LISETTE And we used to be such chums.\xa0 However did you end up here?
FANSHAW I'm quite sorry to see that you are dead, Carmichael.
LISETTE [laughing] Oh, I rather doubt that!\xa0 You're only very sad to see that I'm here, aren't you?
FANSHAW Would you prefer that I said I am pleased to find that you died, since that would be the only circumstance that could ever have stopped you from tormenting every living soul around you?
LISETTE [not amused any more]\xa0 At least that would be closer to the truth.
FANSHAW Jolly good.\xa0 Happy you're dead.\xa0 Must get along.
LISETTE Don't run off so quickly, Clary!\xa0
FANSHAW [long breath of self-control]\xa0
LISETTE There's been no one interesting to talk to or listen in on for simply ages.\xa0
FANSHAW How unfortunate.\xa0 Must rush.
LISETTE I noticed you speaking to that fellow.
FANSHAW [quiet] Bloody hell.\xa0 [up]\xa0 I speak to a lot of people.
LISETTE I'm sure.\xa0 But he replied.\xa0 Might I speak with him as well?
FANSHAW I--
LISETTE Oh, just watch your face!\xa0 You're trying desperately to come up with a lie!\xa0 You never could hide anything from me, mustache or no mustache, silly Clary--
FANSHAW Stop calling me that.
LISETTE Oh, how I've missed these little moments with my dearest friends - ever since I made the leap.\xa0 I shall have to spend a great deal of time with you - and with your rugged looking friend.\xa0
FANSHAW [gritted teeth] Jolly good.
5_SALOON2
AMB SALOON
SOUND LEM DRINKS, SLAMS DOWN GLASS
GRISHAM I know you kin hear me, you toad-bellied worm.
SOUND CHAIR SHIFTS, KICKED OUT FROM TABLE
LEM [low] Sit.
GRISHAM What makes you think I'd sit with you?\xa0 You done went and killed me!
LEM That's one reason I'm plumb surprised to see you.\xa0 You went down all the way to Fayetteville - damn far north o' here.
GRISHAM I ... drifted.
LEM That's just what's got me hornswoggled.\xa0 Ain't no one drifts.
GRISHAM Well I did, and I's planning to get you back for what you done, one way or t'other.
LEM [sigh]
SOUND DRINK POURS
6_PIGS
SOUND PIGS
LEM Why'd you drag me out to the slaughterhouse?
FANSHAW That woman - ghost woman.
LEM An old flame?
FANSHAW Nonsense!\xa0 We knew each other as ... children.\xa0 She is-- [changing the subject] She is unlikely to follow us here.\xa0
LEM Spect not.\xa0 Womenfolks ain't fond of this sort of messy business.
FANSHAW [disgusted] Yes...
LEM So?\xa0 You'd best'a brought me here fer a reason.
FANSHAW Lisette Carmichael.\xa0 She [hard to say] is a person who likes to know things.\xa0 About other people.\xa0 She likes to --
LEM Hold a grudge?\xa0 Like a noose over yer head?
FANSHAW Aptly put. \xa0\xa0
LEM You cain't have much in the way of dark secrets, though, can you?\xa0 Leastways not no more.
FANSHAW You might be surprised.
LEM Who's she a-gonna tell?\xa0 [realizes] Oh.\xa0
FANSHAW And while I'm fairly certain you think you could overlook any past indiscretion on my\xa0 part, I don't doubt there are a few things that might shock even you.\xa0 Lord knows, she's not even above the occasional fabrication.
LEM [after a moment]\xa0 Did it involve a sheep?
FANSHAW What?
LEM Whatever it was you done.
FANSHAW \xa0 It isn't - it's not like that at all.
LEM [shrug] Sounds like we should jest ride on out.
FANSHAW What?
LEM Got my coffee, ain't no reason to lollygag.
FANSHAW You would leave?\xa0 Over this?
LEM I figger you saved m'life more'n once, and ain't much I can do in return.\xa0
SOUND WALKING IN MUD
LEM Let's get gone before you start a-thanking me.
7_BARN
AMB BARN
SOUND TACK, HORSES, ETC.
LEM You distract her, I'll get the gear.\xa0 Come and find me when you feel the pull.
FANSHAW Righty-ho.\xa0
SOUND LEAVES
GRISHAM Running away, eh?\xa0 Allus knew you'ure yella.
LEM [sigh]\xa0 You're lucky ain't no one about but us.\xa0 Otherwise, I wouldn\u2019t dignify none of that with an answer.
GRISHAM You kilt me!
LEM We had it out, fair and square.\xa0 I never shot no one in-- [breaks off, a bit choked up]\xa0 I never din't kill any one not a-gunning fer me.\xa0 Not on purpose.
SOUND LAST BIT OF TACKING UP
GRISHAM Are you saying I was asking fer it?
LEM I seem to recall you a-calling me out in the middle of a fairish game of cards.\xa0 Yellin blue bloody murder that I should step out and face you.
GRISHAM Well, yeah, but I was drunk.
LEM I din't do THAT to you neither.\xa0 You called me out, without no good reason agin me.
GRISHAM [losing some of his bluster] I fancied making a name for myself.
SOUND LEM GETS INTO THE SADDLE
LEM By shooting the Kid?\xa0 You ain't the first.
GRISHAM But you still kilt me.
LEM And I won't never forget none of it, but you got what you asked for, and not a jot more.\xa0 Blame providence if you cain't blame yerself, but don't put this guilt on me.\xa0 Hee-yaw!
SOUND RIDES OFF
8_DISTRACTION
FANSHAW Lisette?
LISETTE There you are!\xa0 Just like a naughty boy, running off to filthy places to get away.
FANSHAW So sorry.\xa0 Didn't have much choice.\xa0 My friend is quite fascinated by... hogs.
LISETTE Did you make a clean breast of it?\xa0 Or just warn him not to believe a thing I say?\xa0
FANSHAW You don't understand what you're threatening to do - you never did.\xa0
LISETTE So bothered over trifles!\xa0 How much people change!
FANSHAW Ruining someone's life never meant anything to you!\xa0 Do you recall poor Selfridge?
LISETTE Carmela?\xa0 Served her right.\xa0
FANSHAW She threw herself off a bridge!
LISETTE She also let herself be compromised!\xa0 I didn't put her in the family way, and she was the one lying and hiding--
FANSHAW Are you trying to imply that you are somehow in the right?\xa0 A champion of truth?
LISETTE Shall I point out what it is you are doing that flies in the face of nature?
FANSHAW History is replete with--
LISETTE Oh, spare me.\xa0 Next you'll be quoting Shakespeare.
FANSHAW Very well.\xa0 I shan't try and justify myself, but I will point out that whatever I am doing, it cannot be changed.\xa0 Being dead, there's not much one can do about such trifles.
LISETTE Then why should it be such a catastrophe were I to tell?
FANSHAW [beat] You've never had a real friend, only people who fawned on you in order that you would not reveal their shortcomings.\xa0
LISETTE [outraged] I--?\xa0 You--!
FANSHAW Kindly allow me to finish.\xa0 There is a certain camaraderie among men that simply does not - cannot - occur once a woman is involved.\xa0 Once you put your nose in, I fear it would never be quite the same.
LISETTE No doubt.\xa0 I'll just go and find your friend now, shall I?
FANSHAW [strange gasp, ending on a laugh]\xa0 No, but I think I shall.
SOUND FANSHAW LEAVING NOISE
CLOSING
\xa0
\xa0
\xa0
\xa0
Auld Lang Syne [DeK4]
EPISODE 2
1_MOSEYING
AMB OPEN COUNTRYSIDE, nighttime
SOUND HORSES WALKING
LEM I still cain't reckon how he got so far from where he-- I-- where we had it out.
FANSHAW How odd.\xa0 Have you ever encountered other ghosts who could travel?
LEM Present comp'ny only.
FANSHAW And we know the how and why of that.\xa0 Perhaps this fellow has a similar... arrangement?
LEM How?\xa0 And who with?\xa0 Ain't no one would carry that ugly cuss a dog's walk, let alone some hundred miles.
FANSHAW Well, every one of we "spirits" seems to be a bit different.
LEM Like your lady friend back there?
FANSHAW [sigh] From her current appearance and [disapproving] "costume", she had fallen on \u2011ahem- hard times indeed.\xa0 Possibly drifted west - whilst alive - in hopes of making something better for herself.\xa0
LEM Lot of people can say that, out this way.
FANSHAW [a bit snotty] Frankly I'm not surprised at her misfortune.\xa0 When you alienate all those around you, no one will step in to help if things take a turn for the worse.
LEM Cain't say I ain't never been that fella.
FANSHAW [chagrined] Oh.\xa0
MUSIC FOR FLASHBACK
NOTE Lem is younger, more cocky, more superior in the falshback - need to really show who he used to be
2_THE OLD KID
AMB SALOON
LEM Gimme two.
SOUND CARDS
LEM [pleased noise]\xa0 I'll see you and raise--
SOUND CROWD HUSHES
GRISHAM [snarling declaration] I hear tell the Deadeye Kid's here in town?
LEM [ignoring him, smug] Raise ten.
DEALER [shaky] Uh, Kid?
GRISHAM Which one o' y'all's sposed to be this weasel?
LEM Your call.
PLAYER1 [shaky] Um...\xa0 I fold.
LEM [chuckles]
PATRON1 How can he--?
Patron2 Shh!
SOUND HEAVY SPURRED BOOTS CROSS FLOOR, PEOPLE SCUTTLE OUT OF WAY
GRISHAM [heavy menace]\xa0 You the deadeye kid?
LEM [offhanded] I'm the man playing a nice civil hand of cards.\xa0 Mebbe you can hold your hosses there, whistle stomper.
GRISHAM Either you come out and face me now, or I swear'n I'm gonna shoot you where you sit.
SOUND CHAIRS SCOOTING OUT, PEOPLE LEAVING TABLE
LEM [long dramatic sigh]\xa0 Now that sounds a mite like a threat.
PLAYER1 [muttered] Uh, yeah.\xa0 I'm done.\xa0 Fergot my wife wants me home.
GRISHAM Are you coming, or am I shooting?
LEM If everyone's takin' leg, I guess I win by forfeit?
DEALER Um, I don't think anyone's gonna argue you on that.
GRISHAM You turn around now and face me, you yellow bellied dog!
SOUND MONEY BEING SHOVED TOGETHER
LEM Give the frog a chance to jump, knuckles.\xa0 Cain't just leave all this layin around.
SOUND G's GUN DRAWN AND COCKED
GRISHAM Now!
LEM [to dealer, cocky] You'll look after this til I get back?
DEALER .. certainly.
GRISHAM I'll do it!\xa0 I will!
SOUND CHAIR SLOWLY MOVES, LEM'S SPUR-STEPS, STANDS
LEM Rightchere in front of all these good folks?\xa0 And leave the dealer to clean up the mess?\xa0 [tsks]\xa0 Let's at least be civilized and take this on outside.
3_EASIER
MUSIC BACK TO NOW
SOUND HORSES WALKING
FANSHAW Seems as if it would be a great deal easier.
LEM Whazzat?
FANSHAW Shooting someone in the back.
LEM And killin a chicken's easier than takin down a buffalo, but ain't a thing to swell over.\xa0 Ain't no pride in the easy way.\xa0
FANSHAW Backshooting would gain you notoriety just as quickly.
LEM It's all about how folks look at you... and how they see you.
MUSIC BACK TO FLASHBACK
4_WARMUP
GRISHAM Are you stepping?
LEM What flavor of tarantula juice got you fit to wake snakes?\xa0 Milk?\xa0 [insulting that he can't hold his liquor]
GRISHAM [furious noise]\xa0 I got a pill to run you on, and I'm gonna chew back every moment of it.
LEM [to the crowd] Righchere's a rumbustious fellow for you.\xa0
SOUND DRINKS DOWN HIS LIQUOR, SLAMS IT DOWN
LEM Barkeep?\xa0 Have me a shot of top mark waitin.
SOUND WALKS OUT, SLOWLY
GRISHAM You look at me while I'm a talking to you!
LEM [walking out] You say somethin' more wheat than chaff, mebbe I will.
5_RATTLING
FANSHAW Were you trying to upset his equilibrium?
LEM What's that when it's at home?
FANSHAW uh - Throw him off - make him upset and more likely to make mistakes.
LEM \xa0 Yup.\xa0 There's as much head as hand in a proper showdown.\xa0 Not that this was one o' them.
FANSHAW Why not?\xa0 He called you out.
LEM He was halfway round on rotgut.\xa0 Not a nugget's chance agin me.\xa0 Even if he had all his [careful] equilibriums about him.
FANSHAW But you stepped out with him?\xa0 Even knowing he had no chance?
LEM A'course.\xa0 He wouldn't take no.\xa0 Drunk fellers who ain't gettin their way are as likely to shoot just about anyone.\xa0 I reckoned I was a-helpin, putting him down.
FANSHAW [a bit touchy] And you couldn't simply injure him or knock him out - he had to die?
LEM Ain't no place for fine feelins when there's a man with a gun a-facin you.\xa0 And ain't no time to aim all purty and shoot him just so.\xa0 You hit hard and put him down, cause if you don't, he'll do it to you.\xa0 That's the part you cain't get away from - one or t'other's likely for boot hill, and you GOTTA face it that way.
6_SHOWDOWN
MUSIC BACK TO FLASHBACK
SOUND OUTSIDE NOW
GRISHAM You ready?
LEM Why trouble yerself to call me out anyhow?\xa0 I kill someone yer riled over?
GRISHAM [duh] Yer the Deadeye Kid!
LEM [duh] Yep.\xa0 [beat] That's your sole entire reason?\xa0 You wanna walk in my boots?
GRISHAM No faster way to make a name, than laying out a name.
SOUND THEY MOVE TO EITHER SIDE OF THE SOUNDSCAPE
SOUND GUN BEING CHECKED, LEM
LEM And o'course it gots to be a callout.\xa0 [digsut, sarcasm] No one wants to be the next Robert Ford.\xa0 [man who backshot his friend Jesse James]
GRISHAM Come on!\xa0 Kick it up, Deadeye!\xa0 Less'n yer yellow!
SOUND LEM - DIRT PATTERS - checking the wind]
LEM [maddenginly cool] Oh.\xa0 I'm ripe and ready to drop.
SOUND TENSION NOISE, CROWD NOISE, THEN SUDDEN FLURRY OF GUNFIGHT.
SOUND G - BODY DROP
SOUND LEM - GUN INTO HOLSTER.\xa0 A MOMENT.\xa0 FEET WALK BACK UP INTO SALOON
7_ENJOY
MUSIC BACK TO NOW
FANSHAW [relenting a bit] I suppose it's very like being in battle - not a good place to have consideration for the other fellow.
LEM Have to ice over that pond.\xa0 Hard and cold.\xa0 Hard and cold.
FANSHAW I- I do apologize for sounding disapproving.\xa0 I want to assure you, it's the process that... well... seems so very pointless.
LEM [a litle lighter] Men'll be men.
FANSHAW But men can behave in a civilized manner!\xa0 Look at we Brits.
LEM [grunt - half laugh half dismissive]
FANSHAW Do you enjoy it?
LEM [very mixed feelings] Enjoy?
FANSHAW Throughout history there have been men who reveled in killing, in battle.
LEM \xa0 [musing] There's a fire that burns you at that moment, like bugs in the skin.
LEM S'like the best whiskey and the moment you almost fall off a cliff, and being with the love of your life, all at the same damn time.\xa0
FANSHAW The thrill of danger?
LEM That, but even more so.\xa0 If'n you just want danger, you go climbin cliffs or breakin broncs.\xa0 This is starin into the eyes of death - death right there and then and ain't no "maybe so" about it.\xa0 Kill or be killed.\xa0 [beat, then not quite truthful]\xa0 Enjoy?\xa0 \xa0
FANSHAW Sometimes a person's strength is in making the right choice, even when it might pain them to do so.
LEM I reckon.
8_WINNER
MUSIC FLASH BACK
AMB INSIDE SALOON, HUSHED
SOUND GUNSHOT, OUTSIDE
WOMAN [gasps]
SOUND [CROWD NOISE, OUTSIDE], THEN OMINOUS BOOTS ON WOOD, SALOON DOOR OPENS
SOUND PIANO PLAYS, CHATTER BEGINS AGAIN
LEM [voiceover]\xa0 there's also this way people have of lookin at you - like yer the best.\xa0 Used be I din't see the fear beneath it.
SOUND BOTTLE POURS, GLASS SET DOWN
BARTENDER Your shot, Mister.
LEM [drinks big, then bragging] My second shot in two minutes!
SOUND Forced laughter from the crowd, warps out a bit.
9_HUNKER
MUSIC BACK TO NOW
LEM [brisk] It's coming down dusk.\xa0 Need to find a place to hunker fer the night.
FANSHAW I shall keep an eye out for-- [dread] oh!
LEM Whazzat?
FANSHAW Look - the horizon!
LEM Signal fires, and a lot of em.\xa0
FANSHAW They're a little far off to get a better look at.\xa0 We shall... have to return, shan't we?
LEM Someone's gotta warn the town.\xa0 Whether it's injuns or sumpin else, looks like an ambush on the march.
FANSHAW [weakly] Surely the garrison maintains lookouts?
LEM Not so much that I saw.\xa0 They're purt near closed up shop, from the looks back there.\xa0
FANSHAW [heavy sigh]\xa0 Right, then.\xa0
SOUND DISMOUNT, SHIFTING A FEW THINGS FROM HORSE TO HORSE
LEM You worried about your lady friend?
FANSHAW She's neither a lady nor a friend.\xa0 But whatever she might have to say will matter to none but me.\xa0 [change of tone]\xa0 We are a couple of hours out.
LEM Horses ain't fresh, but I weren't pushin.\xa0 We can get back before them out there can get into spittin distance.
SOUND MOUNT OTHER HORSE
FANSHAW [resigned but determined] Shall we?
MUSIC
\xa0
\xa0
Auld Lang Syne [DeK4]
EPISODE 3
1_WONT SPOOK
SOUND READYING FOR BATTLE
LEM If'n you got a fresh horse, I kin go scout some fer you.
COMMANDER You've done enough already, stranger.\xa0 Ain't even your fight.
LEM I know where they're at, and I got some idea of where they're likely to be by the time I get back there.\xa0 Give me one horse ain't like to spook, and I'll--
COMMANDER I'll have to send a man along with you.
LEM That's fine.\xa0 Make sure he ain't like to spook neither.
2_LISETTE
SOUND [above scene plays out in the background]
LISETTE And here I thought you had run away and left me all alone.\xa0
FANSHAW [sigh] Why don't we step outside to have this conversation?
LISETTE \xa0 I like seeing what the "menfolk" are up to.\xa0 [frustrated noise] What I wouldn\u2019t give to be able to leave this rattletrap town.\xa0 I'm still not sure how you did that.\xa0 Or why you came back.
FANSHAW We had to warn the garrison.
LISETTE Always full of suprises, aren't you - and yet still sanctimonious.\xa0 Fanshaw, dear old chum.\xa0 Are you not afraid of what I might say?
FANSHAW Any concern you might cause me is negligible when weighed against the potential danger to others.
LISETTE [surprised laugh]\xa0 Hah!\xa0 All you superior little snobs, with your noses in the air!\xa0 And deep down, all just as afraid as the rest of us.
FANSHAW I've no idea what you're talking about, and I don't care to find out.\xa0 Whatever you plan to do, just get on with it.\xa0 We have a job to do.
LISETTE Wait!
FANSHAW [long sigh]\xa0 Yes?
LISETTE Shall I wish you "good luck"?
FANSHAW I doubt I shall need any.\xa0 But I thank you for the sentiment, Miss Carmichael, however grudgingly bestowed.
3_JULIET
FLASHBACK
JULIET Romeo, doff thy name, And for that name which is no part of thee Take all myself.
FANSHAW I take thee at thy word: Call me but love, and I'll be new baptized; Henceforth I never will be Romeo.
JULIET What man art thou that thus bescreen'd in night So stumblest on my counsel?
ROMEO By a name I know not how to tell thee who I am: My name, dear saint, is hateful to myself--
SOUND POUNDING
LISETTE Oh heavens!\xa0 Not again!
MAN [calling from off] Sorry.
SOUND POUNDING STOPS
LISETTE Try that scene again from the top.\xa0 Romeo?
FANSHAW [sigh] Yes?
LISETTE Couldn't you try to be a bit more ... masculine?
JULIET Oh, I like "him".\xa0 So terribly byronic.
FANSHAW I'll see what I can do.
4_SCOTTY
SOUND PACKING A HORSE
SCOTTY Sir?
LEM Yeah?
SCOTTY Private Scott.\xa0 Commander Bennington told me to report to you.
LEM [sigh] Right.\xa0 You ever shot that for real?
SCOTTY O'course.
LEM Against a person?
SCOTTY Well, against animals.
LEM
GRISHAM Not everyone can be you.
LEM [sighs]
SCOTTY Don't you worry!\xa0 I ain't afraid!
GRISHAM This pullet ain't even got pinfeathers yet.\xa0 You get him killed, you gonna adda a notch fer him too?
LEM You got a horse, Scott?
SCOTTY Everyone calls me Scotty.
GRISHAM Later, they'll just call him dead.
LEM \xa0 Right.\xa0 You gotta horse?
SCOTTY Over there.
GRISHAM [rueful] My damn horse.\xa0 Serving in the army like the rest of the idjets.\xa0
LEM Well, go and get'im.
SCOTTY Right, sir!
GRISHAM Ain't he a little young?\xa0 You should oughtta throw him back.
LEM I'm stuck with him.\xa0 And I never kept notches.
GRISHAM That ain't what I heered.
LEM Lot o' tales goin round - ain't a one of 'em naught but sagebrush smoke.
GRISHAM And the tale 'bout how you kilt me?
LEM [sharp intake] I don't brag on none o' that no more.
GRISHAM So, you think I like being plumb forgot?
LEM If I thought tellin about it would ease you on to the next thing, you think I wouldn't?
SCOTTY Tell me about what?\xa0 Injuns?\xa0 [certain] I know all about them.
LEM [sigh]
5_SCOUTING
AMB CRICKETS
SOUND HORSES
FANSHAW They're still out of range.\xa0 I can just barely catch snippets of sound at my farthest reach, but I'm fairly certain it is not Indians.
LEM Hmm?
FANSHAW I can make out English and Spanish.\xa0 Are we anywhere near the Mexico territories?
LEM [quiet] Ain't impossible.\xa0 Deserters, mebbe.
SCOTTY What ain't impossible?
LEM We're gettin close.\xa0 Best to go on foot.\xa0
SCOTTY These here horses are my responsibility!
LEM Best you stay and watch'em, then.\xa0
FANSHAW Don't forget the satchel.
SOUND CREAK
LEM Like I'd forget that.
SCOTTY I wouldna gone through your kit or nothin!\xa0 I ain't no finger monkey.
FANSHAW [laughs]\xa0 I ne'er heard that one before.
SOUND REMOVING SPURS
LEM Ain't that I don't trust you, son, just might need me some things.\xa0 If I was you, I'd take them horses up yonder - forge as far into the high rough as you can, but keep where you can see if I come tearin out of there.\xa0 You reckon?
SCOTTY How'll you find us?
LEM I'll find you.\xa0 Just be ready.\xa0 And don't shoot me.
SOUND QUIET FEET ON DIRT
6_JULIET2
FLASHBACK echoey hallway
LISETTE [running up] Fanshaw?
FANSHAW
LISETTE [trying to start a fight] We've been reconsidering your costume.\xa0 Those leggings are positively scandalous.
FANSHAW [bland] Romeo can hardly appear in bloomers.\xa0 Would be rather difficult to climb to the balcony.
LISETTE Perhaps plain trousers, then.\xa0 [sly] Though I understand you were quite keen on showing off your legs.
FANSHAW [rueful] There is a great deal to be said for the freedom of movement.\xa0 [dismissive] But a costume is a costume.\xa0 I certainly shan't make a fuss.
LISETTE [annoyed at not being able to get a rise out of F] Very well.
7_FANSHAW SCOUTS
SOUND SLIGHT RUSTLE OF LEAVES
LEM [very quiet] Close enough?
FANSHAW I'll have a look round.\xa0
SOUND FANSHAW LEAVES
GRISHAM [very loud] You hiding from something?
LEM [reaction noise, quickly stifled]
GRISHAM Ooh!\xa0 Scairt you, din't I?
LEM [whispered] Made me jump damn near out my skin.
GRISHAM [smug and evil] Well that's good, then.\xa0 Looks like I can get my own back on you.
LEM What all do you want?
GRISHAM Apart from you in a pine box?\xa0 I'm hankerin to be alive agin, but that ain't gon happen.
LEM Not likely, nope.\xa0 How'd you follow us?
GRISHAM What kind of tenderfoot you take me for that I can't follow my own damn horse?
LEM [half realizing something] Damn.
SOUND FANSHAW COMES BACK
FANSHAW Who the devil is this?
GRISHAM Who the devil are you?
LEM What'd ya find out?
FANSHAW A motley crew, but definitely girding themselves for battle.\xa0
GRISHAM What kinda girlie man are ya?\xa0 Highfaluting slicker talk!
FANSHAW [sigh, but determined] They're half mounted already, but I could make out that they're waiting til after midnight, to make certain of finding as many people abed as possible.
GRISHAM Put you in a dress, and I bet everyone'd wanna dance!
FANSHAW We need to get moving.
GRISHAM I think you need a shave, girlie man.
SOUND KNIFE
FANSHAW [finally breaking concentration] God damn you all to hell!
SOUND PUNCH, KNEE TO GROIN
LEM [trying not to laugh]
GRISHAM
FANSHAW Marquis of Queensbury be damned.\xa0 We need to go.
GRISHAM [different kind of ooooh - like he's falling, or being dragged off]
SOUND SUCK NOISE AND GRISHAM VANISHES
LEM What'd you do to him?
FANSHAW I didn't!\xa0 I couldn't-- I... haven't the faintest idea?\xa0
8_JULIET3
SOUND TAP ON DOOR
LISETTE Fanshaw?
FANSHAW Come in.
LISETTE I've brought you your hat-- whatever are you doing?
FANSHAW I was considering what I might do with my hair.\xa0 To create the right ilusion.
LISETTE That is what the HAT is for.
FANSHAW I prefer not.\xa0 It looks like an ottoman on my head.\xa0
LISETTE And Romeo does not wear a moustache.
FANSHAW Whyever not?
LISETTE On the stage, moustaches are only for villains and army colonels!
FANSHAW [considering] I might just cut my hair.
LISETTE That is the final straw!\xa0 Miss Peabody said this would happen.
FANSHAW What?
LISETTE That you would take too many liberties.\xa0 You are out.
FANSHAW Out?
LISETTE [snidely satisfied] You are no longer a member of this production.
9_DEAD SCOTT
SOUND QUIET BOOTSTEPS
LEM [very quiet] Scotty?
FANSHAW [off a bit] Oh, good god.
LEM Do I need to keep quiet?
FANSHAW I don't see anyone.\xa0 .. hostile.
SOUND QUICK, NOISIER FOOTSTEPS
SCOTTY [as if waking up] Oooh!
LEM What is--\xa0 [tragic regret] Ohh.
SCOTTY They come in out of nowheres!
FANSHAW I don't doubt it.
SCOTTY And they took the damn horses, Mister Roberts!
FANSHAW I think that just might explain--
SCOTTY And who in blue blazes is this feller?
LEM [heavy sigh]\xa0
CLOSING
\xa0
\xa0
\xa0
Auld Lang Syne [DeK4]
EPISODE 4
1_DROP EVERYTHING
SOUND UNBUCKLING, BAG DOWN, ETC.
LEM Good thing I had that with me.\xa0\xa0 Though now I gotta leave it.
SOUND SATCHEL DOWN
FANSHAW Of course.
SCOTTY I'm really sorry about this, sir.
LEM I doubt me you coulda stopped it, son.\xa0 And you been punished enough.
SCOTTY What do you mean?\xa0 They musta knocked me out, but I don't even feel it.
FANSHAW I'll deal with him.
LEM I'll leave you to it.\xa0
SCOTTY What are you doing?
LEM Gonna haveta hoof it back to town - cain't take naught but my guns.\xa0 You gon' be all right?
SOUND RUSTLE OF BUSHES
FANSHAW Well, we won't be able to do much to stop them if they came across your bag, but that looks like a good hiding place.\xa0 Especially in the dark.
SCOTTY Can't do anything?\xa0 What are you talking about?\xa0
FANSHAW Hush, Scotty.\xa0 Let Lem get moving and we'll have a good long talk.
SOUND BOOTS RUN OFF
2_REBEL CAMP
SOUND MANY HORSES, MEN CHATTER, etc.
SOUND GRISHAM STUMBLES IN
GRISHAM Where the hell?\xa0\xa0 [Thunder?]!\xa0 Goddam rustlers!\xa0
SOUND MEN WALK BY
LEADER Two horses, two saddles.\xa0 I don't like it.
SECOND Guerrero had the kid down before we realized.\xa0 But if there's another scout, he won't be able to get anywhere - at least not soon enough.\xa0\xa0
LEADER [thinks, then definite] We must move up the charge.
SECOND We're nearly ready.\xa0
3_NO HEAVEN
SCOTTY [trying not to cry] So that's IT?\xa0 I mean this is it?\xa0 No nothing left?\xa0 No heaven?
FANSHAW There are so many things even I don't understand.\xa0 I wish I could offer you more in the way of consolation.
SCOTTY But don\u2019t no one ever pass along?
FANSHAW Most do.\xa0 And I'm even aware of those who spend some time like this, and then pass on, though there's no easy answer for how or why it happens.
SCOTTY And I won\u2019t never even get to be with a woman.
FANSHAW [uncomfortable] Oh, dear.\xa0 That is a shame.
SCOTTY What's it like?
FANSHAW [dread] What is ... what... like?
SCOTTY Being with a woman?
FANSHAW ...
4_RUNNING
LEM [heavy but measured breathing]
SOUND RUNNING FOOTSTEPS - TROT, NOT DASH
LEM [muttered] Dammit.\xa0 Leastways there's a good moon.
4A_FLASHBACK
MUSIC FLASHBACK
SOUND NIGHT, DOGS, CHICKENS - ALARUMS
SOUND ANGRY MOB, OFF
ROBERTS [yelling, off]\xa0 Leastways, there's a good moon!\xa0
PIEDMONT [up close, heavy breathing, trying to be quiet]
ROBERTS [off, yelling]\xa0 Spread out!\xa0 Don't let that traitor get away!\xa0 Where's that rope?
PIEDMONT [gasp, then trying to breathe even quieter]
SOUND VERY SLOW CREAK, SHUTTING DOOR ON THE NOISE.
YOUNG LEM [about 12] Whatchoo doin', mister?
PIEDMONT [terrible gasp, smothers a scream]
6_EXPERIENCE
FANSHAW My experience is not ... vast, but I have had one or two ... romantic encounters.
SCOTTY Well, you're a man of the world, ain't you?\xa0 You been all over the place!
FANSHAW Oh dear.\xa0 [up]\xa0 I've spent most of my life deep in study.\xa0 I suppose I've always felt there would be time - later - to settle down to a family and all.\xa0
SCOTTY Me too.\xa0 Not the studying, but the ... "later".
FANSHAW [after a moment]\xa0 Women are.... soft.
SCOTTY [eager] Yeah?
FANSHAW And round.\xa0 In places where men aren't.
SCOTTY But they do got legs, don't they?
FANSHAW [flabbergasted]\xa0 What?
SCOTTY You never don't see none of them out of skirts!\xa0 Who knows what they got under there?
FANSHAW Well, that I can answer - generally, women are made the same as men.\xa0 Arms, legs, heads - well, one head.\xa0 You understand.
SCOTTY [avid] And bosoms.
FANSHAW \xa0 Yes, that.
7_VARMINT
SOUND RUNNING, LEM'S HEAVY BREATHING UNDER THIS?
PIEDMONT Shh!\xa0 Don't let anyone know I am here.
YOUNG LEM You the varmint they's looking fer?
PIEDMONT There is no call to use such language, boy.\xa0 Do you know this area?
YOUNG LEM I should hope I do!\xa0 My pa's Mr. Jorgenson's top man.
PIEDMONT [sarcastic] So he's the one leading the search.
YOUNG LEM [pride] Yup.
SOUND OUTSIDE, THE ROW GETS CLOSER
ROBERTS [outside]\xa0 Get him, Honeysuckle, there's a good bitch!
YOUNG LEM [pride and fear] That's my pa!
PIEDMONT But you're not going to tell him I am in here?
YOUNG LEM I don't fancy getting whupped.\xa0 I ain't sposed to be in the barn at night.\xa0
8_YOUNG LOVE
FANSHAW I was in love.\xa0 When I was very young.
SCOTTY Was she really purtty?
FANSHAW [sigh] I thought the sun rose and set with my beloved's face.\xa0 Have you ever seen hair so fine and blonde that your fingers desperately wanted to touch it?
SCOTTY You talk so flowery, I bet all the girls jest love you!
FANSHAW Our parents objected.\xa0 They said we were too young, and I was packed off to school.
SCOTTY What didja do?
FANSHAW I waited.\xa0 I nursed my deep love, and remained constant, like patience on a rock.
SCOTTY You waited on a rock?
FANSHAW I waited at school.\xa0 I was determined that one day, when we were old enough that no one could object, I would return and we would be joined forever.
SCOTTY What happened?
FANSHAW I made my way to the object of my affection and...discovered...
SCOTTY Yes?
FANSHAW That I was the only one who had bothered to wait.
SCOTTY She'd gone and --
FANSHAW My "dearest love" had married another.\xa0 Had, and I quote "almost forgotten about that summer."
SCOTTY Damn!\xa0 Women are right terrible.
FANSHAW Don't fault women, boy.\xa0 There are quite as many constant and sweet-natured females as there are fickle and wicked men.\xa0 We all deserve a "heaping helping" of the blame.
8_DISCOVERED
SOUND UNDER - LEM WALKING NOW, STILL BREATHING HARD, PACING HIMSELF
YOUNG LEM They're fixing to hang you?
PIEDMONT
YOUNG LEM Why?\xa0 What for?
PIEDMONT We were on opposite sides in a fight.
YOUNG LEM You mean the war?\xa0 \xa0 My pa says why keep slaves when you can hire men for even cheaper and don't have to sell them if'n they don't do the job right.
PIEDMONT [incensed] You think your pa knows so much about everything, don't you?
YOUNG LEM [a bit afraid] Well, he knows where you are.
SOUND DOOR SLAMS OPEN
ROBERTS There he is!
MAN Get him!
PIEDMONT [scream]
SOUND SCUFFLE, KNIFE DRAWN
YOUNG LEM [gasp, cut off by hand]
PIEDMONT I'll kill your boy, just see if I won't!
10_STUCK
SCOTTY You said you know about some folks what was like this for a time and then moved along?
FANSHAW \xa0 We've encountered one or two.
SCOTTY How'd it work?
FANSHAW Work?
SCOTTY I mean, I don't wanna be stuck out here, middle o' nowhere, all by my lonesome, forever!
FANSHAW I don't know that I have an answer for you.\xa0 I've only been - like this - for a... a couple of years, myself, and haven't seen a fraction of what Lem has.
SCOTTY Years?\xa0 You been dead for years and ain't moved on?
FANSHAW .. help people.\xa0 And I get to see the world - [half pleased, half rueful] hmph... in perfect safety.\xa0
11_SHOT
SOUND LEM RUNNING AGAIN
PIEDMONT [panicky, but trying to be placating] I am going to have to ask you to take a step back, sir!\xa0 My hand could slip a fraction of an inch, and that's all it would take.\xa0\xa0
YOUNG LEM [gasp]\xa0 Pa?
SOUND GUNSHOT
SOUND TWO BODY DROPS
ROBERTS [cold] You understand we cain't leave that kind of critter running loose, don't you?
12_BUSINESS
FANSHAW Some folks stay because they have unfinished business, and once the business is completed, they are able pass on.\xa0
SCOTTY Business?\xa0 I ain't never been in business.
FANSHAW No, no.\xa0 For instance, one young man was able to move along once his murderer was uncovered and hung.
SCOTTY \xa0 I spose that could happen.
FANSHAW Or perhaps when the horses have been recovered, since that was your task at the time of your death.
SCOTTY [very down] Oh, right.
FANSHAW [cheering]\xa0 Or, when the town has been warned.\xa0 That could very well have been at the forefront of your thoughts.
SCOTTY [wailing] Oh no!\xa0
FANSHAW Whatever is the matter?
SCOTTY What if it's ladies?
FANSHAW [careful] What if what is "ladies"?
SCOTTY What if I can't never pass on til I been with a lady?
FANSHAW [cold, practical] That would be most extremely awkward.\xa0 Worry about that once we find out if you can get back to town or not.
13_WHUPPING
YOUNG LEM [sniffles a bit]
ROBERTS You crying, boy?
YOUNG LEM [stifling it] No sir.
ROBERTS \xa0 Now run and let Mrs. Roberts have a look at that scratch.
SOUND A COUPLE OF STEPS, THEN TURN
YOUNG LEM [blank] You shot him dead.
ROBERTS
YOUNG LEM In the dark, and on the draw, and din't even hit me.
ROBERTS \xa0 [beat]\xa0 You asking something?
YOUNG LEM What if he'd'a kilt me?\xa0 Or what if you did?
ROBERTS [long pause]\xa0 Life's hard, boy.\xa0 You cain't let folks get away with wrongdoing, no matter who they got a grip on.
YOUNG LEM
SOUND BARN DOOR SWINGS OPEN, COUPLE OF STEPS
ROBERTS Lem?\xa0
YOUNG LEM [almost a gasp] Yessir?
ROBERTS [casual] Don't think I'm not gon' whale you for being in the barn by night, neither. [neeether]
YOUNG LEM [quiet, resentful] Yes, sir.
14_CRICKET
SCOTTY It ain't fair!\xa0 I'm being punished and I ain't never even done nothing!
FANSHAW Life is not fair.\xa0 Death even less so.\xa0
SCOTTY I--
FANSHAW [cutting him off] Still, I expect there must be some sort of answer.\xa0
SCOTTY Answer?
FANSHAW Very likely, when they take your body back to town, you will accompany it, and there will find what you need to do to pass on.
SCOTTY What if they don't take it - me back?
FANSHAW Lem will see that they do.
SCOTTY \xa0 And what about you, Mister Fanshaw?
FANSHAW What about me?
SCOTTY Don't you get to pass on too?
FANSHAW \xa0 But you see Scotty, I have no wish to.
SCOTTY No?\xa0 Why?
FANSHAW I still have many things to see.\xa0 And I feel like I'm doing good here.\xa0 There's a story I read some time back, a sort of fable, about a puppet that comes to life.
SCOTTY That's crazy talk.
FANSHAW That's why it's a story.\xa0 In the tale, a cricket is asked to stay with him and make sure he does the right things.
SCOTTY All right.\xa0 Wait, a cricket, like a bug?
FANSHAW A talking bug, but yes, a bug.\xa0
SCOTTY That\u2019s just plumb crazy.
FANSHAW \xa0 [gasp]\xa0 Look at the horizon!\xa0 I think they are on the move!
SCOTTY Is there something we can do?
FANSHAW This is one of those times I truly wish there was.
CLOSING
\xa0
\xa0
Auld Lang Syne [DeK4]
EPISODE 5
1_COMING
SOUND IN TOWN - HORSES, MEN, READYING FOR BATTLE
COMMANDER [commands]\xa0 We need more shot at the western boundary!\xa0 Get someone over there!
SOLDIER Yessir!
SOUND FEET RUN OFF SHARPLY
SOUND DISTANT APPROACH OF PAINED, SLOW RUNNING
SOLDIER2 Sir!\xa0 Someone's coming!\xa0 On foot!
COMMANDER On foot?\xa0
SENTRY [off] Halt!
LEM [breathless, with long gasps] I can't... If I stop...\xa0 I'm gon fall down...\xa0 And I gotta get to...\xa0 The commander.
SENTRY Stop, I say!
COMMANDER Let him on through.
LEM They're a-movin.\xa0 Deserters 'n comancheros.\xa0 Have guns.\xa0
COMMANDER Why are you--
LEM Kilt Scotty.\xa0 Took the horses.\xa0 Look sharp. Ungh!
SOUND FALLS DOWN
COMMANDER Are you all right?\xa0 [up] Someone get Doc!
LEM I'll be [coughing fit] fine. Jest let me lie till the shakin goes off.
2_SPOOK HORSES
SCOTTY We got to do something!
FANSHAW And just what do you have in mind?\xa0 I've already done all I can, scouting them for Lem.\xa0 By the time they come close enough for us to get a look at, they will be moving fast enough that we shall hardly have time to observe.
SCOTTY Can't we spook the horses or nothing?\xa0 That's what haints do, isn't it?
FANSHAW I was with you the entire trip out from town.\xa0 Did the horses seem spooked to you?
SCOTTY [really down] No.
FANSHAW If Lem makes it back in time, there are ways we can help him.\xa0 Otherwise, we are merely spectators at this show.
3_TONIC
DOC Can you get yourself around this?
LEM [still hoarse, puffing] Tonic?
DOC [shrug] Mostly brandy.\xa0
LEM [rusty chuckle] Thanks, doc. [drinks]
LISETTE Oh, goodness.\xa0 I believe you are Fanshaw's dear friend.\xa0
LEM [coughs]
DOC Din't say it was GOOD brandy.
LEM [hawks, spits, clear throat]\xa0 Hits the spot.\xa0
LISETTE [calculating] And not able to walk away.\xa0 [cruel chuckle] How perfectly jolly.
DOC The commander's gone off to rally the men, but they're like to need you to guide them.\xa0 You up fer it?
LEM Will be... shortly.\xa0 Any chance of a mite to eat?\xa0 It's been a powerful long night, and not looking to roll up any time soon.
4_DO SOMETHING
SCOTTY He's the only one what can hear us?
FANSHAW We've come across... others.\xa0 But they are very rare.
SCOTTY [yelling] I want to DO something!\xa0 I want to help!
FANSHAW There is no need to make such a ... a ruckus!\xa0 I am in precisely the same predicament!
SCOTTY But I--
GRISHAM [off]\xa0 Will you two shut up?\xa0 They're trying to sneak up on your position!
FANSHAW Oh dear.\xa0 Come along.
SCOTTY Where?
FANSHAW To do the only productive thing - gather as much information as possible.
5_SADDLED
SOUND MEN READY TO GO
SOUND MOUNT UP
LEM [sigh of relief, but also soreness]\xa0
COMMANDER You doing all right, there, feller?
LEM Better saddle than boots.\xa0 I fair run the soles offa these.
COMMANDER Morning comes, we'll stand you a new set.\xa0 Least we can do.\xa0 Let's go.
SOUND HORSES MOVE OUT
LEM Commander?
COMMANDER Hmm?
LEM Rather than meet them headlong, since ain't no way to know how far they come, might could I suggest a defensive position?
COMMANDER This town is not a good place for that.\xa0 Too spread out.\xa0 And there's no way to get everyone into the fort, not without leaving near everything they own ripe for the picking.
LEM Nah - I'm a-thinkin just this side of the bridge, right about halfway out.\xa0 Bridge and creek - they ain't much, but if we can catch them this side of it, put their backs to water, and use the treeline for cover--
COMMANDER I like the way you think, hombre.\xa0 [up] Company!\xa0 [attention!]
6_FIGHT
GRISHAM Ain't no way you're taking me by surprise again, you-- ow!
SOUND PUNCH
FANSHAW [casual] shut up.
SCOTTY That was a good'un! But what if he lands one on you - he's awful big!
FANSHAW Leave him!\xa0 [quiet, moving away]\xa0 We can't actually be hurt.\xa0 But not everyone realizes that, and many feel the pain, even when there is no reason to.\xa0 I learned that the hard way.
GRISHAM [off] I'm a-gonna get you!
FANSHAW Blast!\xa0 He may not be able to harm me, but he can annoy and distract, and make it difficult to get anything constructive done.
SCOTTY Maybe - maybe I could keep him from bothering you?
FANSHAW How?
SCOTTY Well, I been plumb angry since I got kilt, and my momma says sometimes the best way to get over anger, if you don't got no pie, is to--
GRISHAM Kill you, you girly man!
SCOTTY [grunt as he punches him]
GRISHAM oof!
SCOTTY Better'n pie!\xa0 You go on, Mr. Fanshaw, and do what you gotta.
FANSHAW Good lad.
7_GRANDKIDS
LEM [muttered] Fanshaw? \xa0\xa0 Too far out.\xa0
COMMANDER What's the terrain like beyond the bridge?
LEM Nothing much to speak of.\xa0 Some hills.\xa0 A ridge off to the north where first we saw them.\xa0 No place fer them to make a stand tween here and there, though.
COMMANDER \xa0 Cain't let this sort of thing go.\xa0
LEM Course not.\xa0
COMMANDER You got the extra shot you needed, did you?
LEM \xa0 Had to leave all o' mine cached back with Scotty.
COMMANDER You're sure he's ... dead?
LEM I'm afraid I do know dead when I see it.
COMMANDER [sad] That's too bad.
LEM Kin?
COMMANDER \xa0
LEM [trying to ease] He went down fightin.
COMMANDER That don't give my sister grandbabies.
LEM [symp] Nope, it shore don't.
8_PIRATES
SOUND MUCH CREEPING
FANSHAW Looks like about three score.\xa0 Hardly a fair fight, sneaking up on a defenseless town at night.\xa0 Like pirates.
8A_FLASHBACK
MUSIC FLASHBACK
AMB BRIGHT SUNNY DAY
NANNY Come along in now, bunny bug.
YOUNG CLARA Stop calling me that, nanny!\xa0 I'm very nearly 10 years old.
NANNY You'll always be my little bunny bug.\xa0 Oh!\xa0 Whatever is that tea towel doing on your head?\xa0 [gasp of fear]\xa0 Did you hurt yourself?\xa0 Show nanny!
YOUNG CLARA No!\xa0 I am a pirate.
NANNY Do not be so silly.\xa0 There are no pirates.
YOUNG CLARA Of course there are.\xa0 They are in books, so they must be real.
NANNY Besides, you cannot be a pirate.
YOUNG CLARA Well not just NOW.\xa0 When I am bigger, I shall be able to do whatever I want.
9_WASPS
COMMANDER Did you see how big a force they had?
LEM Not to count them, but it was bigger'n I thought.\xa0 At least 30, probably more.
COMMANDER [skeptical] Really?
LEM They had a dozen cookin fires goin, and you don't make a fire to feed a lone fellow.
COMMANDER [considers, then agrees] No, you don\u2019t.\xa0
LEM 'Sides, better to expect a whole hive of wasps than be surprised by one too many.
COMMANDER [chuckles]\xa0 Sound thinking.\xa0 [up]\xa0 Lieutenant!
10_BAG
SOUND STILL MUCH MOVEMENT
SOUND SCOTTY AND GRISHAM, FIGHTING
SCOTTY [pleased] You tired yet, feller?\xa0 I ain't even blowed!
GRISHAM [tired] You little whippersnapper!\xa0 Think you can pull a man's whiskers and walk away!
FANSHAW [muttered] There are some distinct benefits to being dead.\xa0 More than he will ever know.\xa0 [gasp] No.
RUFFIAN1 Hey!\xa0 I found something!
SOUND CREAK OF LEATHER - LEM'S GEAR
FANSHAW [worried] Damn!\xa0 Lem's bag!
RUFFIAN2 What?
SECOND Silence!
RUFFIAN2 [whispered] bring it - we'll split it later!
RUFFIAN1 Split it?\xa0 Nonsense!\xa0 It's mine, whatever it is!
SECOND [whispered] Keep moving!
11_SCOUT AHEAD
COMMANDER [ordering, but hushed] Take your men and circle round up thataway.\xa0 Get to high ground and cut off retreat.
BOB Yessir!
LEM If you don't mind, sir, I'us thinkin I might scout on up ahead a mite.\xa0
COMMANDER You aren't even being paid to be part of this, fellow, why do you keep risking yourself?
LEM [shrug] Someone's gotta.\xa0 'sides I had to leave my kit behind, and wanna get it if I can before someone else lays hands on it.
COMMANDER Valuables?
LEM Nothin worth money, but some things cain't be replaced.
COMMANDER [teasing a bit] Go on then, but if you see them coming, you'll come back and tell us first, eh?
LEM [chuckle] I reckon.
12_LEAD ROPE
SCOTTY Mister Fanshaw!\xa0 That fellow just vanished!\xa0 Like he flew away, whilst I was a-hittin on him!
FANSHAW I fear I shall be gone shortly as well.
SCOTTY Why?
FANSHAW I am not sure of his reasons, but I must stay with the bag.\xa0 Now that it has been found...
SCOTTY Why?\xa0 Keeping an eye on it?
FANSHAW \xa0 There's something in there - Oh!\xa0 It's moving.\xa0 Stay with me as long as you can.\xa0
SCOTTY Why can't I--?
FANSHAW Shh!\xa0 [very hurried] Picture a rope tied to something, say, to you - your body, over there.\xa0 And you are on the other end.
SCOTTY Like a training rope? [ASK PAT]
FANSHAW Basically, yes.\xa0 You can go anywhere, within the circle made by that rope.
SCOTTY [figuring it out] So you're ... tied to that bag?
FANSHAW Yes!\xa0 [gasp] Bloody thieves!
SOUND FANSHAW SUCKED AWAY
13_BE A BOY
YOUNG CLARA I am going to be a pirate!\xa0 I shall sail the seven seas and steal all the gold!
NANNY Stealing is very wicked.\xa0
YOUNG CLARA But you can't be a pirate without stealing!\xa0 Then you're just a sailor!
NANNY And young ladies do not become pirates.\xa0 Young ladies become mommies.
YOUNG CLARA Or nannies.
NANNY [reassuring] Don't fret yourself, bunny bug.\xa0 You shall be a mummy.
YOUNG CLARA I should rather be a nanny.\xa0 Mummies are boring.\xa0 Nannies have things to do.
NANNY [sigh] Mummies have things to do too.
YOUNG CLARA I don't want to be a mummy, I want to be a pirate!\xa0 I want to see the world!
NANNY [stern] There are many thing in this world, Clara Fanshaw, that are only meant for boys.
YOUNG CLARA Then I want to be a boy!
END
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Auld Lang Syne [DeK4]
EPISODE 6
1_READY
SOUND NIGHT, MEN BEING QUIET, HORSES OFF
COMMANDER Yer sure you wanna go on out there, all on your own??
LEM I'm best on my own, and I don't want another of yer boys on my conscience.
COMMANDER [acknowledging] Scotty.
LEM If I can't see my way to get back and warn you quick enough, I'll shoot off twice--
COMMANDER [warning] They'll know you're there.
LEM I kin look after myself.\xa0 Two shots means it's a-comin, and I spect after that there'ull be plenty more shots to keep y'all busy.\xa0 I best get a move on.
COMMANDER One thing.
LEM Yeah?
COMMANDER One of my men swore he'd seen you before.
LEM [down] Oh.
COMMANDER And that you're the Deadeye kid.
LEM I-
COMMANDER [overriding, but clearly lying] I told him not to be so credulous.\xa0 Deadeye Kid looks nothing like that man that's about to save our town.
LEM [realizing] Ri-ight.
COMMANDER [serious] Don't make me a liar.
LEM I kin only do my best.
SOUND WALKS AWAY
2_BLACKGUARDS
SOUND COMMOTION, MANY MEN, HORSES, TRAVELING
LEADER [loud whisper] We'll leave the horses near the stream and sneak up.
FANSHAW
RUFFIAN2 [whisper] What's in that bag you found anyways?
RUFFIAN1 [whisper] Ain't had no time, but it's shore heavy.
RUFFIAN2 [whisper]\xa0 Heavy is good!\xa0 Mebbe it's gold!
RUFFIAN1 Well, I still ain't sharing!
FANSHAW Such stimulating conversation.\xa0 I wonder how far ahead of these ruffians I can manage to stay.\xa0
3_TALLYHO
SOUND STEALTHY MOVING THROUGH UNDERBRUSH, STOPS
LEM \xa0 [angry hmph] They cain't be too damn far off.\xa0 And ridin.
FANSHAW [distant]\xa0 Tally-ho!\xa0
LEM [starts to laugh but turns it into a snort]
FANSHAW Halloooooo!\xa0 Halloo- [suddenly cut off]
LEM What the devil?\xa0 [shrugs, to himself] Well, you can take care of your own damn self.
SOUND RUNNING FEET TAKE OFF
4_STRUGGLE
AMB IN THE ATTACK FORCE
GRISHAM Now I gotcha sorted out!
FANSHAW [muffled noises]
SOUND STRUGGLING
GRISHAM Oh, no you don't!\xa0
SOUND MORE STRUGGLE
GRISHAM I finally figgered out cain't do nothing to hurt me.\xa0 Long as I ignore it.\xa0 But I can still keep a tight grip on you.
FANSHAW [noise of effort]
GRISHAM [ouch!] Hey!\xa0 You bit me!\xa0
FANSHAW Keep ahead of them!!!!
GRISHAM \xa0 [disgusted noise]
FANSHAW [to grisham] Damn you all to--[muffled again]
GRISHAM Stop with all the wiggling, you stupid--\xa0 [stunned!] whatthehell?
FANSHAW [noise of effort]
SOUND STRUGGLE, BREAKS FREE
GRISHAM You're a-- ?\xa0
FANSHAW You may be stronger than me, but I am faster.
SOUND FANSHAW LEAVES
GRISHAM what the hell?\xa0 A female?
5_SIGNAL
COMMANDER He's been gone a fair piece.
SOUND [DISTANT] TWO GUN SHOTS
COMMANDER [commanding, but quiet]\xa0 They're coming!
SOUND [command passes along ranks - GET VOICES]
COMMANDER [a bit superior]\xa0 I knew that that fellow was no sort of outlaw.\xa0
6_PLAN DOS
LEADER Shots?
SECOND Sir?
LEADER \xa0 Someone has seen.\xa0 Get El puerco and his fellows.\xa0 Tell them plan dos.
SECOND Plan dos, sir?
LEADER They'll circle south and get behind the town.\xa0 We get some children in hand, no one will fight any more.
SECOND Yessir!
SOUND RUNS OFF
SCOTTY [torn] I can't just let them-- [plaintive] but what can I do?
7_BUCKETFULL
SOUND HORSES APPROACHING
NOTE - Lem is lying in wait, letting the group go past, and plans to pick them off from behind.
FANSHAW [distant but closer, yelling] Lem!\xa0 That dead friend of yours is about - watch out!
LEM [muttered] Damn.\xa0 And I don' want to go shootin no good horse jest to lay a varmint like that down.
SOUND HORSES BEGIN TO PASS
LEM [very quietly] 30...?\xa0 Nearer fifty.\xa0 That's a bucketful of wasps.
SOUND SHOTS!\xa0 (where the horses went to)
LEM [muttered to self] hold on.\xa0
SOUND NO MORE HORSES COMING
LEM [muttered] almost...
GRISHAM There you are!
LEM [sharp intake of breath]\xa0 That don't work on me twice.\xa0 Specially when I been warned.
GRISHAM Oh, that girly friend of your'n?\xa0 Funny thing about that--
SOUND GRISHAM IS YANKED AWAY
LEM Good riddance.\xa0 And jest in time.
SOUND BEGINS SHOOTING
MaN [shot, fall]
8_HOLD THE LINES
COMMANDER [roaring now] Hold the lines!\xa0 More shot, boy!
BOY Yessir!
MAN [hit, argh!]
COMMANDER Stay low!
FANSHAW All seems rather well here.\xa0
GRISHAM There you are.
FANSHAW Bloody hell.
GRISHAM [nasty chuckle] I was just wondring - if I kin grab you, I bet I kin kiss you, little lady!
FANSHAW [dodging] I doubt you'll catch me again, now that I'm watching for you, but I will admit that one advantage to being a ghost is that I needn't make an effort to remain upwind of you.
SOUND FANSHAW OUT
9_RELOAD
SOUND COMMOTION OFF, NOT RIGHT HERE
SOUND RELOADING
SOUND NEARBY HORSE PFFS
LEM That's nine.\xa0
SOUND SLAPS GUN SHUT
SCOTTY [distant, yelling] Someone!\xa0 They're circling round!\xa0 There's some fellers as are going south to get behind lines!
LEM \xa0 [listens for a second]\xa0 Fanshaw?\xa0 Damn.\xa0
SCOTTY [yelling]\xa0 Please!\xa0 Don't let them hurt nobody in town.
LEM [muttered] boy'll yell himself hoarse.\xa0 [chuckles]\xa0 dead don't get hoarse.\xa0 But I gotta get one.\xa0 [clucks to horse]
SOUND HORSE BLOWS
LEM [grunts as he swings into the saddle]\xa0 Come on.
FANSHAW [a bit distant] Lem?
LEM Wazzat?\xa0 There you are!
FANSHAW Close as I can get just now, and can't stay.\xa0 That blighter keeps trying to grab me.
LEM Grisham?\xa0
FANSHAW The commander seems to be holding well.\xa0 The villains have taken heavy losses and are starting to fall apart.
LEM \xa0 Can you yell to Scotty, let him know I got his message?
FANSHAW What message?
LEM Just try and tell the boy.\xa0 So he can rest hisself.\xa0 [to the horse] Geeyah!
SOUND HORSE TAKES OFF
FANSHAW Scotty?\xa0 Can you hear me?
10_YOU STAY
COMMANDER Let's clean this up - leave none of them to try and harm the town.
CORPORAL Yessir! Should we capture them, or--
COMMANDER This is no time to be peaceable.\xa0 They set themselves up to attack a settlement, and we have to take serious measures.
SOUND HORSE APPROACHING
LEM [distant] Commander!
COMMANDER Let him through.\xa0 [up, to Lem]\xa0 Looks like we've got nearly all of them.\xa0
SOUND GUNSHOTS DISTANT
COMMANDER A bit of tidying up to do, but--
SOUND HORSE PULLS UP and STOPS
LEM [to horse] Whoah!\xa0 I overheard a couple at the back, saying they had a force circlin south - dozen men mebbe - to get round any resistance and come up behind.\xa0
COMMANDER My god!
LEM Horse up a few good men, load em up and come with me.
COMMANDER You, boy!
BOY Yessir?
COMMANDER Bring my horse, quickly!
LEM You're needed here, surely?
COMMANDER You're the one who needs a rest, mister Roberts.\xa0 My corporal, here, will be happy to hear any other suggestions you might have, but I will be leading my men.
LEM Sound thinkin.\xa0 I have been going a bit.
COMMANDER Corporal?
CORPORAL [acknowledging] Yes sir.
FANSHAW Lem?\xa0 I think I got through to Scotty, but there's such a distance.\xa0 Poor lad, he merely wants to do his duty.
SOUND LEM DISMOUNTS
LEM Let's you and I see if we cain't root out a few more of these varmints.\xa0 I see purty well in the dark.
CORPORAL Excellent!\xa0
FANSHAW I'll see what I can turn up.
GRISHAM Found you!
FANSHAW Oh, damn!\xa0
GRISHAM You ain't never getting away from me, you--
FANSHAW [hits out]
GRISHAM [ungh!]
FANSHAW Have to get him out of here, Lem.\xa0 Too distracting.
SOUND FANSHAW LEAVES
GRISHAM [laughs triumphantly]\xa0 Coward!\xa0 But I don't suppose I should be surprised.
LEM [quietly, but deadly serious] You don't stop making a fuss, I'm gon' kill your horse.
GRISHAM What?
LEM You sit still and be quiet or that horse yer so attached to is gonna find itself on the wrong end of a bullet.\xa0 You hear me?
GRISHAM [all the bluster gone]\xa0
LEM \xa0 I don't fancy killin no animal just fer this, but this here's a battle--
SOUND GUNSHOT
LEM [gasp, hit!] Damn!
SOUND QUICKDRAW, GUNS BLAZE
GRISHAM Hah!\xa0 I still gotcha!
LEM [weakening, through gritted teeth] Din't no one see them a-sneakin up?\xa0
CORPORAL [commanding] Men!
SOUND MORE GUNSHOTS
LEM [groan]
SOUND BODY DROP AS HE COLLAPSES
END
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NEXT EPISODE BEGINS
SOUND FADES IN AND OUT
COMMANDER Hold on, there, fellow.
LEM [vague] all's well?
COMMANDER We got em.
LEM My pack?
COMMANDER I'll set someone to finding it.
FADE OUT
DOCTOR Bite down on this.\xa0 He's lost a lot of blood.
FADE OUT
BOOTMAKER I'll have a new pair ready before he'll be walking anywhere on them.\xa0 You sure I should even bother--?
FADEOUT
WOMAN Just a little bit of broth, mister.\xa0 You need to get some o'yer strength back.
SICKROOM
LEM [annoyed moan]
FANSHAW You're awake.
LEM [quiet]\xa0 Anyone--?
FANSHAW Not close enough to hear - as long as you stay quiet.
LEM \xa0 I been shot?
FANSHAW At least twice, judging by the bandages.\xa0 Once in the chest, once in the leg, I should say.\xa0 I should have been watching.
LEM [reassuring] Can't leave you to do everythin.\xa0\xa0
FANSHAW [awkward pause, then stiffly]\xa0 Should I ...go?
LEM Go?\xa0 go where?
FANSHAW [covering] I - I mean, leave you in peace.\xa0 To rest.\xa0 I don't doubt you will still be needing a great deal of it.
LEM [straining a bit]\xa0 Did you see, did it go alla way through?
FANSHAW I don't know, but you were very fortunate - or so the doctor declared.
LEM [satisfied]\xa0
FANSHAW I'll leave you to your rest, then, shall I?
LEM Go or stay, I ain't so wrung out I cain't tell you got somethin on yer mind.
FANSHAW
LEM Is it that female ghost o'yours yer frettin over?
FANSHAW [bracing breath]\xa0
LEM [exasperated snort]\xa0 Yer worried she said sumpin, izzat it?
FANSHAW
LEM [playing it up a bit] You furriners and the trifles that plague you.
FANSHAW So she did--?
LEM [shrug]\xa0 \xa0 So?
FANSHAW [surprised] So?
LEM You cain't be the first.
FANSHAW First?
LEM Nor the last, like enough.
FANSHAW But it... doesn't... bother you?
LEM Well, you don't do it no more.
FANSHAW .. don't?
LEM 'sides, plenty of little fellers wet up the bed right up til they'us in long pants.\xa0
FANSHAW What?
END
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