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Your New Best Friends

Looking for sarcastic, witty banter to pass the day by? Call in or write us an email on the interactive Your New Best Friends Podcast. All submissions are anonymous from listeners just like you. Join us for weekly episodes. Fill that void in your life and find your tribe.

She probably has salty knees

Published: May 17, 2022, 11 a.m.
Duration: 41 minutes 39 seconds

Listed in: Fiction

I'm sitting in my house with my fingers in my mouth

Published: April 19, 2022, 12:31 p.m.
Duration: 34 minutes 14 seconds

Listed in: Fiction

Marty K & The Equality B!tches

Published: March 7, 2022, 1 p.m.
Duration: 52 minutes 18 seconds

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You're getting juice everywhere

Published: Feb. 7, 2022, noon
Duration: 44 minutes 51 seconds

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I'm not putting him in my mouth unless it gets physical

Published: Jan. 10, 2022, noon
Duration: 51 minutes 56 seconds

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What's your scent? Despair and avocados?

Published: Dec. 6, 2021, 12:23 p.m.
Duration: 46 minutes 15 seconds

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Eat Out Rock 'VS' The Nomad Humper

Published: Nov. 8, 2021, noon
Duration: 54 minutes 35 seconds

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Who thinks you could possibly be too fat for gravity?

Published: April 12, 2021, 11:11 a.m.
Duration: 37 minutes 35 seconds

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I think we all have a little Jack Sparrow in us

Published: April 5, 2021, 11 a.m.
Duration: 32 minutes 4 seconds

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Bonus Material: You smell like vinegar, do you Uber for Blimpies?

Published: March 29, 2021, 11 a.m.
Duration: 24 minutes 7 seconds

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This is the Bluetooth of dildos

Published: March 22, 2021, 11 a.m.
Duration: 28 minutes 29 seconds

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The Newlywed Game: On the same page, not the same paragraph

Published: March 15, 2021, 11 a.m.
Duration: 39 minutes 41 seconds

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Lil Game Plan: Blowin out backs & countin up stacks

Published: March 8, 2021, noon
Duration: 29 minutes 42 seconds

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The Pyramid Game: Dogs that sound like German foods

Published: March 1, 2021, noon
Duration: 42 minutes 50 seconds

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Life is good, you just need your underwear clean

Published: Feb. 22, 2021, noon
Duration: 31 minutes 40 seconds

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Watching my donk swing in my sweatpants

Published: Feb. 15, 2021, noon
Duration: 34 minutes 1 second

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The movers took a bag of socks and the vibrator

Published: Feb. 8, 2021, 12:34 p.m.
Duration: 32 minutes 6 seconds

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A black bouquet after a break up

Published: Feb. 1, 2021, noon
Duration: 28 minutes 25 seconds

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Your hair is lice Barbados

Published: Jan. 25, 2021, noon
Duration: 29 minutes 55 seconds

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Someone call Britney Spears cause thats toxic

Published: Jan. 18, 2021, noon
Duration: 34 minutes 2 seconds

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Groaning down there like a ghoul

Published: Jan. 11, 2021, noon
Duration: 41 minutes 5 seconds

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You have a permit for that wagon youre draggin?

Published: Jan. 4, 2021, noon
Duration: 38 minutes 4 seconds

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This burner phone is blowing up and I cant have it

Published: Dec. 28, 2020, noon
Duration: 40 minutes 34 seconds

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I want the alphabet mafia on my side

Published: Dec. 21, 2020, noon
Duration: 38 minutes 39 seconds

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Your rotund body took out the light fixtures

Published: Dec. 14, 2020, noon
Duration: 39 minutes 13 seconds

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You better lawyer up, that cop touched my cooter

Published: Dec. 8, 2020, noon
Duration: 48 minutes 20 seconds

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BONUS EPISODE!: Your New Best Friends meets Convosaries!

Published: Dec. 4, 2020, 12:11 a.m.
Duration: 48 minutes 23 seconds

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Care-free, fun-loving, I don't hit you, good vibes. Looking for real deal

Published: Nov. 30, 2020, 2:30 p.m.
Duration: 37 minutes 44 seconds

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I wouldve killed for a mouth full of pubic hair in high school

Published: Nov. 23, 2020, 1:19 p.m.
Duration: 30 minutes 39 seconds

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Nothing holds sh!t like suede

Published: Nov. 16, 2020, noon
Duration: 36 minutes 48 seconds

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His d!ck was the CEO of his underpants

Published: Nov. 10, 2020, noon
Duration: 29 minutes 42 seconds

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I need you to Uber Eats that ass over here

Published: Oct. 19, 2020, midnight
Duration: 34 minutes 36 seconds

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I once got a nosebleed after a big gal sat on my face too hard

Published: Oct. 6, 2020, 12:30 a.m.
Duration: 33 minutes 37 seconds

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Cervix, be damned

Published: Sept. 28, 2020, 1 a.m.
Duration: 28 minutes 28 seconds

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You blew their back out in the worst way

Published: Sept. 21, 2020, 1 a.m.
Duration: 33 minutes 58 seconds

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The hypnotic jiggles of your body

Published: Sept. 15, 2020, 12:05 a.m.
Duration: 32 minutes 53 seconds

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Your grandmas ring is on my finger, we gotta get it off

Published: Sept. 7, 2020, 1 a.m.
Duration: 38 minutes 16 seconds

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Medically speaking, I gotta bust these nuts

Published: Aug. 31, 2020, 1:36 a.m.
Duration: 36 minutes 28 seconds

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When booty calls, you pick it up

Published: Aug. 24, 2020, 1:31 a.m.
Duration: 33 minutes 33 seconds

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Youre a little bitter Betty

Published: Aug. 17, 2020, 1:14 a.m.
Duration: 40 minutes 2 seconds

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Those sense dont make dollars

Published: Aug. 10, 2020, 11:42 p.m.
Duration: 34 minutes 40 seconds

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Youve got spunk on your shirt, its meatloaf Tuesday

Published: Aug. 3, 2020, 12:30 a.m.
Duration: 28 minutes 43 seconds

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I got pizza on good faith

Published: July 27, 2020, 3:43 a.m.
Duration: 36 minutes 39 seconds

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A gross of tampons, a box of Twinkies and a water gun

Published: July 20, 2020, midnight
Duration: 36 minutes 39 seconds

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Just wanted to lay your body in some soup

Published: July 13, 2020, 1:30 a.m.
Duration: 46 minutes 53 seconds

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Class is: Always having a drink in your hand but never being drunk

Published: July 6, 2020, 11:30 p.m.
Duration: 54 minutes 59 seconds

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Cut off jean shorts, Crocs and a Thundercats shirt

Published: June 29, 2020, midnight
Duration: 33 minutes 25 seconds

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What youre doing to that banjo is a hate crime

Published: June 22, 2020, 2:30 a.m.
Duration: 39 minutes 54 seconds

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The 10 Petty Commandments

Published: June 15, 2020, 2 a.m.
Duration: 49 minutes 59 seconds

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He gets trickle down wimp

Published: June 9, 2020, 1 a.m.
Duration: 44 minutes 44 seconds

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You belong on Satans nightstand

Published: May 31, 2020, 11 p.m.
Duration: 52 minutes 39 seconds

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At what store did you buy the audacity?

Published: May 25, 2020, 3:43 a.m.
Duration: 1 hour 1 minute 57 seconds

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We wouldve Virgin Maryd one another

Published: May 17, 2020, 11 p.m.
Duration: 55 minutes 41 seconds

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Two people duet sh!t into a box

Published: May 10, 2020, 11:15 p.m.
Duration: 43 minutes 47 seconds

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She was a gold digger who didnt like toast

Published: May 3, 2020, 11 p.m.
Duration: 52 minutes 38 seconds

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Do I think I can wrangle? Call me Steve Irwin

Published: April 26, 2020, 11 p.m.
Duration: 47 minutes 55 seconds

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Just a lonely girl and her wedge of cheese

Published: April 20, 2020, 3:11 a.m.
Duration: 38 minutes 20 seconds

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Your New Best Friends: Best of SEASON 2

Published: April 12, 2020, 11 p.m.
Duration: 42 minutes 22 seconds

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Your New Best Friends: Best of SEASON 1

Published: April 5, 2020, 11:43 p.m.
Duration: 44 minutes 45 seconds

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I was lips deep in her, I burped and we lost a kid

Published: March 29, 2020, 11 p.m.
Duration: 47 minutes 39 seconds

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Your New Best Friends (Trailer)

Published: March 23, 2020, 9:04 a.m.
Duration: 52 seconds

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Next thing you know, you've had an erection for 20 minutes and you're starting to black out

Published: March 22, 2020, 11 p.m.
Duration: 54 minutes 47 seconds

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You're on a roll, I'm on a brioche bun

Published: March 15, 2020, 11:16 p.m.
Duration: 53 minutes 47 seconds

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Welcome to McNutBuster's, how may I help you?

Published: March 8, 2020, 11:51 p.m.
Duration: 52 minutes 3 seconds

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His shirt says, Skin on Skin; The Apology Tour

Published: March 2, 2020, midnight
Duration: 43 minutes 4 seconds

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Its a buffet of perfection and I just wanna eat

Published: Feb. 24, 2020, 12:42 a.m.
Duration: 41 minutes 2 seconds

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I'm floating away with the blood of a thousand men on my hands

Published: Feb. 17, 2020, 12:42 a.m.
Duration: 51 minutes 24 seconds

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I need to go to the doctor and get some sort of ointment

Published: Feb. 10, 2020, 12:39 a.m.
Duration: 47 minutes 19 seconds

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She's gone, and I'm stuck with these neck tattoos

Published: Feb. 3, 2020, 12:38 a.m.
Duration: 51 minutes 43 seconds

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So, your ass gets a disease and it travels the river butthole inside of you?

Published: Jan. 27, 2020, 12:01 a.m.
Duration: 50 minutes 39 seconds

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I was trying to keep it in my boundaries. So, you put on a turtleneck?

Published: Jan. 20, 2020, 1:17 a.m.
Duration: 45 minutes 6 seconds

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Discreet gentleman, good looking, 33, recently divorced, enjoys titty milk

Published: Jan. 12, 2020, 11:36 p.m.
Duration: 55 minutes 18 seconds

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It's all a humping blur

Published: Jan. 6, 2020, 12:39 a.m.
Duration: 44 minutes 14 seconds

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That's not scissoring, that's just mound pounds Audio issue for 1 minute at 5 min mark. Apologies

Published: Dec. 30, 2019, 12:46 a.m.
Duration: 50 minutes 31 seconds

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I don't think your butthole is the gate keeper

Published: Dec. 23, 2019, midnight
Duration: 43 minutes 35 seconds

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I got stomped out by a 6th grader, in like, glitter sneakers

Published: Dec. 16, 2019, 1:22 a.m.
Duration: 44 minutes 36 seconds

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Just yesterday, I was naked in my kitchen, eating Jell-O

Published: Dec. 8, 2019, 11:14 p.m.
Duration: 42 minutes 10 seconds

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Feathers are the marijuana to choking, they're the gateway

Published: Dec. 2, 2019, midnight
Duration: 48 minutes 10 seconds

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I'm never liquid in currency, ever

Published: Nov. 25, 2019, midnight
Duration: 39 minutes 58 seconds

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Suffocated, drowned and had bird seed thrown in his face

Published: Nov. 18, 2019, midnight
Duration: 36 minutes 58 seconds

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I wanna come in there with all my teeth, I wanna leave there with all my teeth

Published: Nov. 10, 2019, 6:23 p.m.
Duration: 47 minutes 7 seconds

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I courted her, I took her to the finest Applebee's

Published: Nov. 4, 2019, 1 a.m.
Duration: 34 minutes 28 seconds

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I had my first frowngasm

Published: Oct. 28, 2019, 12:48 a.m.
Duration: 39 minutes 34 seconds

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Then I'm throwing paws at an orgy

Published: Oct. 21, 2019, 5:58 a.m.
Duration: 41 minutes 15 seconds

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So that dog spite vomited?

Published: Oct. 11, 2019, 8:59 p.m.
Duration: 33 minutes 20 seconds

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You sound like you're anti prostate

Published: Oct. 8, 2019, 12:18 a.m.
Duration: 35 minutes 59 seconds

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Maybe it's a port-a-potty themed wedding

Published: Sept. 26, 2019, 11:55 p.m.
Duration: 28 minutes 35 seconds

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You flush the toilet and it's a jacuzzi

Published: Sept. 18, 2019, 10:31 p.m.
Duration: 40 minutes 49 seconds

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I lint rolled my shirt for that

Published: Sept. 12, 2019, 11:18 p.m.
Duration: 58 minutes 13 seconds

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I love crab salad, I just hate when it hits you wrong

Published: Aug. 22, 2019, 9:29 a.m.
Duration: 1 hour 1 minute 36 seconds

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Anything can be a diaper if you take a sh*t in it

Published: Aug. 14, 2019, 6:45 p.m.
Duration: 44 minutes 16 seconds

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Would your neighbor be able to shake you down for $20?

Published: Aug. 5, 2019, 5:23 a.m.
Duration: 51 minutes 59 seconds

Listed in: Fiction